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In2deep
Starting Member
2 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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 Posted - 12/18/2011 : 16:43:57
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Hi everyone...since I have no one to vent to I guess I'm gunna lay it all out here. I am 24 years old and have bipolar disorder, severe depression & severe anxiety. I take meds but no matter what, episodes always come through. I'm getting really pissed off that no doctor has found the right medications for me, I wish I could record myself during episodes so the doctors could see what's really going on. I guess since I seem calm when I go in to talk to them it does not help them get it right. I have so many problems I couldnt even list them all here. I have 3 beautiful kids who live with their father 3 hours away from me. I am with my boyfriend of 9 months, who I met while being hospitalized for med. overdose...He is trying to find a job near my kids so that we can move near them, b/c I know alot of my problems stem from being away from them and I feel so guilty and ashamed I am not there for them. Everything in this world takes money though, I am so fed up with all that bs. I had a job for about 2 months, then my anxiety & depression kicked in...called in several days from work, had to leave early several times due to anxiety and ultimately had to leave my job because of all this. How can people say that you can control your emotions, bc I don't see any possible way of controlling mine. All I want is to be normal, I don't know why I am chosen to be one of the people that has to go through this for the rest of my life. I am totally side tracked now..talking about all this. Back to the topic of being angry. I know a few reasons why I am so angry, 1. emotionally abusive relationship of 6 years (kids father) Cheating, lying, all the head games you can think of. 2. My mom dying when I was 16...I can't really think of anymore. This anger is putting a BIG strain on my current relationship. My boyfriend isn't perfect, but he is close. He is always complimenting me, and supportive of me but yet I am so mean to him & I don't understand why??? I get mad over simple stuff that does not even matter. A few days ago I got so mad that I broke a picture frame with a pic of me & him in it outside, it was glass and it shattered all over the place. Then I took our 200$ camera and smashed it on the concrete outside...its totalled. I wanted to hurt him so bad, I threw in a few punches and he was just trying to hold me down. I told him to go sleep on the couch but then when he did I went out there and made him wake up and told him if I could not sleep neither could he. I lost so much energy that day on yelling, screaming, hitting, punching...I felt like I had no control over what was happening. I always have to feel in control or superior, I wish I didn't. Does anyone else feel this way? Somebody give me some hope please!  |
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| FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3703 Posts
Gratitude: 396
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Posted - 01/05/2012 : 07:53:08
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Hi In2deep, and WELCOME to My Therapy. Dangxxstef, I just replied to your thread and welcomed you there. But, WELCOME to you, too.
Regarding your anger, I am sorry you both are having to deal with this. It kinda sounds like part of a panic attack. Perhaps panic over losing control, and perhaps the anger is a coping mechanism? Just guessing here, as I am not a doctor. I would suggest you both see a psychologist to help you figure out the root fear you may be experiencing and covering up with the anger. If you go, try to be open when he/she asks what are you angry about?
Another thought, is that there may be a physiological reason for the anger, and it might help to be checked out by a neurologist, or even a gp. Perhaps it is a food allergy setting you off? Seriously, check with a doctor. Any help would be better than nothing, I would think, so other options might be aromatherapy, hypnosis, or massage, an anger support group, prayer, prayer circle.
Even journalling about your experiences may help. Write down the when, where, with who, when you are experiencing the anger. Maybe certain foods, or situations spark the anger. What were you feeling before you became really angry. If you take this information with you when you go to the doctor, it might help. Never know, it might help.
Good luck, ladies. Hope to see you here. Let us know how you are doing.
"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin." -– Ivan Turgenev
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angry all the time!
