I have been suffering with clinical depression since my 20s. I've recently found out that I should have dealing with a Therapist & a Pcsychiatrist. I DID NOT USE THE THERAPIST. I have taken ECT twice, and now I will have to go for the 3rd. time. I had slight memory lost, but I am so afraid (because of memory lost) to go again. I realize that I must. Any HELP?
I would suggest not worrying about the memory loss. I've suffered from severe depression since I was 14(I'm 30), and any short term memories I lose to get rid of that neverending, crushing feeling of hopelessness and sadness are worth it, in my opinion. I've been through ECT twice as well. The first time I had 6 zaps, and then my mind felt freer and I could think clearer. It didn't last very long, and I had 3 more about 6 months later. I realize now that I needed more than just 6. I saw a video of a girl who didn't feel better until she had 16!!! Now I understand that: You don't stop til it works! Cuz it will work. I would rather be zapped than have the horrible side effects of medication. Medication did not work for me and I've never met anyone it worked for. They test these medications for a few months then release them to the public. How many anti-depressants have they realized 10-15 years later "Oops! They actually increase suicidal thoughts, and make depression worse!" Before medication I was eccentric and talented. I wrote 5 novels by the time I was 17. I taught myself to play 3 instruments. I studied foreign languages. Then I started getting progressively depressed until I lost interest in everything. Medication made it worse and then the psychotic thoughts started happening. And then the suicide attempts started. My mind became foggy and I was constantly talking to myself in my own head telling myself how much of a loser I was. This went on for 12 years until I finally found out about ECT. It's been almost a year since my last ECT treatment, and it's getting to the point where I really need it again. I'm on the waiting list and it should be very soon. I can't wait. I love ECT. I find being knocked out an adventure, and I don't mind it. So many people's reaction when they hear about ECT is, "Oh my God! That's barbaric!" But no, it actually works and it's painless. I'll give up a few memories from a time when I felt hopeless to get rid of depression any day. Depression steals your will to live. You live day by day doing just enough to survive. Like you're dragging tremendous stone weights everywhere you go. You watch everyone else in your life living normally and wish more than anything you could do the 'normal' things they do. But you can't! Only someone who's lived with it knows what I'm talking about. It's like being in a big family of birds, watching all of your family flying around on a nice sunny day enjoying themselves. And they keep calling to you, "Come fly with us!" But you can't! You don't know why, you just can't fly even though you want to more than anything. The other birds say things like, "It's all in your head, just get out and fly, then you won't be so depressed!" I'm so tired of being a flightless bird watching everyone else having fun flying in the sun. ECT gave me my hope back that one day I can fly again.
HELP!!! ECT Question
Posted - 01/06/2013 : 10:13:53
