| Author |
 Topic  |
| sasha
Super Member (250+ posts)
821 Posts
Gratitude: 63
|
 Posted - 06/18/2006 : 14:49:52
|
Amie, you mentioned anxiety and phobia workbooks a few posts back. What are they and where can I get them?
Sasha is my dogs name. |
|
| Amie (inactive)
Super Member (250+ posts)
746 Posts
Gratitude: 5
|
Posted - 06/19/2006 : 20:40:39
|
Hi Sasha,
I have The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D. It is really good. It talks about medication, assertiveness, self esteem and all sorts of stuff. I think there is a book on depression as well. My anxiety book is the second edition. They probably have an updated one by now. I got it at Chapters. Good luck!
Amie |
|
| grammy
Super Member (250+ posts)
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/19/2006 : 21:51:46
|
Hey Pali
How did Father's day go? You seemed distressed in your last writing....You know sweetie...if you love your kids...you want your kids..and nothing holds you back (like Ferengi's poor Richard) Be proactive...Tell those critters you love them...forget about one day..it's only one out of 365....It can only help...and if anything it might relieve your soul to know that you are doing everything you can to keep those bonds alive.
Ferengi..How is Richard? I saw you had to work...Hope he's Ok.
Grammy |
|
| Ferengi (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3264 Posts
Gratitude: 332
  |
Posted - 06/20/2006 : 08:04:39
|
Richard came in when I was asleep. I think he got plastered but he made it through the day. I was sorry I couldn't be with him. I know he misses me when I am at work. He is not well enough to work right now, bipolar out of control. He found out his ex is taking the children to the other side of the country despite an agreement that she can't take them out of the province, and he says he can't afford the lawyers to stop her. He was wild with fury but seems to have calmed down now. He reacts very strongly but can't hold his emotions.
Ferengi |
|
| grammy
Super Member (250+ posts)
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2006 : 16:19:43
|
When it comes to matters of the heart
It is incredibly painful to feel limited or powerless over another person's cruelty....I'm so sorry Ferengi...he must be devastated
Hugs Grammy |
|
| Paladin
Starting Member
37 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2006 : 16:38:45
|
| CRAP!!! I accidently made a new thread (DUHHH!).. I'll copy and post back here... sorry |
|
| Paladin
Starting Member
37 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2006 : 16:40:11
|
Grammy: I tell my kids I love them, ALLLLL the time. If its possible, I tell them too much... its like they expect it... I don't always get it back... but they are just kids (who happen to hear a LOT of crap.. plus they have a resident full time dad). I hate the feeling that I'm a complication in their lives.
It sounds like Richard is like I was about 10 years ago (so you guys are fellow Canadians... Eh?) The best thing I can advise is to press on. Time doesn't mend the wounds but it does put some distance in. They grow older and at some point you realise that the people you are mourning don't exist anymore.. they do but they don't. They change and we stay static in our memories. I am missing my little girls but they are young ladies now. I can't hold them on my knee (very easily anyway). I'm nolonger Superman in their eyes. I just gotta keep reminding myself that it isn't about me.. its about them. I gotta work at helping them keep their innocence, gotta keep trying to protect them, as best I'm able, from 1300 miles away.
I don't know how lucid this is coming across. If Richard is anything like me he's experiencing pain on a level he never thought possible.. so telling him anyone can know what he is going through seems patently impossible from his perspective. The sooner we can all (from my perspective) regain flexibility in our thinking the healthier we'll all become.
Personally there was a long time I'd rather feel the pain than move on. Moving on seemed disloyal somehow. The pain seemed to be all that I had left to connect me to them... I don't know... I'm still trying to figure this part out. I was logical enough to see what I was doing to myself... emotionally I just couldn't/wouldn't move on.
For a while all you can do is hold him when he wants it and allow him to work it out. Be aware though, that he might be holding on past a healthy point. I did.. and resisted getting back into a normal life style... sometimes you just have to fake it until it becomes real.. or at least doable...
Which is where I am now.. Highly functional but severly depressed. |
|
| grammy
Super Member (250+ posts)
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/20/2006 : 20:23:38
|
Hey Pali
Hey I live in the states ...eh...but I've been to Canada It's gorgeous.
I'm glad you got through Father's day seemingly decent....You seem to have a good bead on things and have it in perspective. I was reading your original post in this thread and see how quickly you got your feet back...I'm delighted to be here and see your reflection...and come back to your truth.
Funny how life meanders...and each time we come full circle it's like we learn something different...
It would appear we have both dealt with liars and manipulators...we have been betrayed those we have sacrificed for and carry sorrow for those we can't hold the way we want to....Do you think they can feel our love for them...even though we can't do and be...what we in our eyes feels like what we should be doing and being?
You've given me a few things to chew on
Thanks
Grammy |
|
| Ferengi (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3264 Posts
Gratitude: 332
|
Posted - 06/21/2006 : 10:04:25
|
I am sure you are right about Richard's pain though he is not radiating it the way he was a couple of months ago. So he is feeling stronger.
Ferengi |
|
| Paladin
Starting Member
37 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2006 : 15:40:30
|
Ferengi: That is AWESOME!! He would seem to be recovering much quicker than I did...it took me over 2 years to become moderately functional... though climbing into a crack addiction to try and make the world go away chewed up about a year. (If I'm so smart... why do I do sooo many stupid things??)
Grammy: what things have I given you to chew on... specificly? Can they feel our love? hmmm, I'm inclined to say no... if they can I think they make a choice to turn away from it. I say that because I think my youngest has done just that... she was fiercely demonstrative of her affection and said numerous times that she wanted to live with me (when I didn't have the means) over the last 4 years she has done a 180. She is now sullen and uncommunicative (especially when ANYONE is around on her end of the phone) I think it hurt her to think of how much I loved her and how she felt yet was powerless over where she could be and was treated like a betrayer by her mom if she displayed it. SHe would always get really sad when we dropped her off back at her moms. The ex told me that after they came back from here (after their couple of week summer visits) that they would have nightmares (mind you should could be lying... the kids dispute it).
Another thing to think of is.... does it matter if they can feel it? The fact is we experience it and we know it to be true... what I fight for is that such a pure and positive emotion not be corrupted by pity and pain. Now admittedly I am doing a lousy job, but I'll still fight that trend kicking and screaming. I can't let the pinnacle of my existance (currently) become my greatest valley. THAT IS EVIL!! All that joy should not become my greatest pain. Jobs wife told Job to curse GOD and die (basicly to get his suffering over with) I don't want to do that. That is in essence to answer Shakespears question; yes, "that it is better to never have loved at all...".
How can that be true??
Am I making any sense?
My therapist asked me yesterday do I have any hope... I looked at him as if he was the biggest moron in the world and answered yeeessss! (as if he had asked me if I'd like 10 million dollars). I asked him," why do you think I'm here?" Thats the ONLY reason I can keep myself going on... tomorrow is another day and there is another opportunity for things to get better. I hope he didn't pick up on the fact I thought that was a stupid question... he is a good guy. Now he'd be a BETTER guy if he saw me for free... but thats a different discussion (lol).
Sasha, where did ya go? You okay? How's the Dogs? Talk to us!!
Take care guys.. please keep me in your prayers.. Give Satan a black eye for me...
Out
|
|
| grammy
Super Member (250+ posts)
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/21/2006 : 17:02:57
|
Dear Pali
The thing I chewed on was the part about not being superman anymore...Our little man was so brave and he seemed to do just about anything for us...we watched the doctors do some really painful things and we never left his side...He used to ask me to pray with him on the way to the hospital or to sing to him...and then he would always say "thank you so much for being with me...thank you for holding my hand...I like that" We were kind of like his angels of comfort (only humnan) If we were there...he could do it...He must feel pretty betrayed we aren't doing that right now...and we know he's being lied to about it..which hurts even more.
I chewed on the thought that I could try to press through the pain...and how that feels disloyal...I also know that there may not be a tomorrow for our Adam...at least not an earthly one...Maybe things are still to fresh for me....
Anyways...if you don't find Sasha here...she has a thread in
"Depression General Topics" and then "General Discussion" She has a thread "Expressions" she posts to alot.
Hugs and Squishes Grammy
|
|
| sasha
Super Member (250+ posts)
821 Posts
Gratitude: 63
|
Posted - 06/23/2006 : 08:50:25
|
Hey Paladin, Thanks for looking for me. Had a bad day a few days ago, but am doing a bit better now. Will post more later. Sasha
Sasha is my dogs name. |
|
| Ferengi (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3264 Posts
Gratitude: 332
|
Posted - 06/23/2006 : 09:09:29
|
I upset Richard last night because I got mad at him, and he doesn't realize this doesn't mean anything to me since I am very moody indeed, but he is not used to this and he got upset. I am sorry. I apologized to him but I can't do that again. He can't handle it. I didn't realize how sensitive he is. I have to walk on eggshells around him, he can't handle anything.
Ferengi |
|
| Paladin
Starting Member
37 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2006 : 15:43:35
|
Today is my youngest daughters b-day. I called her 2 times, got her the 2nd time...told her I love her 2 or 3 times during the convo (I kept it upbeat) she didn't say it once. Here is where I gotta remind myself it ain't about me. But it sure feels like it is.
Ferengi; I hope you have the patience to walk on egg shells, remember, you need to express yourself too. If ya need to vent, here is a good place but even so you're apt to blow up at him at some point.. just remember you're human with your own issues and you can't fix him no matter how much you might want to... at some point he's gotta want to too. |
|
| grammy
Super Member (250+ posts)
374 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2006 : 20:22:44
|
Hey Pali:
Maybe a trip is needed...Do you think there's a possibility she's disappointed that it was her Birthday and you couldn't be there? You're right it probably wasn't about you at all....children are pretty smart...they know when they've been lied to( talking about the ex). Lori suggested a journal so you can write to her every day. Some day if she really is disconnected from you, it just might provide the validation that you wanted to be there but were shanghai'd out of your children and that the situation was not your intention let alone your choice...She doesn't know what she's doing and hasn't lived enough life to understand the pain she is causing you...
Hang in there Pali
Hugs
Grammy
|
|
|
Topic |
|
Newbie with a 'tude
