Was I a bit of a wimp to think of suicide so much when I was depressed in the grey neurotic depression of 1984-2006? (off and on)
It was more understanable in the black psychotic depression of 1993 which was mental self torture.
When I think of how my heroes suffered, Orwell with tuberculosis from sleeping rough and being wounded in the Spanish Civil war, Magellan as he crossed the world's oceans especially the pacific, the Franks in the holocaust (and Victor Frankl and Bruno Bettelheim and Oscar schindler) Solzhenistsyn in the Gulag......and I nearly didn't survive High School.
I was only a child then, now I'm a man. People did seem to be tougher in olden times though.
Never again will a story be told as though it is the only one:- Anon
A couple of years ago I learned that one of my old classmates had died of pancreatic cancer. The first thing I thought was, "Lucky bastard! Why couldn't that have been ME?" I have fantasies about going in for my annual physical exam and the doctor says, "I have bad news. You only have three months to live." And in my fantasy I jump up and start dancing around the room because it is the BEST NEWS I've ever had in my entire life!
The only way I have found to control depression is my literally not thinking about it. I immerse myself in books or in fantasy stories that I write. The downside that this is only an Avoidance tactic. I will never be able to address my problems if I can't think about them. Every time I think about them, I realize I CAN'T do anything on my own, and there's no one to help me. I get depressed. (shrug!) What are you going to do?
Was I a little bit of a wimp to think of suicide?
Posted - 11/18/2012 : 13:02:54
