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PrairieLife
Starting Member
2 Posts |
 Posted - 10/27/2015 : 13:48:52
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Hello,
My first time posting to a forum like this…trying to figure out the right med/meds for myself and for my situation. I know that this is a highly specific, individual issue, but I thought that maybe some of the knowledgeable people in here could give me some suggestions. Some background on me:
I am 37 years old, married, two young children. I have a job that I love, and have no major negatives in my life: excellent health, no major tragedies, good living situation, etc. I first went on anti-depressants five years ago, around the time my first child was born. The cause was generally stress – I am prone to stress out over stuff, although I do not especially suffer from anxiety or depression. I do have a tendency towards OCD, which exacerbates the stress.
That said, since becoming a parent, and especially a parent of two, I find my stress level (at home) overwhelming, and I am having an especially difficult time coping. I am the primary caregiver, as my wife works long and irregular hours as a health professional, and I always feel on the edge of…not really a panic attack, since I don’t experience those, but I just constantly feel that I am suffocating from stress.
I recently returned home from a week away, having traveled to a workshop out-of-state, and I was ready to hit the ground running, refreshed and missing the family. I figured that the time away would reset my stress levels and give me more perspective, but instead the opposite was true. It was like returning to sensory overload. The messy house (no messier than always since we had kids) felt like total chaos, the stink bugs which have plagued us since October felt like a horrifying swarm, and the hubbub and drama of having two small kids in the house seemed overwhelming.
I am a low-key person and, while not a complete introvert, treasure peace and solitude. I hate drama. And of course, having little kids completely torpedoes that – not five minutes go by without someone yelling or crying, arguing, fighting, etc. I love my kids, and am a very hands-on kind of dad, and I hate how it stresses me out all the time. I can see objectively that none of what gets my blood pressure up is really a big deal at all, but that understanding cannot beat out my overwhelming emotional response.
And that is why I have sought out medication – if only there was a way that I could enjoy family life and child-raising, without drowning in pointless stress that just makes everything worse anyway. I have been taking Sertraline (Zoloft) – 100mg daily – for a few years now. I guess it makes a positive improvement? It’s hard for me to tell, although it definitely has some effect, since when I accidentally went off it a while back due to forgetting to pack it on a weeklong trip, the withdrawal was definitely noticeable (although nothing I would call severe).
But this med has not helped as much as I had hoped, and about 6-8 weeks ago, I started taking 37.5mg daily of Venlafaxine (Effexor). I haven’t noticed any change – positive or negative – with this pill, although I have read that it can have a very long lag time to effect improvement. I also have a prescription for Lorazepam (Ativan) – 1mg as needed – which I rarely ever use.
So anyway, I’m still looking for something that will ease my stress levels around the home. I feel like my highs/happy times are perfectly as one would expect, but my lows are really low. When I get overwhelmed, I just want to shut down. I become moody, withdrawn, irritable, and profoundly sad. I feel like I lose all control of my emotional regulation. I feel backed into a fight-or-flight corner, and fantasize about running far, far away. Our house feels like a prison, and the home of all that is frustrating and insurmountable in my life. I imagine that anywhere would be better than here, even though I know deep down that isn’t true.
I do feel lately like I am struggling with a tinge of mental illness, or at least that my emotional dysregulation has gotten out of my control. Depression does exist in my family, including an uncle and a grandmother (no one closer, although whether my sister struggles with it is a big question mark). And my OCD – which is usually a net positive – keeping my life in order and helping me to be a real asset at work – exacerbated my stress and causes my to fixate on things in a counter-productive way.
My wife is not particularly helpful, but I can hardly blame her. She spends all day (and sometimes all night) giving her all as a health care provider, dealing with patient and co-worker drama (there is lots of each) and then has to come home and over-parent because she is not around as much as I am. And my moods and unpredictability don’t make life any easier for her than they do for me. But when I get like that, it just feels like a pit that I can’t climb out of. (Although leaving the situation is helpful, I can’t just head out every time my stress level rises – then I really wouldn’t be a good parent.)
So if anyone has any thoughts on what I might try next in terms of meds, I am looking for advice. I know there are lots of choices out there, with various upsides and downsides, and that it can take a very long time to find the right med or combination. But I also have heard people talk about finding what works for them as suddenly getting a glasses prescription right and seeing the world with full clarity for the first time in a long time.
(The other thing I have considered is smoking pot when things get to feel really overwhelming, which I know is outside the scope of this forum, but I thought I would put it out there in an attempt to paint the full picture. I have never been drunk or high in my life, but the thought of having a “buzz” to take the edge off sounds extremely enticing. I had never even touched alcohol until a couple of years ago, when I started having a little wine on occasion.
I did smoke pot at a school reunion this past summer – the first time I had ever tried any kind of non-pharmaceutical drug. I was eager to experience the effects but…..nothing really happened. I definitely inhaled a lot, but it really didn’t have any kind of effect beyond maybe feeling slightly different? But really nothing terribly noticeable. Maybe it’s a first-time thing? But it made my worry that maybe I am immune to the effects of drugs – pharmaceutical or illicit? I don’t suppose that’s really a thing. But I would have thought that I would be a real lightweight after a lifetime of abstinence, but instead the opposite seemed to be true.)
Anyway, sorry this is such a long post – I just wanted to provide as much detail of my situation as possible so anyone wanting to offer advice wouldn’t have to ask lots of clarifying questions. Of course, if anyone wants to ask me about anything I may have left out, or needs more information, I am happy to respond. Thank you all in advance.  |
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| PrairieLife
Starting Member
2 Posts |
Posted - 10/30/2015 : 08:18:35
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I should also mention that my wife and I do attend counseling once or twice a month. We used to go as individuals, but now do almost every session as a couple, since most of our stress arises from shared issues in the home. This is helpful as a way of facilitating communication, and allowing us to share what is going on in our lives with an objective third party, but I'm not sure how helpful it is beyond that. Although it's nice for us to be able to talk to a fellow adult for an hour without kids around! I tried doing EMDR therapy during a particular rough patch several years ago (external issues that have nothing to do with my current stresses) and maybe I should try that again.
Also, when I said that my wife is not particularly helpful, I didn't mean that as a general statement, but specifically referring to my depressive moods. She just doesn't know how to react and deal with it in a constructive way, and her frustration and impatience with me at such times generally serves to make me feel worse. But again, I fully recognize the extra hardship it puts on her.
I hope that my extremely lengthy initial post didn't put off potential responders. I just really need advice. My wife and I had the worst fight of our 11-year relationship the other night (in front of the kids no less) and it just feels like we are drowning in accumulated stress. Things are better now - we patched things up, and have taken pragmatic steps to improve our situation (more help with childcare, a better system for mornings and bedtime, etc) but this yoyo-ing of emotion takes quite a toll. I now understand why childless couples live longer and score higher on quality of life surveys! I love our kids, but sometimes it's like I can feel my life expectancy getting shorter (as my blood pressure rises and hair turns gray by the day). :P |
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ADVICE on meds?
