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harvess
Starting Member
15 Posts |
 Posted - 05/26/2005 : 00:03:29
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| hi im sarah i have three kids ages 8,6,2 i always worry that because my oldest can remember when i went into pyschiatric care for 2 weeks and asks me alot of questions that it;ll affect him when hes older id hate to think that any of my kids would suffer depression because of some learnt behaviour theyve got off me.ive been honest with my oldest and said that my pills help to make me happy because in my brain something makes me sad its all been kept very simple for him to understand,i give my kids all the cuddles and attention,praise,confidence,freedom of choice that i never had growing up but i just hope its enough.sarah |
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| EVERGREEN
Full Member (100+ posts)
136 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 05/26/2005 : 16:10:18
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Hi Sarah, lots of children grow-up healthy and normal despite having a parent who is ill. You have explained things to your children in simple terms they can understand. Love and a feeling of security is the most important gift a parent can give their children. You are doing that.
The fact that you know what depression is will certainly help you if you see any signs in your children. Unfortunately, you can't prevent them from suffering from depression in the future. Hopefully, they won't. Helping them to develop coping skills will help. However, depression can run in families. So there is always a chance your children can develop it in the future. If it happens, don't feel that it is your fault. Look at your family history. Do you note any other members in your family whom you know suffer from depression or you think might. Unfortunately, there may be persons in your family with depression and you won't know since people tend to keep it a secret. However, if you do have it running in your family, as I do in mine, there is little you can do to prevent it, other than teaching your children how to cope with the stresses of life. Don't tell them that depression runs in the family if it does. That will only cause them unnecessary worry that can bring it on. Even if it does run in your family that does not mean they will suffer from it themselves.
Ultimately, all a parent can do is the best they can. Even parents who don't suffer from depression make mistakes. No one is perfect. You can't be either. Love is the best remedy for any mistakes.
EVERGREEN |
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| Metuka-1
Starting Member
23 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 05/27/2005 : 10:30:40
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Hi Sarah,I too am a mother who suffers from depression.I have a 4 year old and worry about her and the impact that my illness may have on her.I am also an early years practitioner(I'm having time out work at the moment)so I tend to scrutinize anything I do and often tell myself I could do better.I had a time when I felt rather detached from my little girl,although I knew I loved her very much,but tried to make her feel as loved and appreciated as always.It did not always work.As Evergreen put it, making mistakes is part of parenthood,mental illness or not,so I'm trying not to blame myself too much for it,of course it is not easy. Now I'm feeling better and can feel that closeness again,so being with her and for her and is special for both again.
I think you're doing the best you could possibly do for your children and you're being a good role model.Nurturing their self esteem,and bringing them up in a loving,honest relationship is the best start you could give them in life,and will give them an insight on how to create future positive relationships of their own.
I don't know if your children will develop depression,it is difficult to tell-I don't know if mine will(depression runs in both my and her father's families so she is obviously at risk),there are a lot of factors trigging this illness but I think you're taking all the positive steps to bring them up into confident,fulfilled individuals.All we can do is try our best.If you want to talk you can write to me at khalom@fsmail.net
Take care
Metuka-1 |
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| EVERGREEN
Full Member (100+ posts)
136 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 06/01/2005 : 09:41:37
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Hi Harvess, Natrually your oldest child is concerned. Your his mother and he loves you. He is fearful of lossing you. The best thing you can do is to be positive and open, just as you are doing. Reassure him that you are NOT going any where. That you will always be there for your children. All your children what to know is that you are well and that you will always be around to care for them. It seems to me that you are doing just that. Don't worry about it.
Many children have parents who are ill, I have diabetes and my grand niece and nephew know that I take medication for my sugar. I also take medication for my blood pressure, they know about that too. It's normal for them to see me taking medication. It is normal for your children to see you taking yours. Be non-chalant about it. It's no big deal. It's the hospitalization that scared them. Your going away. They just need reassurance that you are there for them.
EVERGREEN |
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| LaurieEonta
Starting Member
2 Posts |
Posted - 07/23/2007 : 10:59:56
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Hi everyone,
I'm new here, and I wish I had something "wise" to say, but I don't...Actually, I probably need some advice, because I can totally relate to being short-fused around children. I feel awful saying that, but I have two boys (a 3-year old and a 1-year old), and I try to do my best, but I feel the most comfortable when they're asleep or visiting someone else's house. I love them very much, but it's like I almost wish I was a close relative instead of their mom, because I love them so much, but I'm afraid that I'm short-tempered sometimes for reasons that are not their fault, and I'm not being a good enough parent...like they'd be better off with someone that could do better, but I love them still and would not want to see them on a regular basis. My 3-year old can remember a few months ago, when I checked myself into a Day Hospital, and I did okay while I was in there, but now I am back to not wanting to get out of bed and crying all the time. I hate to think of what it's doing to both of my sons, but especially my 3-year old, who sometimes asks me about it. I want to make the best out of it for my kids (like I'm sure everyone else does), but I sometimes don't have the energy to even fake happiness, which is what I always was taught to do ("even if you're struggling, don't let it show for the family's sake"). Right now, my husband and I are going through difficult financial times...we've had to borrow money from my parents for rent and utilities, and we don't have any food except for a few staples...it's usually not this bad, but I've been a stay-at-home mom and my husband has been working exra-long shifts to make ends meet, so I don't have anything to spare to take the kids to McDonald's or get ice-cream. I don't mean to ramble on, and I'm not trying to complain because I know there are people who are in worse situations then I am, but I was wondering if I could get advice on how to give my kids the best that I can. I've taken them to the park and tried to play with them one-on-one as much as possible, but I admit that I've sat around and cried far too much while they watch t.v. and sort of babysit themselves. I know that's horrible, but sometimes (most of the time?) I feel totally unable to properly interact with them, so I withdraw because I'm too afraid I'll start yelling at them.
Please help me, I don't know how, but any advice would be appreciated...I've been thinking about this for a while and if I tell my husband or my parents, they'll basically tell me that things will improve if I "snap out of it"...and I love my kids so much, I don't want to damage them with my behavior and our current poverty. I reads another message someone posted about growing up poor with a mother who was constantly depressed and how much it affected him, and I don't want to inadvertently do that to my children, while I experiment with different medications and relapse, again and again. Please help, thank you. |
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| Peggy82
Starting Member
11 Posts |
Posted - 04/06/2011 : 02:32:51
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| We, parents, should be strong for our children. Even how hard it is, we have to "appear" strong for our children. I have seen children whose parents went through a divorce. It is not easy to see these children deal with pain. Some of them I have encountered with counseling. During the counseling sessions, they pour out their hearts and all their pains. They said that they are hurt seeing their parents getting hurt. One child said that she cannot stand looking at her mother who is into depression because her father left them and went with another women. The divorce process also triggered more the depression. Just think of these children and divorce, and what these children went through. But, of course, that will never be easy. Take one step at a time. Time heals. |
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children of a depressed parent.
