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Mood Disorder Community
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okirunner
Starting Member
12 Posts Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 00:08:30
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I am new here bc I feel like I "literally" have nothing to live on/for?...I have been unemployed since Last Nov,...staying w/my sister in Okinawa, Japan (her husband is military),.,have No money, No car,, nothing...and to top it off, my sister treats me like dog **** & orders me around like a damn maid..all I do is bust my ass here,...she appreciates the help, but holds it over me bc she knows I am ****ed in my situation (pardon the inflections). I am at the lowest I've ever been,..have tried in the past to take my life w/pills & got caught...my parents are deceased & I literally have no place to go so I suffer the verbal **** from her along w/my depression...and I cry every ****ing day & night,..all I see from where I am standing are Tears,..and so tempted to just swallow my life away...quietly....
I want to stop crying.... |
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okirunner
Starting Member
12 Posts Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 03:08:00
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wow...No effen replies???? I guess my situation is nothing to **** about???? ....what kind of forum is this???....serio????
I want to stop crying.... |
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FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3703 Posts Gratitude: 396
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 06:56:13
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Hello Okirunner,
Welcome to My Therapy.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. On top of your other stressors, Depression sucks. Is your sister older or younger than you? Does she know/understand how you are feeling? Can you share with her how you feel, and how she is making you feel?
Boy, I am totally a fish out of water here to have any idea what resources might be available in Japan as far as mental health. You would benefit from seeing a p-doc, medication, and maybe a talk doc, or some kind of a support group.
Could you and your sister possibly figure up what your helping out is worth to her, and maybe give an allowance of sorts? Maybe even on the basis of a loan.
I am sorry no one has responded to you yet, but the Depression section doesn't get alot of traffic. Not because no one is depressed, on the contrary, but no one wants to be depressed, so they mostly go to the more popular areas. I posted this topic on the board for the others to see. Most everyone can be found on 'Topics Common to all Support Communities', where everyone pretty much hangs, or in the Bipolar section.
I hope you will give us another try. We will try to help if we can.
FLMgirl
"If we wait for the moment when everything is ready, we shall never begin." -– Ivan Turgenev
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brenda75
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3854 Posts Gratitude: 724
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 07:09:21
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Welcome to MT Okirunner. I attempted suicide 2 times last month. It's not the way to go. Can you try setting mini goals for yourself for everyday? Routine and structure are very important too. Have you applied for disability?
Hugs to you.
Brenda
Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves-to get well and move on. |
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 07:47:19
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hi okie runner i have come close during my life to going to that eternal slumber.
sorry i seldom check the suicidal section, or any sections except the social section. and bipolar blogs these days .
not may people post here but we are getting more and more members, we are a family here , you can be you here.
work this site and read posts , start a blog, use the diary function and other goodies here.
like brenda says structure is very important ,setting short term goals ,long term ones and making plans to achieve them it doesent have to mean that you expect to accomplish them all its the act of thinking things through that counts.
getting proper sleep and excercise is important,
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 09:47:05
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make a list of wants and needs . also write in a journal writing is great anything that frees your imagination , the world may say we cant be what we want ,achieve what we want in our life but in our imaginations we are free no matter how many bars are on the windows.
may i ask what type of work you did . did you enjoy your job ,take much self esteem from your work. i forget , so i must ask are you of asian descent or culture. ? knowing this will help us relate to and try to help you.
how much time do you spend on the computer/video games/ infront of the television? what type of lighting [bulbs] do you have in your room?
do bright lights cause you pain? do you get headaches or deppressed at a certain time of day or year?
the electronic media and even the electromagnetic energy or [rf] around us in the enviroment can mess with our moods and though proceses.
have you plastic shower curtains , funnt smellig plastics around you.
how much caffine ,artificial food preservatives,alchol or other libations do you consume if any?
has the recent earthquake and sunami caused you to lose your job? has your freinds ,family been effected ?
have you lost your freinds recently due to illness or loss of socioeconomic status?
can you find a real life support group and make freinds?
what skill's ,knolledge, do you have that you can barter for things you need?
if you are capable might you be able to volunteer a few hours helping the church or community aid with disaster relief. it would help you network and put something good on your resume and get you in a new mode of thinking, excersise causes a release of chemical compounds in our brains that are the same or very much the same as prescription psychitric and narcotic pain relievers.
thats all for now , please join us in socializing with all comunity members. you dont have to answer any of my questions ?
what goverment and community,private reasources are there in your area. there are global,international,federal,state,local,private resources out there even in tough times. it takes some work to find these, public,private, corportate etc , theres charity search engines,
theres the possibily of free meds, evaluation , and coupouns ,freebies given out by buisnesses,
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 09:51:14
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okie . focus on the things you can change little things , and you can change how you act , react, . how old are you dont give exact age , be mindful that we are on the internet. i tell you things and ask them not to insult your intelligence but just to help you think things through .
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 09:53:37
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LET IT OUT THERES ALWAYS SOMEONE MANY PEOPLE LISTENING AND ANYTHING YOU SHARE WILL HELP OTHERS IN LIFE ONE NOT ONLY NEEDS THE ANSWERS ,SOMETIMES ONE NEEDS THE QUESTIONS .
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
ps. the more you post the more people will get to know you. you only gave them a para graph to work with. by volunteering you will take some of the power away from anyone that has you under their thumb. it may also be that your sister is trying to keep you structured , its happened to me before, and i know under great prolonged stress that any of us can start seeing horns on others lol
spend some time answering posts here it will help you step out of your current situtation and give you tools to help you deal and you will make good freinds here, who do understand. not just with words and niceties but really understand from the trenches and soul.
have you thought of trying to attend some job skill's work shops or study at free universties . try free_ed.net and the khan university.
you tube has videos on everything... as you may know i have a ham [amatuer radio hobby] and have citizens band radio's ] ham radio will let you help others, learn new skill's maybe keep the ones you have up to date, and all sorts of people knolledgable people are hams and with the right licencse you can make phone calls. its great to have someone to talk to all the time.
this economic trouble the world is having and the natural disasters create opportunities both in buisness and to make freinds and do things for others and society that will make you happy, and lead to employment. when i lost work or lacked the skill's atributes to get an education /job and the money as well. i worked for three meals a day and a spot in the janitors room or in the hay loft or converted horse stall in the barn. losing ones job and being deppressed was not your doing, but stopping work was. not that you dont contribute but what i mean is you still have status and everything you did before except for money and that you can eventually change probably sooner than you think.
people with horrible deppression and other mental illnesses have run countries still do, they are of every line of work social status.
look beyond you curent issues and tell me whaty would you have been doing before you lost your job and if you still had it. what would you do if you were rich, and more popular? |
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leruok
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2674 Posts Gratitude: 1709
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 13:12:45
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Hi okirunner, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and the pain that you are in. My heart goes out to you.
I too, have been suicidal and understand the feelings of hopelessness that lead up to such feelings.
But please understand, circumstances can change rather quickly...so long as you are willing to reach out and get some help from professionals that can treat your depression and set you on the road to recovery. Also, are there other resources available in Japan to help you with housing or other needs?
Your decision to click on the Mytherapy website allowed us to hear from you and in turn, reply with heartfelt understanding. In life, it is much the same. If you make one small decision to reach out for help in getting your depression treated, you will find people who understand can help you.
Please don't give up, and keep reaching out until you find the help you need. I know it's hard. But you need some support in your life from people who understand. We love our families, but they sometimes don't have enough understanding about depression and mental health to help, and can sometimes unintentionally make us feel worse.
Please keep posting and don't hesitate to pour out your heart and feelings here.
Many hugs and warmest wishes Linda |
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okirunner
Starting Member
12 Posts Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 18:26:05
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My sister is my twin a bit older by 4min...that's what makes it all crappy. She "finally" started to give me some sort of allowance,but hasn't even give it to me yet?? She "holds" it against me too, like she has ALL the power,..its a power trip for her..,and she knows it. She is vindictive, mean, evil & just says the most awful things to me,..esp from my PAST,..it is constantly thrown in my face when we argue,..and I never do that to her? Verbal abuse is her specialty...and the resources here? I don't know of any bc of the language barrier. Thanks for replying & letting me know about this particular subject matter,..I was about to delete my information here, till some people replied.
I want to stop crying.... |
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okirunner
Starting Member
12 Posts Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 18:40:24
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And to answer some questions,.,I have a Bachelor's in Kinesiology, ..was a flight attendant for 5 years. I am an avid runner/swimmer too. I sleep ok, but always wake up in the middle of the night. I use to have a journal, but stopped writing,..not much of a TV person,..a few shows at night maybe? Nor into videos. Bc of the time zone, I am a day ahead here versus the states. I am Japanese/Cuban,..my mother was born & raised in Tokyo. (again, both are deceased). I believe the trigger in all this depression & messy thoughts started w/me not working. I'm not one to just sit around, I like to keep busy? A busy mind is a mind that doesn't think the thoughts that I think...kinda like a distraction? And now that I don't have it,..these thoughts are coming back along w/the demons from my past. I tried to volunteer here, but they are covered already,..esp when the tsunami hit Sendai...Okinawa only got tsunami warnings.
As far as meds are concerned,..I was on them & got off bc of the side effects..I know of NO Co., that hands out freebies??? Esp here???...that's a new one for me? Never heard of such a thing??? As far as resources available here for housing?? Again..no clue??? I doubt such a thing exists since I am on a visa & have to leave every 90 days. That's all I can think of for now?...As ususal..like clock work,..cried myself to sleep last night..I am stomped I have any tears left???
I want to stop crying.... |
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leruok
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2674 Posts Gratitude: 1709
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Posted - 10/02/2011 : 20:53:17
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Hi okirunner. It's so good to hear back from you.
I can understand your situation and the torment you must feel from both your sisters abusive behavior, and your own thoughts, as you have stated . You don't know how familiar it sounds to me...I have been through a situation that was very similiar, my heart goes out to you.
I am a US citizen, and here, we have agencies that help people who have no means of supporting themselves. It can happen to anyone here, regardless of their educational level. The economy is so bad, it's happened to a lot of people, just like you.
Are you a US citizen? If so, you may be able to get help here, or even abroad. Yes, there are agencies in each state that do give support and medical care for free if you have no assets.
Okirunner, here is a medical health care facility in Okinawa that I found on the internet . www.kadena.af.mil/shared/media/document/AFD-100806-011.pdf . Maybe calling them can help put you on the right track? It's just one suggestion that may or may not help. But it's a small step in the right direction, it's reaching out, and that's what's important. As I said, it's so good to see you post back. Please hang in there and give your situation some time. Not all solutions are obvious at first site. But that doesn't mean there aren't solutions.
Don't give up, and post anytime.
With understanding and hope for you.
Linda
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okirunner
Starting Member
12 Posts Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 00:03:08
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Thanks Linda for your thoughts...will check out that link...I hope it's not for "just the military" bc I'm not??? Knowing the way Kadena is, probably is? But will check it out after this post..& let you know about it..thanks again for your input,..really appreciate it.
Yesterday I asked God for a sign, anything,>???? To let me know?...I want to just end this Misery,..and Sleep forever?
Lisa
I want to stop crying.... |
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 05:27:06
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hi okie runner, so glad you replied back.
i want you to know that as you may have read already, i have multiple disabilities, learning disabilities etc, both expressing myself and learning =answering ,understanding, responding appropriately to people is hard, so if i dont answer your questions right off , etc thats why ,out out works very well even if difficult..
i'am tired right now but i will keep in touch .
chamoli tea, lavender oil on the pillow case, and cool but comfortable room tempature help us sleep,.
distraction cant always banish the thoughts we would rather not have . so if you get them inspite of your trying hard not to , please understand this is not the sign of personal weakness.
theres a spot on the site or more than one where members discuss anger and conflict. this may be of some use to you.
you said that having a twin sister is the problem. i have heard a little about the issues or relationships of twins. i'd be interested in learning more if sharing such things will help feel free. it is the first time in five years of being a memnber here that i have ever heard anyone discuss twin issues. thank you for sharing. in doing so you help many others so if your feeling like a weight on others dont.
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 05:35:26
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my sister treats me like dog **** & orders me around like a damn maid..all I do is bust my ass here,...she appreciates the help, .
hi okie,
maybe you can set up a schedule of chores. this way you will feel free. and not as used by your sister. you also will benefit because you need your own time for job search and reasource hunting and just to stay sane.
is it possible that you might be able to go to clients homes and treat or help them
i'm sorry but i forget what kinestheogy is . but does it involve touch and would your skills knolledge be useful in pet wellness ,licensed pet massues etc get paid "alot "and generally have a good working enviroment.
set goals plan for success, failure, is"nt failure!, its part of the formula of success acceppt it roll with it over come it. everytime we fail ,we learn,see opportunity not failure
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okirunner
Starting Member
12 Posts Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 10/03/2011 : 05:57:43
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Thanks stigmastomper...being a twin use to be great when we were younger,..but now?? She has turned into a different person...we have a love-Hate relationship. It sucks that I have no immediate family besides her, so my choices are obviously Limited. I am meeting someone I know tomorrow at 5:30,..she is a Christian and I wanted her advise as a "friend" bc she is the only person I know of here? My other friend is back in the states, and I did email her a cliff note version of my situation.., but she has a family & a 6 year old so I don't wanna feel like I am overwhelming her? Bc she is going thru a lot crap of her own...mine is worse though,..at least she has family to lean on...my only choice is my sister,..which I am thankful for??..But at the same time, I feel like she uses it against me??Bc she knows I am vulnerable. I just really want out of this crap-hole.....
I want to stop crying.... |
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