I met my husband 10 years ago and his son was then 3. My husband has full custody and his son has to go to his mom every holiday. We finaly moved in together 6 years ago and got married 2 years ago. My bond with my stepson was ok, until we all moved in together. It's always something....He complains about me, makes me look like i'm this awefull person and he argues with me. He always mentions that he wants to live with his mother and she keeps pulling him. He will do anything to make his life look horrible here. Also he prefers to spend all his time with his dad and there is not one minute a day that I can have a "privat" moment with my husband. He's always there listning to our conversations etc. He doesn't invite friends or go to friends. I believe at this age he needs to start having his own personal life. I always end up saying something.....stop playing your gameboy for a while and go outside with some friends....he will look at me like he could shoot me...but he will go sometimes....and be back in 10 minutes. Great!!!!! We know it's much better for him to stay with us. School wise and life guidance wise. However...I can't deal with this. It feels like I have to walk on eggshells all the time and have to please him,so he wants to stay here. I want my husband to be happy and he said he would give up a lot (even his career) as long as his son and I would get along. I have to admit...I can't take a lot anymore and I blow up even about little things. I have always been very sensitive/emotional and react strong to things.....therefor two years ago I finally found some help and they gave me an antidepressant. This was a great addition to my life. I felt so much better. However...I still can't deal with this stepson issue. Every singel time he has gone to his mom, she comes back with the message that he wants to stay with her. We were just buying new stuff for his teenage room and redoing the whole room. Than when he came back he started asking for certain things in his room (simple things), but i said no to it all. My husband got really upset and asked me why I was being so difficult. He said some of it infront of his son and I feel so awefull and small about that. Like they are a team. I can't face them now....I want to hide. If it wasn't for these issues we would have tried to get pregnant by now....but no....my life is on hold, because I don't want to have a child in these circumstances. I want to beable to enjoy every single moment of it with my husband. My husband game with an ultimatum...he will send his son back after 6 months if we still don't get along....Is this the answer??? I don't think so...My husband will never forgive me (in his heart) that he let his son go because of me. So what do I do???? This feels like a huge pressure on me! A while ago we also planned on stopping with my medication, so we could try to get pregnant around the end of this year...so the baby would be born in the summer...when our stepson is with his mom(for 8 weeks every summer). Well, in a difficult time like this....with the big pressure on me...I can't stop with the medication...so I can't get pregnant....so.... I just don't know anymore. What can I do? What should I do? Should we all go in therapy together?
I'm just venting and hope I will get some input/advice.
Thanks so much for the lovely reply. It's been a while since I posted my message and was very surprised to get a reply at this moment. Your advice was very heart-warming and I will keep your advice in mind @ difficult situations. We have been married for 2,5 years now and things have changed. My husband and I got a much stronger band and even though my stepson is 15 now (and only just started this year with showing real puberty "signs"), we are some what ok. I try not to deal with his issues (school, moods etc.). I can feel he knows he doesn't have to love me...like you love a "real" parent, right now...and that is easier for him. Always someone to blame stuff one ;-) However, every time he comes back from his mom now...and even though he is moody then (because life is (seems)sooo good with her...It's vacation time!!!!! No rules, no homework, no bd time and he can have whatever he wants)...he doesn't mention moving anymore. I think he has accepted that he lives with us and this is the way it is. I'm doing OK overal...and when needed I just drink a glass of wine, do what I enjoy and just focus on something else :-) Thank you so much for your reply....only a few more years and hopefully he will understand some day...what all I did for him!
HI MOISSIE , PLEASE JOIN US IN GENERAL DISCUSSION OR SOCIAL OR IM A NEW MEMBER. a big site and i have never been able to go over it all carefully in a day. i just started answering posts dated along time ago.
boaderline you also join us , there are very few restrictions on this site. people are nice,loyal,forgiving, loving, they will not abandon you.. so make yourself heard the both of you..
i love everyone red,white,blue and every other frequency and spectrum to.
hi again i had two step fathers they were different one a con artist, the other bad personality disorder and mental illness, borderline advice is right on the mark.
i love everyone red,white,blue and every other frequency and spectrum to.