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comeincloser
Starting Member
1 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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 Posted - 02/20/2013 : 11:02:51
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I am at a loss as to how to start this novel. Forgive it's length. I am indeed searching for answer, that only I have, thoug how to find them is the trick. I have been married for 8 years. In an incredibly turbulent relationship. From what I have read of bpd, I believe my fella and I both show sypmtoms. I wholeheartedly want health and happiness and I feel he is on the same page For how long? Another question. Always with the questions!! He makes me laugh, is in many ways my closest friend, an amazing lover and incredibly witty and intelligent. I fear abandonment and I am incredibly needy and overbearing. He can twist truths for me based on how I feel, he knows the game...we have played it for so long he has mastered the ability to manipulate my heart. Again, I allow it. I am to be responsible for my own emotions not someone else. Yet, knowing and doing are two entirely different things. I want a healthy relationship with him, yet our history is anything but. Is it possible? Only if both partieis are willing, correct? Let's say he is...I know I am. I fear, he will jump ship! Is that my mind or is it truth? I don't even know which realm I live in anymore. Fantasy or reality. I have two young children. I married young w/ emotional and pyschological issues and brought them into my marriage as I wasn't mature enough to even see what I was doing to myself or him. Years later, I want to atone for my indescretions and really give this a shot! How many times have my friends and family heard such words fall from my lips. Without going into personal detail, it feels rigt, this time. Why do I let what others think bother me so. Essentially my famil as they help fuel alot of my inner turmoil. Again, blame cannot be placed there, or I will never heal. Holy hell. Someone give a girl a shout out. I know I am off my rocker, but my heart is in pieces and I long for health happiness and a strong family life.
The more you learn, the less you know. The more you think you know...the less you learn.  |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 02/20/2013 : 11:40:35
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welcome come in closer
post in socializing with all communitity members more people there
you will get additional responses there the bipolar general discussion community here on the sites a great place to start
your not alone and remember your symptoms are not you they are symptoms your personality is comprised of countless behaviours not just a couple okay do dont sweat it, theres help
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Confuzzled
