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Undiscovered
New Member
60 Posts
Gratitude: 29
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 Posted - 02/19/2007 : 16:59:55
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okay, well firstly this is one of those RANT topics, just a warning.
I'm really at my wits end, I'm so confused and alone right now and frustrated with myself because I'm doing things that I know is wrong but have this compulsion to do so. Alot of things are happening in my life right now that I have no control over yet I'm getting no where... hmm, let me explain.
I was first diagnosed with 'depression' about a year ago by my GP. I was in absolute shock! I couldn't believe it! me... depressed? pfft no! I felt no different to how I always felt. I talked to my family about it and they told me that I'd changed... I was colder towards people, not showing much emotion, kept staying indoors etc... it hit me when I looked at old photographs and I saw myself when I was younger. I was happy... I was a 'happy-go-lucky' kinda kid. I made people laugh, I actually had a personality. I couldn't remember when I was last happy and it's been a long time since I felt tears... or any emotion. I drifted from my friends and I finally realised I was alone... completely alone and nobody knows who I am, not even myself!
It all started when I was bullied at school... I was a thin, scrawny little kid and was a perfect target for all my peers. I tried to fit in and never really expressed myself in the fear of being wrong, but then I just got used as a door matt, i always felt inadequete like I wasn't good enough for anything... people pityed me and looking back now, I feel as if I don't know what friendship is. I'm STILL a skinny scrawny... TALL guy and those feelings have never left me to this day and I'm trapped as this young teenager and can't move on.
I apparently developed a 'Social phobia' from this and I find it very difficult to communicate with people without negative thoughts of being judged. I get strangers in the street callin me 'anorexic' and everywhere I go to eat people stare at me and I even overheard a couple sayin that they believed I had 'bulimia' but thats way off the mark! I've cut myself off from everybody... even my family, I feel like I can't trust anybody. My family take my depression lightly and don't fully understand it, thinking I'll snap out of it. I have no one to talk too. I feel so alone. I've now been diagnosed with 'Body Dysmorphic Disorder' and I can't help but think I'm just hopeless. I'm getting little or no sleep and nothing really seems to be gettin any better no matter what I do.
I'm going to the hospital for my weight problem and I've had months and months of tests with no answer. I've been worried out of mind thinking I had 'Marfan Syndrome' and 'Wilsons Disease.' I'm now having an 'Upper GI Endoscopy' in a few weeks which makes me even more stressed but hopefully I'll get a viable answer. I've had to delay my studies and university and my parents are gonna hit the roof when they find out because they're expect alot from me, and are worried that I'm messing my career up over all this.
I JUST CAN'T GAIN WEIGHT. I dunno if it's my fault... am I eating enough? how much does a 6ft 6" man need to eat? Is it all in the mind, is the depression a contributing factor? Do I have an eating disorder? I just don't know anymore! I don't gain or lose weight at all, no matter what I eat, I stay the same! I bet I eat more than anybody on this web site. I don't know what to do or how to act, I keep gettin contradictory advice. I've taken supplements and havin snacks but to no avail... I'm even on 40mg of citalopram which I hear is supposed to put on weight but no, that doesnt work either.
If theres anybody that can help me then please post a reply. I'm desperate for some kind of answer, advice, or even someone to talk to. If there is anyone who is in a similar or relative situation than please let me know.
Thank you.  |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 02/19/2007 : 18:19:57
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Hi Undiscovered,
Thank You for sharing insight in to your life so far.I am fortunately not in a similar situation to you. However I am blessed in my mentality, in that, I've a considerable amount of compassion, to establish a rapport, and who knows, possibly an empathy, with anyone who has such deep rooted psychological difficulties.
I'm not long off citalopram, and found such medication helpful.However I am realistic enough to understand that we are all different, when it comes to how we metabolise, and what gain we get from anti depressant medication.
So from what I have said so far, you may feel I'm not much of a help to you, but I have responded to you on the basis that you need someone to talk to and won't pass judgement. So in that context I may be of some use. No harm in giving me a try.
I discovered your existence here,(no pun intended), through your wish to be added to the Birthday list. That I shall endeavour to do right now.
Do keep in touch, I've been around for a while now, and so I may be able to answer some of your questions about this website.
Yours in community friendship, David
Live and Let Live!
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| badtzmaru
Starting Member
14 Posts |
Posted - 02/20/2007 : 09:31:06
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I know from my experience that extremely stressful situations, like you describe being bullied, can leave me feeling very bad for days afterwards. When I have been really scared by an angry confrontation, or the threat of violence, I tend to mope and lose interest in things that normally make me happy.
It might be the mechanism for PTSD, which can affect some people more than others in the same stressful situation. These incidents linger in my mind and I keep going over them.
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| steelersmom
Starting Member
2 Posts |
Posted - 02/22/2007 : 10:49:13
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I don't have a whole lot of info. but what I have to say is that my husband is 6 foot 6 and weights 180 pounds. He can eat more then anyone I know and NEVER gain a pound. He just has a high metabolism. I know that for guys it can be frustrating, but for us women we would kill for that!! I can smell a hamburger and gain 15 pounds. I like to joke that we are jack sprat who could eat no fat and I am the wife who eats no lean!!
You fight for what you've got, even if it's only worth a dime. |
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| b7stevensummer
Starting Member
3 Posts |
Posted - 03/15/2013 : 18:24:55
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| Dr Atkins wrote book called Atkins diet for people who want to lose weight. But in 1970s he wrote another book called the super energy diet, which contained info on how to gain weight. If you can get hold of this book it may be of use, hope Amazon has it. I have heard of people going to docotr and saying have i got tapeworm. the doctor says in our advanced society, not likely. So people go to pet shop and say my dog has tapeworm, it is a large dog, i need tabs for him. I have heard o people taking these, and going from skinny to fat. People say oh no I am eating like i used to get away with, but now I am fat, i wish I could back to the old days. Also a diet company called Herbalife usually do weight loss, but they used to have a weight gain plan too. There is a percentage of women that like skinny men, so dont worry. |
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