hi all i havent been on or posting for a while now some of it due to my comp running to slow and because i dont know wot to post anymore ,ive not been missed and i can understand that ive not been such a great person or friend to people on here or that how i feel anyway. im drinking a lot more than normal mainly due to the fact that i carnt leave the house at nite and im finding this reallyu hard im still doing the same old bad things ie mixing pills with beer just to help me forget and to get risd of voices etc but mainly to sleep . i feel like wots happening to me is really happening to someelse and im just watching nothing seams real anymore and all i can think of is paul so i use beer to blot out the thoughts daft i know but if i dont think about paul and daniel then its like they r still here or like they was never here to start with everything is just 1 big nightmare and i keep hoping that if i sllep long enough when i wake up everything will b back to how it used to b. im struggling so much and just carnt cope im scared that my dad has got a tumor and thats driving me mad my life is such a mess and im struggling to get through each day and things just keep getting harder . i know i shouldnt think and feel the way i do but i carnt help it just want to sleep perminantly i ahve the means to make this happen and have it planed in my head just need to do it and be with paul . im so sorry for all the trouble i may have caused anyone and i do graetly care about all of u just dont think anyone else feels the same
you can try without succeeding, but you carnt succeed unless you try
You have been missed....and David too.....was wondering what had happend to you.Sorry to hear things are'nt improving...you can get past this, you have before.
everyone
Posted - 10/17/2008 : 16:21:08
thanx guys im still here am going to start posting again unless anyone has any objections 