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Mood Disorder Community
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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 Posted - 07/07/2012 : 12:38:30
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hi kathy
i hope this day brings sunshine and good news.
your the best
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 07/07/2012 : 12:43:44
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good luck kathy!!!
the more that i talk to you guys the more i would like to be canadian   
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| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
7607 Posts
Gratitude: 912
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Posted - 07/07/2012 : 13:31:34
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| Hi Kathy, just stopping in to check in on you. Hope all is well. |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 07/11/2012 : 03:10:09
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Kathy, I keep thinking of you and your son.
Of course we can lean upon each other, always.
Thank you for asking, didn't do the scope thing yet, Must do it.
I feel for your son, as I think of how mine would react,
I hope although men don't seem to want to go to support groups, that your son will.
To know he is recieving support will put your mind at ease.
I want to believe in Jodys link,
I know only this much about Cancer, It cannot kill our SPIRIT.
Dare I say, the upcoming weeks and months will be full of deep awakenings, of the Spiritual kind.
It happened for me, I so much appreciated every piece of life
as it came,
I was blessed with my sis in law coming to help.
I still smoke, defiantly sadly, please know you are not to blame for this .
If I can do anything for you, please let me know.
You are never alone, especially here .
You were missed, I saw you check in now and then and knew you would come back when you were ready.
Cancer cannot steal your Spirit
You will be in my thoughts, Kathy.
Keep the Faith, I want to call you or at least e-mail.
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 07/11/2012 : 03:13:01
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Hi Kathy,
yes, private blogs can be started,
I need to find the link on it.
Found it,,,,,,,
http://www.mytherapy.com/discussion/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=36114 |
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| kathyintoronto
Super Member (250+ posts)
418 Posts
Gratitude: 114
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Posted - 07/14/2012 : 08:56:42
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Lynn I always want to hit the very caring button on your posts many times. You always seem to say such wonderful things.
As I said in the Socializing Post I'll now give an update on where I am "on my journey".
I saw a thoracic surgeon called Simon on Thursday I was very impressed. I guess Surgeons are the rock stars of the medical establishment - he had me scheduled for a PET scan (a scarce resource) before I left the hospital. Here are the other tests I need to have before any decisions are made:
Mammogram breast exam and ultrasound - DONE
Endoscoy (hose down throat to look at esophagus & stomach)
CT Chest
Echocardiogram
Lung function test
PET Scan of chest - On Tuesday July 16
If the results of these tests are all as expected then I'll likely have a lobectomy (lung surgery) late August, early September. Of course this is not trivial surgery and recovery rates vary on a bunch of things. (GOTTA STOP SMOKING!!! - am tapering now with some success) I am gathering that there are two ways to do this surgery one called VATS (?) which does not oblige them to crack your ribs.
Lucky thing I am not nervous about surgery of medical stuff in general. Can imagine that this whole thing would be much tougher if I was.
Emotionally I am doing pretty good with all this now, having recovered from the initial shock and anger. I have had a number of talks with people in my support circle (professional and personal) and this has been an immense help. I have seen the hospital psychologist twice and get to see her another 4 times gratis. I hope to make the most of meetings with her. Finally I have joined Wellspring, a privately funded support organization for cancer survivors. I'm going to try to do the exercise progamme to be in as good shape as possible going in to surgery. They also have support groups, yoga, painting, writing (these two in the fall I think) and many other courses.
I also have a referral ready (after I sign it) to go to CAMH (Centre for addiction and Mental Health) for what is supposed to be one of Canada's premiere smoking cessation programme. I need all the help I can get on this one!
Kathy
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing"
Martin Luther King Jr. |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 07/14/2012 : 14:04:01
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I hope and pray that you come through this life threatening medical ordeal Kathy
The only reason I have not come in to the frame until now, is because I was unaware of what you were/are going through.
It is only when I was passing through the Bi Polar community just now that I saw your thread My Journey with Cancer (for I don't normally come here not being diagnosed with same), I became concerned.
I have always thought of you being a courageous individual and that particular characteristic I admire greatly... what is more something at this particular time (more than ever), will I trust hold you in good stead during this exceeding difficult period in your life!
I wish you all the very best in treatment and sure hope you get well, David x
Too often we underestimate the power of a
touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| kathyintoronto
Super Member (250+ posts)
418 Posts
Gratitude: 114
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Posted - 07/16/2012 : 13:15:31
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Thanks so much for `coming to visit` David, your kind words are greatly appreciated. I am so glad you found my thread....
I am continuing to ride the roller coaster of emotions that this illness has brought on. I think that all the work I've done over the years in dealing with my BP has been a huge help but things are still difficult. At my last pDoc appointment he agreed with my assertion that the fact that my mood has continued to be stable through this is a good sign that my BP is stable. He cautioned me to be vigilant about my mood - in particular the warning signs for me are getting less sleep and becoming argumentative.
While I have made an assessment appointment with CAMH for their smoking cessation programme I now note that it is on the same day as my Echocardiogram. Very frustrating.
We will be able to go away for a week to a provincial park near where my son is working. Hopefully none of my many appointments will conflict with this but I can come down to the city for the day if necessary. I think it will do me a great deal of good to get out and commune with nature for a while.
Kathy
PS To Stigs: So glad to see you like us Canucks. When I was younger the US and Canada seemed to be best friends, less so these days. I firmly believe that if folks like us continue to connect on a personal level then there is a greater chance that the same will occur on a global one!
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing"
Martin Luther King Jr. |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 07/22/2012 : 18:16:14
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Just a not to say Thinking of you Kathy.
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| kathyintoronto
Super Member (250+ posts)
418 Posts
Gratitude: 114
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Posted - 07/23/2012 : 13:18:19
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Thanks so much Lynn, Stigs, David, Chelle, AND ANYONE ELSE I FORGOT!!
A bunch of tests done - my mammogram was negative (thanks be!) and the PET scan was done. Today I had a lung function test and met with the psychologist. I have shared with her my worries about not having the time to do the kind of things I want to do with my life. We did some "chair work" where I told myself (sitting in the empty chair) why I had not achieved the things I hoped I would in my life.
An odd exercise not sure what it is intended to do.....
Kathy
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing"
Martin Luther King Jr. |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 07/23/2012 : 14:09:06
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Oh !
The Chair work ! 
Isn't that awkward?
to talk to an empyt chair in front of a therapist?
My italian friend and I always got a good alugh out of that one.
She would say, in her passionate Italian voice,
"you think I am crazy? and you want me to talk to an empty chair ?!?
"you are crazy, I'm out of here !"
Oh Kathy, it'll all work out, as strange as the exercises seem.
Sending humongous hugs.
Will be thinking of you,
PS I have told my Mom about you and she says HI !!!!! |
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| kathyintoronto
Super Member (250+ posts)
418 Posts
Gratitude: 114
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Posted - 07/25/2012 : 09:39:09
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Hey Lynn:
As I have thought about the empty chair business I realize that it takes a while to process what you have learned. At the time what I felt was primarilly discomfort at being mean to myself. The therapist I think was a bit surprised at how easily I became nasty with myself.
At the end of the session I came to the conclusion was that rather than being sad about a potential early death I was really more angry. We are going to work on that, I do not think I am venting enough lately, being worried that this will cause others to believe I am become irritable as a symptom of mania. When my life is more normal, I have more opporunities to discharge anger in a healthy way. Since I have been sick, not so much.
Kathy
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing"
Martin Luther King Jr. |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 07/27/2012 : 17:37:37
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| kathyintoronto
Super Member (250+ posts)
418 Posts
Gratitude: 114
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Posted - 08/07/2012 : 07:35:10
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Well, I still have 3 tests to go through. I have and MRI today and an echocardiogram tomorrow. Neither of these is in any way unpleasant. Next Monday I have a "gastroscopy" where they put a camera down your esophagus to look for tumours there or in my stomach.
On Thursday I meet with the Thoracic (lung) surgeon. I believe that at that time he will tell me how good a surgical candidate I am. Please God let me be a good one. If they deem me not to be it will be very poor news indeed.
A week Thursday I meet with the Medical Oncologist who will review all the information and test results. If they discover that the lesions in my lungs had their origins elsewhere I do not know what I will do.
If my time here is short I do not wish to spend it being hacked at, burned with radiation and poisoned with chemo. On the other hand I know how badly my children will take any decision to `give up`.
I am scared. I am angry. These are normal reactions. I fervently hope that all this stress doesn`t push my BP into a state of crisis.
Shedding many a tear, Kathy
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing"
Martin Luther King Jr. |
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| kathyintoronto
Super Member (250+ posts)
418 Posts
Gratitude: 114
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Posted - 08/10/2012 : 08:41:54
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"My God, my God, why has thou foresaken me?"
That's the way I feel right now. Intellectually I know that is not so, but emotionally I cannot help but feel otherwise. He may have planned my life in ways I cannot understand but I feel these new events in my life are close to being beyond bearing. In some ways I'm ready to throw in the towel. (No this is absolutely not talk of suicide, no need to freak out).
Yesterday I met with the surgeon prepared to hear that I was a good surgical candidate and get detailled info on same. While I am in good enough shape to recover well from the surgery, the lung tumours are no longer the only problem. Aparently though the may CTs were clear in my liver and bones, this time they found images there that they say, in combination with examination of the PET scans, they know to be cancerous. So, the surgeon hands me back to the Medical Oncologist who referred me to him. Likely for some type of chemo - at least not radiation but who knows!
How do they know this! So far they`ve had to biopsy to be sure. Yet know they say they know based on some high tech pictures. Don^t feel that I`ve had an answer I can feel comfortable with - perhaps I should ask to speak with a radiologist - I think that they are the ones with the biggest say on interpreting these things.
I see the medical oncologist next thursday and have been told by his nurse that they would likely propose next steps in treatment at that time. On the other hand she also the likelyhood of being transfered me to Lung Cancer guy. Yet another doctor to get used to, sigh.
Am very very unhappy. Starting to get cancer patient`s guilt.
Kathy
PS At least I`ve managed to go 2 days out of 3 with no cigarettes. Trying to shut down completely using gum. Going for an assessment at CAMH (Canadian Association for Addictions & Mental health) next week looking to get help from their program.
"The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing"
Martin Luther King Jr. |
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