|
|
Mood Disorder Community
|
| Author |
 Topic  |
|
Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5266 Posts
Gratitude: 115
|
 Posted - 03/05/2012 : 18:30:56
|
So I decided to start this I'm just so afraid that no one will visit me. I think this stems from my childhood. I would have grandiose visions of what my birthday parties should be and then only 1 or 2 of my friends would show up. This was beyond devastating. I guess I believed that I didn't deserve to have such grandiose ideas.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
|
| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
     |
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 18:37:35
|
Welcome to the world of 'blogging' Dee
I promise... you'll will not be alone here, David
A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
Albert Einstein |
|
| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
|
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 18:41:41
|
Jodarther said she will visit you
and I know for a fact Lynn will
so will I (from time to time) and that's just for starters Dee! lol
A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
Albert Einstein |
|
| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5266 Posts
Gratitude: 115
|
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 19:11:30
|
Thanks David! I appreciate the visitors.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
|
| khaz
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
8301 Posts
Gratitude: 872
|
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 20:07:29
|
Hi Diesel
I have been where you are....
Family!
I was like a guard dogs with my kids so no one could hurt them.
Sue |
|
| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
|
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 20:15:05
|
Hi DEE !
Congrats on your first Blog !  |
|
| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
|
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 20:52:08
|
I replied to your post in my Blog,
You are NOT ALONE DIESEL, I know you feel sad right now,
Hubby will have to meet you half way.
You can say ANYTHING you WANT here,
Open the flood gates woman.
Let the poison out.
yeah !!!!
Talk about the good stuff too.
Love you Diesel Dee. |
|
| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5266 Posts
Gratitude: 115
|
Posted - 03/05/2012 : 21:59:31
|
I'm going to group therapy tomorrow at the hospital. It's a really interesting bunch of people. I have a tendency to be the Chatty Cathy of the group. But that's what I'm there for is to be able to express my feelings and my thoughts. There are some shy ones in the group too. I far from that though. It got pretty tense there for a while. I was talking to one of the coordinators of the groups about my OCD and my quirky little habit and this little woman in the corner started just wailing uncontrollably in the corner saying she was exactly like me with her perfectionistic traits. I think I said the wrong thing though. I said I was quite happy with my OCD in the fact that it allowed me to get a million things throughout my day done. She just got out of ICU. She was removed from the group.
A funny thing that my instructor said to me is do I do all the things that I do just I can bask in the glory of the compliments that I recieve from doing so much. I honestly don't think that I do that. I think I do that because I need order in my life. I need to know what steps I have to do in order to achieve my daily goals. His question though got me thinking.
I met a friend there a female who was a sexual abuse survivor like myself and we got along so well. This guy named Darrell came up to me at the end of the session and said thankyou for sharing your experiences. That was so kind of him.
Another lady said that I was being too hard on myself with the rigorous schedule that I have for myself. That is my childhood upbringing though and I can't erase have some uniformity in my rigid schedule that I set out for myself daily. It's the nature of the beast.
I told my counsellor too that my p'doc put me on Seroquel for my OCD and I threw it in the garbage as it was making me feel sickly and very sluggish. She wasn't too happy with that. Have to see if we can come up with something else.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
|
| chelle25
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
7607 Posts
Gratitude: 912
|
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 05:55:54
|
Hi Diesel, I found you :) Just wanted to stop in and check in on you. Group therapy sounds nice. A lady at the hospital yesterday told me she goes to group therapy, say's it has helped her alot.
I can understand with the seroquel. It's an antiphychotic they use ap's for many different things like anxiety, depression, ocd, BP, SZ. These are very powerful drugs indeed! I take one called Geodon and I always feel run down and the need for 12 hours sleep. I honest to god do not know how I make it to work everyday but I do.
I don't blame you for not wanting to take it. There are other things they can try out for you.
Nice blog Glad I stopped in!! |
|
| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
|
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 10:33:46
|
Hi Dee,
That Lady in the group who over reacted. 
I was like her once,
The woman next to me was talking about being ill and having no support.
She cried, I cried, I cried more than her, It was strange
I cried so much I took a box of Man Sized Kleenex in, for a joke.
I was there for anxiety and grief. My father had passed.
Just looking at the man's hand sitting next to me set me off wailing.
Groups are good, for healing.
Believe me, every group needs a Chatty Cathy !
Many a time an hour would pass with no one talking.
What a waste I thought.
|
|
| jodartha
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4755 Posts
Gratitude: 1075
|
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 15:29:21
|
Hi Diesel...just stopping by like I promised. Seems you have gotten lots of visitors~already.
Good to hear you have started a group therapy sort of setting. I would think that being able to be yourself around others would be helpful. I have no experience on that matter but I know I would be one that didn't talk at all and just observed. If I had to pick the role I would feel comfortable with...it would be presenting information to everyone void of how I feel.
I am glad you can let your feelings out. Even the unpleasant feelings.
Just to let you know, I still love your MT name as it frees me up to send you great pics<3
Sending you lots of hugs.
Love
Jody |
|
| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5266 Posts
Gratitude: 115
|
Posted - 03/06/2012 : 17:46:21
|
Thanks Jody I really really appreciate you dropping by!
Well I went to group therapy again today. I have changed my schedule at work so that Mondays and Tuesdays are my weekend. I'm still doing the other job from 6 am until 9am. Hubby comes and whisks me off to group therapy. Anyhow I learned some more about how to handle the ugly episodes of my past life. It's called compartmentalization. In my case what I will do is write down all the horrible experiences and how they made me feel in a diary. The diary must have a lock and key as that will symbolize closure to this. I will then put it in a box under my bed. I will never forget those horrifying experiences but they are locked away where they should be. When they loom up in my brain I then am suppose to meditate. Deep breathing exercises and concentrating on what my body feels like when I relax. I did it today and it did work to some degree. I fell asleep in my comfy arm chair. I was that relaxed well, also no sleep the night before didn't help either.
I learned that I ruminate too much which means I constantly and consistently dwell on the past. This can lead to a myriad of problems such as eating disorders, binge drinking which is totally me, self injurious behaviors. I found out that rumination contributes to depression.
When people share their feelings with others in the context of supportive relationships, they are like to experience growth. When people repetitively ruminate and dwell on the same problem without making any progress, they are likely to experience depression.
We also discussed Stigma and Mental Illness. We discussed at length how individuals struggling to overcome a mental illness can find themselves facing a constant series of rejections and exclusions. We often hear ourselves referred to as lunatics or crazy. People make fun of us. It just reinforces the small mindness of people when it comes to people who have mental illnesses. It reinforces a very inaccurate picture of who we really are. The media doesn't portray a true picture of who we really are and reinforces the negative stereotypes. I learned that 1 in 5 people have some sort of mental disfunction. In my group of 25 there were 15 of us who experienced horrible panic attacks. I felt so at ease talking to someone who could relate to what I was going through.
I'm so very glad I'm going to group therapy. It's opening my eyes a lot and making me realize there is hope after all.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
|
| Davekyn
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2412 Posts
Gratitude: 166
|
Posted - 03/07/2012 : 03:57:25
|
____________________________________________________________________
Perhaps that question was meant to get you thinking Diesel. I would not read too much into it ... or try not to. It’s an Interesting question none the less. If what we do makes us happy and does not cause too much trouble for ourselves or others, then I why should we question it at all. I would tend to question why we do the things we do, that don’t make us happy.
Yep, it can be easy in here to Thank People, but doing it face to face is another thing. I am glad you received gratitude in such a way. Obviously your honesty and courage is appreciated in the group.
Just keep moving forward Diesel, don’t let the docs disappointment get you down, as I am sure ... if you keep moving forward in the manner you are ... an alternative will be eagerly sort for you...one that you are happy to try.
Compartmentalization hey ... Sounds like a good thing to me. I have done a few meditations based on such a concept. Meditation is something that takes practice.
My best advice is to concentrate on the breathing ... as is well known ... but to do this, you have to LET GO of everything else as your mind starts to fill with thoughts again ... Keep Breathing deeply, but visualize the air molecules as they enter in your nose and fill your lungs. With your eyes closed see your chest rise and feel the exchange of oxygen this extra large volume of air is delivering, feel the relief such a chemical process brings to your brain as your lungs expand to their full capacity ... then as you exhale ... savour the exhilaration as you feel the calming effect, being pumped back down through your body, leaving your muscles feeling completely relaxed and ready for your next breath.
The trick is to visualize the whole chemical process and concentrate on the natural changes that take place by focusing on the subtle changes that take place in your body, such as “heart beat”, tense body parts”, “ body temperature” “sweat”, “dryness”, “static hair”, “itchiness” and “body position” just to name a few.
Thinking of all these things and concentrating on your breath with regard to proper breathing techniques, will alone help to slow the distractive chatter in your brain. It was not until I learned about the “anatomy of breathing” (so to speak) or how to breath correctly, that I made any real progress with my meditation. Simply breathing is not enough ... whilst this should come naturally, many of us don’t really know how to breathe, because we have been anxious for so long and have never really stopped to think about breathing. Much can be gained from learning about such basic processes. Just as understanding the chemical reactions that take place as we experience this or that emotion can help appreciate, just what negative impact sustained anger can have on our health or the healing benefits of laughter induces.
Once we understand these things, we then need to practice them in order to repair the damage that stress has taken on us over whatever period of time. Regardless of emotional or physical ... it’s all the same and relates very much to each other. Once we understand the fundamentals of both emotion and is effect on our physical state ... and Vise Versa ... we can then grasp a deeper understanding on how to control one with the other.
Sorry....I am ranting on this subject Diesel.....I know you have said many times now that you have struggled with meditation is all...I did at first as well...despite being a very open and receptive individual.......
It’s all a process and I encourage you to learn a little more about the process of emotional states and its effect on a biological level ... this really paved the way to meditation for me. You don’t even have to be in tip top shape to get the benefit ... after a number of years learning such basics and practising various relaxation techniques...I can even now in my overweight and rather unfit state, reach a comparative sense of elation that exercising brings ... that is not to say that I don’t need to exercise...I DO NEED TO...but I am just saying that meditation is a very powerful tool for getting by and is why so many health professionals recommend it.
I have made so MAJOR progress with regard to my past anger issues and current ones as well ... when asked today if I still had any, I could say “none that require intervention or present a risk to others or myself” I still get angry, but no longer need to resort to substance abuse or require outside intervention.
Suppression is good and it can be bad, but that’s another story...I am just really trying to encourage that meditation, when practice properly can be a very powerful tool in anyone’s self help kit.
Once you can learn to relax, then you can learn to open up and see clearer... Compartmentalization, will become much easier as you learn to practice and master these things...do it both through writing and meditating...do them both at the same time...one is like the other...
I am very much a go getter...although I am extreme at both ends of the scale, like you...I embrace what I can and use it for all I can get ... meditation is definitely my source of stability. When I am depressed I meditate on positive things ... when I am excited, I meditate on calming things...................
Anyways............bla bla bla ........
Being one and all that ... its all good stuff ... learn what you can about it and be as open as you can........learn and focus on the act of breathing...learn about the natural effect of effetlesnes.......that’s an awesome concept that kncks me right out...........some people think that falling to sleep is bad for meditating......but for someone like me....its BLISS....and if your open enough and doing guided meditations, your sub councious will still take in what it needs..and don’t worry about those that say you will end up brain washed.....such resistance will only hold you back ... just let it happen ... let your thoughts come and go ... focus only on just how good effortlessness feels ... forget the rest. Then when it really counts, you will then be able to pick your moments, relax, open up and face some of those moments and make each visit to the past really count...You need to be looking from the outside in. This is how I have been approaching my inner child meditations ... I have done some compartmentalization ... but did struggle to some degree ... it does work...but sometimes I have to go back...because as I get better at opening up...I find I am able to go back and do a better job at healing..because I can remember more of how I felt and what happened.......it is a life long process....not that you need to make it a life long project...you just know when to go back is all as you grow with becoming a stronger person.................for me......having delt with some of the rejection and abuse through the compartment process .... I more up to dealing with myself as a child and wanting to be more like that again ... not because I want to escape reality, but because I want to start living in it again...the compassion focus during such meditation is ok I guess ... bit painful because it makes me want to cry at times, but I enjoy the peace it brings me as I remember the sense of calmness that dwelled in me, despite knowing then the imperfect life into which I was born ... The sense of passion and will to go on, to forgive, not to judge and all that jazz ... such confidence in the face of adversity is like sourcing the nectar of life itself ... I kind of like sensing a spiritual aspect of my child like existence ... I find a lot of wisdom in the resilience of my child hood state and just like understanding the processes of emotion and physiology, I enjoy learning more about a deeper dimension than conventional psychology or wisdom would suggest...I really don’t know what it is...I don’t subscribe to the fundamentalist’s ways of Christianity or religion in that sense...but I am open to something perhaps a little more real on a spiritual sense that gives me the peace and strength to keep going on another level....
So on that Note......I am NOT sorry :P ........
I am Very Happy that you have decided to KEEP a Blog...it will Serve you well
LET IT RIP!!!!
Moving On... |
|
| khaz
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
8301 Posts
Gratitude: 872
|
Posted - 03/07/2012 : 12:53:56
|
Sounds good Diesel...so glad you are getting some wonderful help...
Take care mate
Sue |
|
| Diesel
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5266 Posts
Gratitude: 115
|
Posted - 03/07/2012 : 22:54:51
|
Thanks Khaz! It's amazing what kind words and compassion will do for an individual and to have people that understand what your going through! It's a virtual smorgasbord of all walks of life. The youngest in our group is 18 and the oldest being 67. I'm so grateful for the help that I'm recieving.
I just want to be happy and healthy. Nothing more, nothing less! |
|
| Davekyn
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2412 Posts
Gratitude: 166
|
Posted - 03/07/2012 : 23:30:42
|
Just letting you know i agree 100% with what you said in my blog.
Moving On... |
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
| MyTherapy Communities |
© MyTherapy |
|
|
| Total | Today | Yesterday | Topics: 27737
Posts: 272258 | New Topics: 0
New Posts: 0 | New Topics: 0
New Posts: 0 |
|  |
| | |
My blog for whatever it's worth!
