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katek51907
Starting Member
15 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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 Posted - 02/07/2007 : 13:01:51
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Hi all! I am brand new to this website and I am so thankful to have found it! I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder at the age of 20 in 2000. I was hospitalized four times in 2000,intially for mania and then the other 3 times for depression. Depression is the one that has haunted me a lot more thaqn mania. Anytime I have an episode it is deopression. When I am stable, I live a very happy normal and productive life. I work fulltime, spend time with family and friends, and spend time planning my upcoming May wedding. Around the beggining of October I began to feel depresssed. At first I did not tell my fiance, my mom or anyone. I convinced myself it was job stress (I began to hate my job) and stress from the wedding. I convinced my self it was just a bad couple of days. But then days turned into weeks and I cried every morning when iI got ready for work, so terrified to have to go. I could no longer concentrate AT ALL at work. Finally I told my ficance Chuck what was going on. He suggested I look into taking a leave of absence at work. I was put on short term disability Nov 1st. I have not eben back to work sincwe. I am STILL depressed. It has been agonizing. My doctor does not know what is going on, she put me on Limectal and has been increasuing the dose every 2 weeks. Nothing helps. I am convinced that the medical community just does not know that much about bipolar. Anyway, thats my story so far. I am looking for support from people who know waht its like to live with the ilness. Any words of wisdom anyone has would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!  |
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| katek51907
Starting Member
15 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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Posted - 02/10/2007 : 05:57:05
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Hi Valitsaki,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I was so happy to see someone responded. And to hear that lamectal works for someone.
What I meant when I said that my doctor doen's know wahats going on is she doesn't know why I am still depressed. I just get frustrated when there is not a reason why. She is a wonderful doctor who specializes in bipolar, and I have been with her since I was first diagnosed. So I trust her completlety. It's just that this is the longest I have been depressed and I'm so frustrated thatg it's still going on. Its really hard. I try to keep busy everyday so I won't think about. I don't think anyone really knows how I really feel. I sort of put on a act for everyone. I mean, its obvious I'm depressed but I don't show how bad it really is. I constantly worry about my fiance and how it affects him. He is an amazing man, but as hard as he or anyone else tries, I sometimes feel really alone. I feel like you can't completly understand bipolar unless you have it. I told him the other day its been like 3 months since I've felt happiness. He was crushed by that, took it personally. I told him it has nothing to do with him and decided I would not say things like that to him. I have recently stated seeing a therapist which is really helping. It is great to talk to someone who is not emotionally involved with me.
As far as my job is concerned, it is very stressful. I work at a call center for a huge company. They pull calls all the time and expect total perfection. You even get in trouble for going to the bathroom too much, more time away from the phone. I've actually had 3 meetings about it, they told me to work on it. I said how the hell can I work on it; want me to hold it?? I take lithium so I have to drink A LOT of water, so I go to the bathrooma lot. Anyway, I have started looking for a new job with less stress. We'll see what happens.
Anyway, thank you so much for listening. I have to go now and buy invitations for the wedding. Planning it makes me feel good! |
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| stile
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1627 Posts
Gratitude: 461
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Posted - 04/13/2007 : 00:13:32
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Hi all,
I can relate to long-term depression. I have been depressed since 1986. 21 years! It is hard to believe but that is the truth. I wasn't diagnosed until 1996, at which point I was put on Paxil. I functioned alright until I started switching - manic episodes followed by severe depression. I was diagnosed Bipolar in 2003 and have been on a variety of medications and am now back on the Paxil and Zyprexa.
It is very difficult to kick depression after 21 years. But I am still hopeful. That is the only thing that keeps me going is holding onto that last grain of hope that somehow, things will improve again.
Good luck to those of you out there still fighting the good fight, and congratulations Kate on the wedding.
-stile |
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| alicat35
Starting Member
16 Posts
Gratitude: 8
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Posted - 08/19/2007 : 08:54:37
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Hello there,
I can relate as well. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 in 2002 and have been hospitalized with depression most times since being diagnosed. I also feel very depressed again around late September early October. My doctor says its Seasonal Affective Disorder. You may want to discuss that with your doctor. During the colder months of course there's not much sunlight. When there's more sunlight for some people, its easier (not always of course) to get up out of bed and do things, go outside, exercise, etc. Also, I am on Lamictal as well. I do not think its working for me. Doctors explore many medications and see which "coctail" is right for you. I hope that you are feeling good right now. Please don't hesitate to post again. I really like this website and being able to relate to others, and I hope that you will enjoy it and get some use also. Take care and have a wonderful week.
alexandra aronson |
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| katek51907
Starting Member
15 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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Posted - 08/19/2007 : 18:39:26
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Thank you so much for your input alicat! Ijust got out of the hospital last week and beforwe that I was isolating and couldnt get out of bed, thats why I haven't been loging on here.
As far as my depression is concerned, it continues. I got married in May,and felt like myself for about a month before, the wedding and then at the end of our honeymoon I felt the depression seeping back in. I had a really scary moment on our way home (we drove to Key West-so beautiful!. I was having these awful racing thoughts that would not stop. "you'll always be sick, you'll never get better, you're a burden to your family, you should just end it", and at the same time feeling very depressed, no energy, feeling worthless. So basically I was having a mixed episode. So when we got back i went to my doctor and she precribed me ativan for the anxiety and agreed it was a mixed epidoe caused by too much lamictal. It was the worst anxiety, I felt like I was going to die, like I was going to have a heart attak. So she weened me off lamital and the episode ended a few days later. But it just slammed right back into depression. Finally, about 2 weeks ago, I called my doc and told her I was having sucical thougts, and the next day I was hospitalzed. I was there for 2 weeks, when they discharged me I was slightly better and the sucidal thoughts were gone. I'm doing the day program there now. They put me on Trileptal 600mg a day, Wellbutrin 200mg/day, Pamelor 100 mg/day on top of of the ones I was taking Serequel 100mg/day Lithium 750g/day. So basicaly now I'm just waiting for something to work. I'll give it a month and if there is no change we going to get a second opinon. I have been depressed dince Sept 06, so something HAS to be done. Anyway, I have babbled on haven't I??
I hope everything is well with everyone and I soooo appreciate anyone who is reading this.
Kate |
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| dizzydean
Super Member (250+ posts)
838 Posts
Gratitude: 294
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Posted - 08/26/2007 : 15:53:31
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Hello,
I too was cursed with a 2 and half year never-ending depression. My pdoc never gave up on me, kept trying, being very patient. I went through all sorts of tests, thyroid, sleep studies, blood glucose, etc. And slews of meds. Now I am relatively stable, more good days than bad. (For about 3 months.)
Currently I take, Synthroid, Lamictal, Glucophage, Seroquel, Abilify, and Provigil.
Also, I do not have high blood sugar or hypothyroid, these meds actually help my mood. I quit taking the Lithobid about 2 months ago, because of side effects, but I could never get a theraputic level anyway. (I took 1800mgs a day, and my levels never got over .5)
Don't give up. I have also been in some kind of therapy, ie counseling or outpatient hospital for 4 years. No doubt, it helps.
My thoughts are with you. You're right when you say people who have not been through it just cannot understand. But there is hope. I lost hope many times, but my support system got me through. And now I am happy to say it was worth it. I am more involved in my marriage and care of my daughter. And I am actually enjoying activities that I would never have pleasure in ever again. I have better relationships with EVERYONE in my life. Keep the faith.
Dizzy |
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| wagonator
Starting Member
8 Posts |
Posted - 08/27/2007 : 03:28:30
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God thats a lot of different meds. I dont like taking meds im only on one fluoxetine/prozac and thats annoying. I feel like ive been depressed for 17 years my whole life! But ive been majorly depressed for 2 or three years more bad days than not, things are pretty stressful in year twelve, but slowly maybe getting to be more good days don't want to jinx it.
You're so young and its hard to find other people like us.
Just thought id put my two cents in, no one else wqill listen.
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Never-ending Depression
