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Mood Disorder Community
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Rainbowfish
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5628 Posts
Gratitude: 637
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 Posted - 09/26/2008 : 14:15:10
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I have had terrible anxiety for days now. Usually it doesn't last this long. I feel so out of control and I can't stop worrying about everything so I just obsess about everything. I have an appointment with a Psychiatrist on Oct. 10th so I can get a full diagnosis of my depression and anxiety and to see if I am bi-polar. I can hardly function, I have the anger building up that I don't even want to control and the emotional turmoil that has me feeling imbalanced. I am practically paranoid that people are talking about me and making fun of me. I feel like I'm always being judged. I just want to cry and scream! I barely made it home from work yesterday and ended up taking 3 Ativan(Lorazapam) and it finally calmed me down. I take 75mg Zoloft for depression. I have no support, no friends or family, no one I can call and talk to. I have a therapist but I can't afford the co-pay to see her and had to cancel my appointment for tomorrow. It's like I get myself backed in a corner with no way out. I don't get close enough to anyone to be friends because I have been hurt so badly my whole life I have lost the ability to trust anyone. This doesn't sound good, I hope I'm not going insane.
RAINBOWFISH  |
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| Fruitcup (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 604
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Posted - 09/27/2008 : 03:41:28
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Hi rainbowfish
It does sound like things are stressed to the max for you at the moment.It is great that you see the pdoc on the 10th...same day as me so I know how far away it feels.Maybe you need your meds fine tuned...they will know.
Depression does make us isolate ourselves....it takes a real effort to try and find a support network but at least you have started with this community...there is always someone to listen to you...so you really are'nt as alone as it seems.
Until you see the pdoc look after yourself....wear your favourite clothes, play your favourite music, use your favourite fragrance or burn oil as I do...drink lots of water or tea...coke and coffee will make you feel worse if you are anything like me...and have your home at a comfortable temperature and I like lots of light.....an take your ativan before you redline.During bad times I have it by my bedside with water and take it when I wake up anxious and start the day calmer....most times I just need half a tablet.
Do what ever it takes to be kind to yourself until you see the doctor.I hope even one of my suggestions might help you...
Insane is a very harsh word...most of us are just a little bit unwell and need the right balance of lifestyle and medication to get us feeling stronger and more able to get back into the mainstream of life.
Wishing you the best and sending hugs
Sue
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| firebird
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1555 Posts
Gratitude: 561
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Posted - 09/27/2008 : 13:00:45
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Hi Rainbowfish, of all things I think anxiety sucks the most. Even more than depression. Looking back I have found times of great anxiety come before a breakthrough. I believe these times of anxiety come at a time when we are breaking down old out dated thoughts and ideas we hold about ourselves. we don't realize it at the time, but we are on a learning curve, we are changing. Its painful but it does not last forever. Eventually you will push through onto a clearer more confident path. Keep working with your therapist and follow the advise of your doc, look also for some alternative self help therapies i.e. ti chi, yoga, meditation, art. I used to go out for a run when I felt all nervouse or like climbing the walls and screaming. When I came back I found the run had tamed those inner beasts.
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| Rainbowfish
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5628 Posts
Gratitude: 637
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Posted - 09/27/2008 : 13:09:08
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WOW, 2 good things have happened to me already since I got up today......First, thank you, Sue, for your thoughtful and knowledgable response, you know what this anxiety feels like! And my therapist called and talked to me helped me understand, I'm quite vulnerable right now with my thoughts, low self worth. I knew I would be getting a raise this week and they are giving a very low one or a very high one to everyone. I got the low one and it triggered so much negativity I just wanted to run away screaming and crying! I did drive kinda reckless with my radio turned full blast after work all the way home. That's not like me. I thought I was important and had extreme value to my employer and this proved I am not as important as I thought. It could also be discrimination because I had a surgery 7 and 1/2 weeks ago, had to be out on short term disability, which is the cause of much of my anxiety. Living on 2/3 pay has been challenging and stressful. I feel emberassed about this crappy raise, I don't even want to go back to work. I always try to excell and thought that's what I was doing based on the managers' feedback. I have isolated myself from the real world which doesn't help. My therapist suggested tapping my creativity this weekend, I like to make earrings and they are quite unique and pretty. I just thought of something else I have wanted to do, take photos of them with my new digital camera that I am still figuring out how to use.
Yes, I am looking forward to seeing the Psychiatrist, I have never seen one before. I feel like I need an expert to help get me on the right meds. Also to fully diagnose my mental disabilities. My grandmother was schitzophrenic and my mother has very odd mental problems so I know I have more than just severe depression. It scares me a bit, like what 'label' will I now have? Will I be dx as unfit to take care of myself and my pets? So much worry! Which leads to more anxiety......I'm going to take a shower and put on a comfy, pretty outfit (I had a hysterectomy and clothes still are tight and uncomfortable on my tummy), you're right, it helps our mood to do this. Oh I kept my ovaries so hormone imbalance isn't an issue for me, I actually feel better and have more energy since having the operation.
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| jennismortal
Starting Member
12 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 06/06/2009 : 05:08:42
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I really think.The best thing you can do is find an alternate life. Go online and onto chats and speak to people that share your experiences. There is a site called experience project and it is for people in all sorts of emotional turmoil. Study hard, concentrate on you, eat healthy, set goals for self-improvement.
www.anxietytherapypro.com
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| xek
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1927 Posts |
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Anxiety is taking over my life
