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Mood Disorder Community
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Jeff 4
Starting Member
7 Posts
Gratitude: 8
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 Posted - 04/06/2007 : 20:57:03
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| I read that people diagnosed with bipolar disorder have a 10-15% suicide rate. I was wondering whether your experiences have been similar to mine. I believe that my frequent suicidal thoughts (and one serious attempt) have been induced by depressive thoughts that immediately followed my out-of-control feelings and behavior during manic episodes. Would any of you agree with that assessment? |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 04/06/2007 : 21:58:29
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I think it's one possibility, but I don't know if I can generalize.
Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or secret gate.
(J.R.R. Tolkien) |
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| Jordan20071987
Full Member (100+ posts)
226 Posts
Gratitude: 35
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Posted - 06/05/2007 : 11:41:30
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Normally mine are generated around fear of not being accepted
Jordan |
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| bluewater_sweet
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1321 Posts
Gratitude: 256
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Posted - 05/18/2008 : 16:00:11
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| Sadly to say that I have been suicidal since I was 16 years old, and the reasons for those thoughts and actions were mostly about grades and SAT scores not up to my parents' expectations. The trigger for suicidal thoughts were associated by financial, vocational and severe depression after a manic episode. I always have this thought: "The bills would stop piling if I am no longer here, and no one would miss me." |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 05/18/2008 : 17:46:14
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That would be so awful, to take your life, PEOPLE would miss you, trust me.
I don't even know you and I would be upset !
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| Ratava
Super Member (250+ posts)
286 Posts
Gratitude: 98
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Posted - 05/19/2008 : 08:13:35
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I have been plagued with suicidal thoughts but they got to be critical when I was 16. I could say that it was associated with a breakup with a girl I loved deeply, but I really know now that . . it was just really bad timing for what happened to happen. It made what was already growing jump into high gear.
Now, twenty some years later. . . stress can bring them on, particularly when the odds and ends of life dont add up. I take it as a personal failure even when logically I know that isnt true. the emotional side takes the thoughts there.
Its what I see would happen to my kids that keeps me from acting on any of it. My kids are mostly older now, but my youngest still sees me as where the sun rises and sets. it would destroy her, and I cant do that. I have broken too many things in my life as it is.
So. . sometimes its as if Im standing in the middle of a tornado, and all I want to do is for it to finally all be done and let me rest. . but there are others that deserve better of me.
and I tell you, its darned isolating. You cant just go up to someone and say. . if I had a knife right now, I might cut myself. without the blood draining from their face, and them looking like they are trying to find the way out of there in the quickest order. And even if that someone knows you, still sometimes they will back away because they are afraid. The part that gets me when a friend says this. . I remember how afraid I was when I felt that way. blows the doors off of any uncompfortable conversation thing.
Its not what is perfect but what is flawed that makes someone unique and beautiful |
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| firebird
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1555 Posts
Gratitude: 561
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Posted - 05/19/2008 : 11:26:20
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Sometimes it feels that everything is a product of the imagination. There are times when I don't feel real, my life is imaginary a dream. I feel everyone and the world is more concrete, more real than me. So its easy to look on death and suicide as something unreal. There is a separate identity in me called Logic. It tells me I only feel that way because I am ontologically insecure. The actual cause of this insecurity, I don't know it, I am sure there is one but all I can do is learn to live with it.
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| RedStar
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4843 Posts
Gratitude: 657
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Posted - 06/21/2008 : 05:10:07
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My suicidal thoughts are triggered more my anxiety than BPD, I think. It's so strange to be examining anxiety and its effects on me. Until I stabilized my BPD, I didn't realize what a negative impact anxiety has.
Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world. - Arthur Schopenhauer |
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| clarebear83
Starting Member
1 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 09/17/2009 : 03:23:36
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I have suffered with suicidal thoughts/attempts for the past 12 years. It has taken me that long to get a diagnosis of bipolar disorder! My suicidal thoughts are usually triggered during the depressive side of bipolar and are usually a result of a feeling hopeless, over-stressed, inability to control my actions and impulses and overall, an inability to cope in relationships (partner and family). My parents do not understand bipolar, nor do they try to. I have tried talking to them about it but they just tell me that its all in my head... well der! The levels of expressed emotion within my household are extremely high, but I don't have the money to move out so I just keep going round and round in circles; frequent hospital visits due to my suicide attempts; lost job after job because of the time I have to take off... How do I stop this vicious cycle?!
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| Jerry1949
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3117 Posts
Gratitude: 175
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Posted - 12/30/2009 : 11:49:00
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My thoughts of suicide come when I let my depression starts to spin out of control which is getting better with the meds. My first thoughts were when I was nine or ten and have been with me for more years than I like to think about. The last time I acted on them was some 15 years ago during a very bitter divorce. What kept me going on with life was that my parents were in declining health and being a only child I was needed to care for them. When I lost them just three day apart I did a little backsliding and started to self medicate with weed just so I would have no feelings. But it did no real good to avoid life and my Doc and therapist helped me get through with out harming myself. the thoughts are still with me but I see that it would be a permanent solution too what is only a temporary problem. When these thoughts start to come on I now call and get the help I'm needing just having some one to hear you can make a big difference.
Jerral K Burrus |
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| Rainbowfish
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5628 Posts
Gratitude: 637
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Posted - 12/30/2009 : 11:56:42
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Very nice of you to share your tragic experience, Jerry! Asking for help is very important!
RAINBOWFISH |
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| ThoughtCatcher
Starting Member
16 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 12/26/2012 : 07:53:13
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My suicidal thoughts occur when my bpd morphs to severe depression. So the doctor gave me a sedative. I'm hoping I can overcome these thoughts after putting a whole bottle of clonazepam to my mouth and thinking "This would be different." But suddenly I became sleepy and fell asleep. Or walking out into a caravan of SUVs with darkened windows with the police as a lead car. The caravan swerved around me but the lead police car tried to play chicken when they drove their vehicle yards from where I was standing. I walked ever so slowly in front of their car angrily staring at them.
Boy they were pissed at me. But that morning I was very irritably depressed.
I know I need a change in environment |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
Posted - 12/02/2021 : 02:03:08
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Causes of Suicidal Thoughts
