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Depression and Fear of Abandonment

Do You Have Problems With Fear of Abandonment?

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Administrator
Administrator

14912 Posts
Gratitude: 593
Very caring Very wise I agree

Posted - 09/23/2007 : 21:50:20

Dear Members,

Research has shown that fear of abandonment is often a problem in depression.

Fear of Abandonment is defined as:

Fears being alone or being temporarily separated from a loved one.

Could you please tell our community if fear of abandonment was part of your depression, and what made this better or worse.

Your comments will greatly help others facing these same problems.

Phil Long M.D.
Administrator

Niney
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

2393 Posts
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Very caring Very wise Very honest

Posted - 09/29/2007 : 16:38:00

I wasn't afraid of being separated from a loved one because I am single and my children were in the process of leaving home when I got sick. However, there was a fear of being alone.
When I left work because of my depression, I had to sell my house. A friend offered to let me stay with her which I did for a year. She was only home on the weekends so I was by myself during the week. This helped me to gradually get used to being on my own for longer periods. Then when I was ready to get my own place, I knew I was capable of living on my own. I still went through a huge adjustment when I moved to my own place, but it was with the knowledge that I COULD do it.
Niney

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."
Helen Keller

EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

9136 Posts
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Posted - 10/03/2007 : 14:34:59

Hi,
Do I have problems with independence? Yes.

-EA

unemployed
thirty-two-year-old Korean-American
married woman
diagnosed bipolar 1993

wagonator
Starting Member

8 Posts

Posted - 10/13/2007 : 05:25:54

someonetimes i want to be alone
i can be happy alone
i want everyone to GO AWAY sometimes
sometimes i want to be with people
sometimes...
im afraid of not coping by myself
im afraid of losing myself in someone losing my independence

aquamarine
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)

1238 Posts
Gratitude: 300
Very caring

Posted - 10/13/2007 : 10:54:37

I think lack of independence has, in many ways, led to my depression and kept it from going away. My husband is away and I am noticing that I am free in a way I have not allowed myself to be in a long time.

I am free to turn on the heat when I want to without being afraid he will criticize me (I pay the bill...so not sure why he cares either way). I am free to go anywhere, with anyone, without being afraid he will get mad at me. I am free to do the things I like to do without feeling guilty about doing them.

These things are informing me that I allow my husband to control me in so many ways. I give up independence to keep our relationship comfortable, to avoid conflict. I don't like that I do this. I feel like I give away bits of myself by giving up my independence.

I notice that whenever he has gone away I feel a sense of freedom that I do not feel when he is home.

My strong sense of needing my independence can be a big problem. I push people away because I feel suffocated, or feel like I need my space. I think this is a defense mechanism. I push them away before they get the chance to push me away.

I struggle so much with my fear of being rejected by others. I believe this stems from two things in my life: As a child and teenager I had to move with my family to different parts of the country every 2-3 years. Each time I moved I had to make new friends. I think I gave up some of my independence and became who people needed me to be in order to make and meet new friends. Also, I had a father who dismissed my ideas all the time. He was the most important male role model in my life.

His dismissiveness was heartbreaking as all I wanted to do was please him. I am 42 and he still dismisses me and I still try to please him. It still hurts me every time he rejects me. I do not know how to become independent in this relationship, other than avoid him, which is what I end up doing.

I have replaced my father with a husband who does the same thing. It is strange, but the more I feel dismissed, the more I struggle to be close to the person dismissing me. This affects my independence. I do not feel safe being independent because I fear I will be rejected.

...aqua

warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)