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Mood Disorder Community
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bluewater_sweet
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1321 Posts
Gratitude: 256
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 Posted - 12/14/2013 : 20:29:56
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I am afraid to burden people with the thought of me having disturbing suicidal thoughts every day and worse days I have them every hour on the hour. I am conflicted about wanting to live or die, and I am chicken to live on and even a bigger chicken to end it all.
so far my meds could only sedating me making me sleep most of my days, so there's no room for suicidal thoughts or racing thoughts that would drive me crazy.
I don't know why I have these thoughts to harm myself. I wish I don't have to live like this. I find it over the years that it's easier to live than taken one's life. or they are both hard. errrr.
am I alone on this? |
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| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
7607 Posts
Gratitude: 912
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Posted - 12/24/2013 : 16:43:58
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Hi Judy,
I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. It must be hard having those thoughts. My suggestion would be to keep busy as much as possible. Keeping your mind on other things. Do you go to therapy?
I never had these thoughts but I know others here have. Maybe they can chime in. |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 12/26/2013 : 14:55:52
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hello blue water what you decribe and convey are normal reactions to and symptoms of deppression,anxiety. and severe life stress. i think, iam sorry that you are down but i believe it will pass. now that i know youve been suffering so i will be looking for your postings you are very special lady and good freind you have good soul
light excersise can help, walking can help, b12 i think helps , and i hope you have people you can confide in
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 12/27/2013 : 08:55:32
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I am very sorry Judy to learn of the difficult time you have been experiencing...
I put that in past tense for I hope and pray you are over the worst.
Especially now that your Birthday is so close. D.x
PS., I would have responded earlier but just saw this thread now.. for I rarely check in to BiPolar.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
-Leo Buscaglia, author (1924-1998) |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 12/27/2013 : 19:38:16
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 12/29/2013 : 11:59:39
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 12/31/2013 : 19:55:36
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 01/04/2014 : 17:28:34
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i hope your doing well judy.
and you do matter to me and our community.
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| bluewater_sweet
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1321 Posts
Gratitude: 256
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Posted - 01/23/2014 : 16:37:59
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Sorry, David, Stigs and Chelle! I led you down.
I acted on one of my dark thoughts on Jan 4 at midnight....
I am angry that I am still here and not six feet under still... for 21 years, I finally found the lethal dosage. Trust me next I do it, I'll not hold back and leaving stupid notes on facebook. I'll try not to do this again in a few more decade...
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 01/25/2014 : 21:02:03
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hi
what have you been experincing in life and as symptoms.
are there any good aspects to focus on doing so helps
how is your wonderful family?
i think of you often and your kindness and the help and comfort you have shown been towars me. that you have made me smile.
and i want to saave never let me or anyone here down . do not be soo hard on yourself you are an awesome freind ,passionate about anything and one you do or care for |
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| bluewater_sweet
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1321 Posts
Gratitude: 256
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Posted - 01/25/2014 : 21:09:41
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Hi Stigs,
My triggers are not being loved by my blood related family, and not loved by people that I loved. Truth is that I don't have a support system by my blood-related family. My true family are built from people who loves me and they are my friends.
Even though I have some support system now, but I still question why they love me when we are not blood-related... dilima? I think so.
I hope this answer your question! |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 01/25/2014 : 21:33:31
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why do you think that they dont love you , i know its very common for people to feel this way especially when they struggle with illness.
i have do. but the meds and being open and thinking things thru , seeing reality as it itis and we cant change others but we can change situations ,relation ship dynamics by how we act, react and consider them
yes it does.. |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 01/25/2014 : 21:36:58
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some cultures ,societies are very very demanding of success and family honor and such . do not dismay you will find you way .
hi,
please pardon the typos I'm using the speech recognition dictation program. Thank you. PS you all rock |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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I am afraid to share with anyone about this
