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sncdoc
Starting Member
4 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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 Posted - 03/19/2013 : 11:51:28
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Sue has been in a deep depression for the past 26 months, basically non-functional. Sitting on the couch and staring into space. Three psychiatrists, a neurologist, psychotherapy once a week, and every antidepressant medication on the market and none could solve her depression. She also had OCD and extreme anxiety for the period. I had to treat her like a 3 year old. I cooked all meals, washed and dried her hair, gave her baths, along with all the household chores. We are newly retired so I spent 24 hours a day taking care of her. No friends or relatives near enough to relieve me for even a day. After a year, I resorted to an adult day care in order to get some alone time. After all the doctors, including primary care, recommended ECT, she agreed after 4 months of persuading. This is our story.
February 12, 2013 [Tuesday]
First treatment yesterday. Sue was very anxious and didn’t sleep the night before. Lots of complaining and fear on the way up. Got through the prep pretty good but was still agitated. After treatment she was complaining about how bad she felt and her jaw was very sore. She complained a lot on the way home in a very agitated manner. She took an Ativan shortly after coming home but it didn’t seem to help a lot. She was anxious and tired the whole day right up to bed time. She said she didn’t think that she would feel as bad as she does after the treatment. I can’t tell if it was the treatment or withdrawal from the Klonopin and Ativan after the blocking shot. She did calm down some after an Ativan in the late afternoon but still more agitated than normal for the night time.
This morning she seems calmer and quieter and not nearly so agitated and back to how she was before the first treatment.
February 13, 2013 – [Wednesday] Second treatment this morning. When she came out of the treatment she said she felt even worse than after the first treatment. We told the anesthesiologist that she felt jittery all day and he said he would let Dr. McKean know and some medication adjustments may be made. On the way home she was complaining about how bad she felt and that she didn’t want another treatment. She also complained of soreness in her mouth, jaws and teeth. In addition she complained of leg soreness, calves mainly. After getting home she took an Ativan but was still agitated for another couple of hours. At 10:30 and after breakfast, she seems calmer. I’ll see if it lasts. The nurse who brought her down said that her immediate reaction was normal and that after the next treatment she should start to feel some relief from the depression.
February 14, 2013 – [Thursday] The calm didn’t last and Wednesday afternoon she was worse than after Monday’s treatment. She had to take an extra dose of Klonopin in the afternoon just to be able to sit. This morning so far she is back to her old mood of dozing on the couch and not agitated.
February 15, 2013 – [Friday] Today’s treatment went about the same as the previous ones, with her complaining about her being nervous even after taking 0.25 mg of Klonopin when she got home. Now she is also complaining about not being able to do anything and her stomach feeling upset a little. This afternoon she has at least sat while I took a short nap and then was cutting her nails but complaining that she can’t do it well and she didn’t do a good job. She was even more reluctant to go for more treatments since each one seems to make her worse than before the treatments started.
February 17, 2013 – [Sunday] Yesterday Sue was tense and anxious almost all day. It was worse than the day after the second treatment. [Noon] Today she has shown some anxiety but not as severe so far as yesterday in the morning. Yesterday she had a lot of fears because of a snow forecast and a very light snow accumulation in the afternoon and early evening. I’m waiting to see how she does this afternoon when she normally has her worse spells.
February 20, 2013 [Wednesday] - Yesterday was just a little better than after last week’s treatments. She was still anxious but by the end of the day she seemed a lot better. This morning she was still asleep when I went to wake her up for the treatment today, so she must have slept better. She didn't seem as anxious before we left this morning and seemed to get anxious only after we got to the hospital and she was walking to the operating area. She is complaining more about being bored at home which I see as a positive. Maybe she will get some motivation to have some other interests. At home now after today’s treatment, Sue is still complaining about not having anything to do, but now that she’s sitting on the couch she is looking at a news letter from Adult Care. She doesn’t seem as jittery as on other days. She didn’t take an Ativan as soon as she got home either. I don’t know if she’s taken one yet.
February 21, 2013 – [Thursday] This morning Sue started out fairly calm, even though she said she was anxious and jittery. She forgot that she normally took one of her Ativans first thing after she gets up, but then when I told her, she remembered and took it. She was quiet until nearing noon. After lunch she started getting more and more agitated and complaining about everything again. The heat has been her obsession this afternoon and not wanting me to go outside or even away from her, not even to the kitchen. She is dreading tomorrow’s session already but is not saying that she won’t go.
February 22, 2013 – [Friday] I’m not getting my hopes up too high but today may have been the break through day. After this morning’s treatment she was not agitated nearly as much as before. She has forgotten more minor things but she is back to her normal voice and she did watch TV and leafed through a magazine this morning. She hasn’t taken any anxiety medications this morning and is still fairly calm, only complaining about having to sit all morning. She has complained about how messy and dirty everything is. I’ll see how the rest of the day plays out, but I feel a lot better, better than in a long time. Maybe the treatments will work even though I had doubts right up until we left the hospital this morning. Now there’s a lot of hope. In the afternoon she even took the initiative to call her sister Kathy to wish her a happy birthday. She sounded so normal while she was talking to Kathy, even laughing at times and initiating conversation and topics for them to talk about. Kathy even mentioned that her voice sounded like she used to hear. About 2 pm she was becoming anxious again but after she took her Ativan at 4:00 she reverted back to nearly her pre-depression state.
February 23, 2013 – [Saturday] Morning and Sue has reverted back to her depressed state. She isn’t as anxious as before, but she took her Ativan this morning, and seems sleepy like before the treatments started. She does say that she’s bored though and also her high pitched whiny voice is back. She has started complaining about the heat already with that obsession returning. It is dreary rainy outside, like yesterday, but today Sue is complaining about it more.
February 24, 2013 – [Sunday] Today started with Sue being like yesterday but as the day went on, she seemed to be calmer and less complaining, but she is reading magazines that I got at the grocery store. She is mostly looking at the pictures right now, but she does pause to see the captions. The therapist has been trying to get her to read magazines for almost a year, but now she’s doing it without any prompting. Hoping for the best with tomorrow’s treatment.
February 25, 2013 – [Monday] The treatment this morning didn’t have the big improvement impact that the Friday treatment did but Sue is quieter and not as anxious as before the treatments started so there’s some hope that she will still make some progress over the next couple of treatments.
February 27, 2013 – [Wednesday] The treatment today was very effective and Sue was the best she’s been in a couple of years. She went outside with me and we had almost normal conversations the rest of the day. She did forget more minor things but nothing serious.
February 28, 2013 – [Thursday] Today Sue is still not back to her old self but she is improved over what she was before the treatments started. I went to the grocery store for more bread and milk, and while I was there I picked up some magazines for her. She is reading or looking through them at least. Her level of anxiety is down today also from pre-treatments. I am really hoping tomorrow morning's treatment will make another big jump in her improvement. She is dreading the treatment because of the 5 minutes of pain just before the general anesthesia and treatment, a shot that burns and makes her dizzy to make her brain more receptive to the electrical impulse. The doctor told me after the treatment that he thought she would only need 3 more treatments, taking us through next week.
March 2, 2013 – [Saturday]- I lost 4 days of the diary entries when I had to use a backup when restoring my computer after a computer crash but have tried to recreate the entries so they may not be as accurate as they were initially. Yesterday’s treatment didn’t have the big impact that some of the previous ones did but she was not anxious but was a lot quieter and not complaining as much. Today she seems to have forgotten more than I thought. She didn’t remember how I helped her with her bath and she’s bathing herself without help, but asking a lot of questions about how she used to do things. She also cut her toenails herself voluntarily which she hasn’t done in way over a year. She wanted to bath herself, saying she should be able to do this herself, and proceeded to complete the bath. I just filled the tub, got some toenail clippers and left. When she was through I did clean the tub and put the towels in the drier.
March 3, 2013 – [Sunday] This morning I saw more indication that Sue has lost some more minor memory items. She didn’t get cold water or take an Ativan when she first got up. She forgot that she usually rotated the cereal bowls for breakfast and got the ones from the top of the stack. She hasn’t been anxious but is very calm and is just looking at magazines while I work on paying bills and sorting paperwork. At times she seemed “lost” like she had forgotten her “routine”. Not following a routine is good, but it’s more because she can’t remember it. Yesterday she forgot the name of our cat and had to ask me what it was. She also said that the cat should go out today, and she usually frets about her going out at all and having to leave the back door cracked to be able to hear her when she scratches at the screen to be let in. Sue doesn’t want to lose the heat out the door. She had forgotten that we have a kitty litter box in the house. Today she hasn’t complained about the room temperature or about being too warm or too cold.
March 4, 2013 – [Monday and last week of treatments]. This morning’s treatment seemed to have caused more memory loss. Not like wiping out the past or anything but little things like the routines she followed for meals, doing things in a specific order or what she got out for each meal. It came back to her slowly as she started doing the tasks. She couldn’t remember what the casserole that I make was like, asking if I’d made it before (I’ve made it a lot over the past year) when I explained what was in it. Other little things like who her hairdresser is and where her shop is. She did finally recall her and where the shop is. She asked what I did while she was getting her hair done, not remembering that I’ve stayed with her during the hair styling for the past year or more. Sue is calm and not anxious today, and is walking upright and not stooped and shuffling her steps. When I came in from walking Hannah, she had her finger nails soaking in water, getting ready to cut them herself without my having to prompt or her complaining about it. She acted as though that’s what she always had done. She was also asking about who cooked supper for us, not believing that I cooked the evening meals. None of the memory problems is major or cause for worry. In fact she forgot that she “didn’t like” lettuce on her sandwiches at lunch so I asked her if she wanted some, and she said she did. Also this morning she went to the refrigerator to get her half and half milk for coffee until she remembered that she hasn’t been drinking coffee in the mornings for over a year. She’s still looking for things to do and doesn’t want me to be away from her for any length of time.
March 5, 2013 – [Tuesday] This morning I took Sue to get her hair cut and colored. She didn’t remember how she had her hair cut before the treatments started and still didn’t remember it even after it was cut. She did really well at the hair dresser, acting like any normal person except forgetting some details about the process of getting the color set and how long it took for the steps. She walked upright and about like most other people, maybe a little slower. She read a magazine for most of the time while she was waiting for the hair color to set and carried on a little conversation with the hairdresser. She even laughed a couple of times about something that the stylist said. Since we’ve been home her only real complaints have been about not having anything to do. It is going to take a while for her to gain confidence and take on responsibilities of running the house again. She still didn’t remember me taking her to the stylist over the past 18 months and my staying with her while she had her hair cut. She asked how I knew how much to tip the stylist, not remembering the many times I’d paid over the past year.
March 6, 2013 – [Wednesday] After this morning’s treatment, it seems that Sue lost more of her memories than before. She is able to recall things after some hints and prompting though. She forgot that she got her hair done yesterday and what the hairdresser looked like. With some prompting she remembered the shop and what the hairstylist looked like. She forgot what she puts on the table for breakfast until I told her. She is quieter than yesterday. She helped me mix up a slow cooker meal this morning and also she started washing my jeans without any prompting or even hints. In the past she said she couldn’t operate the dryer but she went down and put the jeans in and didn’t ask for any help. I’m hoping for more good signs this afternoon.
March 7, 2013 – [Thursday] Today Sue is still calm but acts tired. She said she’s ok but just dreading the treatment tomorrow, the last one. She and I went outside for a short walk around our yard and she was ok with that but didn’t talk much. I’m having trouble getting her to carry on a full conversation with me. She responds to questions but doesn’t elaborate or continue with comments on her own. She is still reading her magazines but is bored with nothing else to do. She has started feeling warm most of the time so she’s not sensitive to cold/heat and making it an obsession. She’s gone through the magazines so many times that it looks like they should be worn out by now. I bought a couple more while out getting groceries this morning.
March 8, 2013 – [Friday] Sue appears to be *completely* cured!!! And now is acting very normal today after her last treatment. By normal, I mean the Sue we knew for many years. She has forgotten a lot, even most, of the two bad years, that is, how bad off she was. She was talking a mile a minute while we were having a cup of coffee after we got home (She's not had coffee in about a year). She's doing some organizing and busy around the house this morning finding things she could do. She has a lot of blank times in her memories, all so far that I've found are in the past two years since she got depressed. The next task will be getting our lives back in order, setting some goals for fixing up the house, getting her in the routine of doing her part of housekeeping and taking care of things independently. I’m looking forward to our next psychotherapy session to get advice on how to proceed from here.
March 9, 2013 – [Saturday] The last 24 hours have been great and extremely surprising. Sue is no longer always cold and we have moved the thermostat from 78-79 down to 75-76. Near noon before I said anything, Sue was in the kitchen fixing lunch as she did 2 and a half years ago. She now has lost her dislike of certain foods that she wouldn’t eat for 2 years now. Also as I was sipping on my tea and reading just before supper time, I heard the microwave going and when I peeked in, she was cooking supper with the leftovers from Thursday. I didn’t do anything with the cooking or even tell her what I had planned for supper. I just set the table for supper and helped with the cleanup like I did 3 years ago. This is the first dinner she has prepared in 26 months. Sue admits that she doesn’t remember losing all the weight and the other bad things that she went through during the past 2 years. I just tell her the things she doesn’t remember and let it go. I tell her that probably she will start to remember more and more as time goes on. I really don’t mind that she doesn’t remember the bad stuff or how we coped with it. She is not complaining or anxious now, no saying that she can’t do things, or telling me about her ailments. I’m hoping that she and Karen will start talking on the phone and getting to do things like they used to. Both need a friend right now like they used to be.
March 10, 2013 – [Sunday] Sue hasn’t called Karen yet but she is still “cured”. She can’t remember anything of the past two years and can’t believe it when I tell her what she did and how she acted. She said I could be making it up for all she knew. I’m anxious to see how she and the psychotherapist interact and whether she can believe what the psychotherapist says. Today she has been unusually quiet and distracted seemingly. She acts like she is in deep thought but I’m wondering if she feels lost with no recent memories. I want her to build up some new memories; maybe Karen will be the answer for that. I want to get her to talk to other people and have some outside interests. She seems like she can’t find anything to do, washing dishes in the afternoon and waiting around for them to dry. We went on a walk to the blueberry bushes and she hardly talked but when I asked if she was tired or anything wrong, she said “no”.
March 14, 2013 – [Thursday] Sue is really cured!!! Things are back to early 2010 and even though Sue has forgotten a lot of things, she is learning what she missed and is catching up on the news from the family and relations. Today she started calling her previous friends to re-connect again. She and Karen,a friend from before depression, are getting together tomorrow afternoon. She wanted to go with me to pick up Hannah, our dog, at the groomer and carried on a lively conversation with the groomer and another customer that was picking up a dog. I’m helping to remember some of the past events, most in the past two years.
March 19, 2013 - I still am in awe at my new life with a wife who is the one I married. The loss of some memories is a negligible problem compared to what we faced prior to ECT. Best decision we made.
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Diary of a husband who's wife had ECT
