I am 41 and was diagnosed with BP at 39. It was during a major depressive episode. I had suicidal thoughts (with a plan). I decided to leave abrubtly to visit my mother, about three hours away. With her help I checked myself into the hosp. I returned home about four days later.
This was just before Xmas. My son was 12 at the time. It must have been very confusing for him. My wife and I explained to him that I was "sick" and needed to see some doctors.
We have since maintained the position of my being "sick" without further clarification. He is now 14 and I recently lost yet another job. My prior losing of a job is what triggered my MDE two years ago. Although I am not in a MDE (actually I'm hypomanic) thanks due to seeing my pdoc immediately upon the potentially triggering event and getting a new med, I sense my son is worried I will "leave" again.
At any rate, I have discussed this with my wife and we have decided we should tell him more about my condition. Any advice from those who have had to do this is greatly appreciated. Should I sugar coat it? Should I tell him the whole truth? I am worried he will think less of me because I'm mentally ill.
(my first attempt at posting didnt go thru because I wasnt registered) Would you think less of a diabetic that has to take insulin or a hemophiliac that has to take Factor VIII therapies? I plan on telling my children in this way. That I have an illness that requires medicines, therapy sometimes- for past and current events, routines such as sleeping cycle and healthy food. I will explain to them about the history of mental illness, its treatments and why the stigma exists. We dont have the actual "cause" determined for this illness. On the brighter side, we can manage the illness. For me,I am thankful to live in the 21st century where drugs like Zyprexa save me (again and again). I will explain that not everyone needs to know about my illness (like my employer for example) because of the current stigma attached. Social attitudes take longer to change than the breakthroughs that technology bring. I believe by bringing in family members/closest friends, then they can help me be healthy particularly in times when I am unable to help myself. Hope this is helpful.
Plug, I know this is a little late, but I wanted to reply anyway. My oldest son is 9 and huge help, when it comes to my moods. My kids have been to my appointments with me and the doctor has talked to them individually about how they think mommy feels and how it makes them feel. We have always explained to our children that mommy's brain is different than everyone else's. We do use the word bipolar. Not sure we really say mental, because it is physical. Some states are now recognizing it as a physical condition. We don't hid what I have and I guess the mental part will fill itself in when the time is right. I try to avoid saying mommy is sick, because that makes them worry. When I was a kid, my father got "sick" and died. I don't want them to worry over something like that. I sometime say, I just don't feel well, but mostly we say: mommy's brain is just different from everyone else's and that I have to take my medicine to make it work the way it should. When I get depressed, I tell them that mommy is sad. When I get manic, we tell them that mommy needs a new medicine. The say mommys brain hiccups. This whole thing seems like a lot for a kid to deal with, but trust me, its better for them to know what's going on, than to think that you're leaving, or yelling or whatever else you might do, because of something that they did. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
"Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius." -Edward Gibbon 1734 - 1794
Thank you both for your words of encouragement. I did tell my son about my condition, called it by name (bipolar disorder) and asked if he had heard of it. He said no, so I explained to him that it effects chemicals in the brain that effect mood and this is sometimes why I seem sad at times and unusually happy at times. I also told him if he took Psych. in high school he will learn a little about it.
He sees me take my meds and asked how long I would have to take them. I told him for the rest of my life but these medicines keep my moods level and make it a lot easier to get along with people. He seemed much more comfortable (less afraid) hearing this from me instead of keeping it a taboo subject and I must say I am quite relieved as well that we now have a dialogue about it.
More detail will be given to him in time, and I'm sure he will have questions later, but I thing this was a good start.
Breaking the news
Posted - 11/13/2006 : 12:21:04
