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sarateix
Starting Member
7 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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 Posted - 05/11/2012 : 14:03:52
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I hope you understand that I am very serious about this question. I have told some people about this and they called me a liar since I have never acted like it.
When I was 10 or 11 years old, I became seriously depressed for the first time in my life. I was constantly crying, sleeping 14+ hours a day, wanted to cut myself, isolated myself from everyone, felt pathetic and useless, felt like I didn't deserve anything, hated myself, had suicidal thoughts and even fantasized about commiting suicide (I hope I didn't forget to mention anything). Some days, I even skipped school 'cause I did not even have the motivation to get out of bed, and my parents assumed I was sick, even though there was nothing physically wrong with me. However, I didn't know what actually was depression then and I just thought that if I kept it all to myself all of it would eventually just go away. And it did, after almost a year. (I was also overweight, which caused people to mock me and it hurt, so I thought maybe that was why I was like that.)
The, I got thriled and excited. People told me I was bubbly and happy. I kept talking, I started socializing more, slept less than usual, was never tired, ...
Anyway, after a few months I became depressed again and one of my friends found me crying in the bathroom. She supported me, even without knowing why I was like that. Honestly I didn't know either.
This has repeated itself about 5 or 6 times so far (each one consisting of a depression phase and a "bubbly" phase).
In the meanwhile, in some of the phases of depression, I started starving myself and became a little bulimic, then anorexic once. But I still got really happy then depressed even underweight, and even after a while when I was in a healthy weight. So I did not know why I got like that.
Each mood swing lasts somewhere between a few days to over a year.
When I told a few close friends they said it was normal to have mood swings 'cause I was a teenager.
1-Is it normal for them to be so drastic? 2-Is it normal for them to last so long? Just saying.
And I did some research on extreme mood swings and found out about bipolar disorder. I thought I had bipolar disorder 2.
But about 7 weeks ago, I became not just very happy, but euphoric. I slept for 2 or 3 hours a night, could not stay still, had my thoughts racing a lot, kept laughing and smiling so much that my cheeks hurt, felt like I was on top of the world and could do anything, felt like I was special (as in more important than others), ... I also started having auditory hallucinations. This lasted for 3 weeks. I also hid it from people, but told a few close friends. Some believed me. (Haleluia!)
3-Is it normal for teenagers to have auditory hallucinations? ... I doubd it.
So now I believe I have bipolar disorder 1.
And because I've been really shy for some years (except when I'm REALLY happy or euphoric, which I've always tried to hide from people 'cause I didn't want to be labeled as a freak), my parents said I should go to a psychologist and now I do.
I told her about these things and she says it's very unusual. She says it's either me trying to call attention to myself(so not true. I usually try to go unnoticed 'cause I'm so shy), me hearing ghosts or spirits (telling me I'm pathetic and don't deserve to live?! Doubd it.) or a mental illness.
And I am now, once again, seriously depressed.
I was finally able to talk about it with my mum last week and she finds it all... really odd, to say the least. At least she believes me. My dad wouldn't if I told him 'cause, when I was 12 and really depressed and suicidal and couldn't take it anymore, I screamed that my parents had no idea of how much I wanted to die then ran to my bedroom crying, my dad dismissed it all as a cry for attention and my mum believed him.
Any thoughts?  |
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| sylar91
Starting Member
1 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 06/11/2012 : 08:47:11
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| eveyone is different and has different needs , i'v e been to many doctors, pyschiatrists, psychologists, and was in a mental hospital for some reason, and no-one still knows whats different about me, so i start thinking up solutions inside my own mind, like there is a possibility there's nothing wrong with me or you and try to find answers, such as releasing your emotions in a controlled environment without judgement, using headphones to block out any noise, staying awake for a long period of time, seclusion and listening to music. wish i could meet people who could give me what i want and that favour would be returned |
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Am I bipolar?
