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Mood Disorder Community
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victory
New Member
91 Posts
Gratitude: 63
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 Posted - 10/01/2011 : 10:36:43
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Hello my dear friends... I know that my question is more for some female magazines than for this site, but I have bigger trust to share my fears here.. I have met a man from UK, and he came to my country and we spent a wonderful week. I have never been as happy as in that time, he is caring and loving and wonderful. The only problem is that he is 22 years older from me, I am 33 and he 55... To add to the problem, I look much younger and he looks older than his age.. He has grey hair, and I have baby face, and I appear almost as a child..
I am an orphan, and my mother has schizophrenia, and father was absent (they were divorced..). I know that I have daddy issue, and that I see this man more than a father figure.. But I do love him, and I am very happy with him... The problem is that my relatives are very agressive and they would methaphoricaly speaking burn me alive with there words of hate and disapproval if they see us together... I had nightmares every now and then about them hurting me because I am dating this guy.. It is terrible...
On the other hand, even my therapist wasnt too happy about my choice and he thinks that I might have chosen a younger boy for partner.. I have never been married and have no children (and I would love to have them..). Am I crazy for dating man so much older? what shall I do? Is it clever to break up because I am scared what will other people say about my own choice? Hoooh, it is terrible.. But I am very happy with him...   |
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 10/05/2011 : 10:13:36
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Ah, my favourite topic, Older Men !
Hi Victory and WELCOME to MT.
Here goes,
At 33 you are old enough to make your own decisions.
I dated many a boy my age and found them immature.
I was a teen mind you but, honestly Victory,
When I met Art, 12 years my senior, I was SOOOO happy.
My family and friends thought he was too old too, but kept quiet.
We were happy he and I. for 16 months, Then things took a turn as his wife who turned him out, (I didn't know) she asked him to leave, for her reasons, and became very ill, ending up in a Nursing Home.
Art had to take custody of his two children. who were young.
I wanted out, I was heart broken,
It's a long sad story, but, back to you.
If you are happpy, be happy, Truth is, in time you may out grow him and find him old too.
I never lost my love for Art, He is no longer with us unfortunately.
We both stayed in touch over the years.
Your family won't really hurt you will they?
Another thing, be careful of his motives.
Be careful he is not using you for a green card or something.
The reason I chose older men, was I felt young, and they seemed a lot more worldly.
I don't think I have ever dated a man younger than me,
I am now 55,
take care of you, victory. everything will work out.
."Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." - Jack Layton
Courtesy of Yin Yang
Thank you Yin. |
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| victory
New Member
91 Posts
Gratitude: 63
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Posted - 10/05/2011 : 16:31:34
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Thank you dear Lynn for your reply  I am so sorry that your love story was so sad and complicated... One singer in my country has a song that says ,,all true loves are sad..`` I think it might be true, and it is good that Art gave you himself and his emotions as much as life let him did it...
My partner might not use me for green card, for he is British and I am not, so in fact I am the one who could do so lol  But, I am not sure about his motives, it is possible there is something that I dont know.. We dont know each other for long time, so I didnt have time to check all.. But so far, all he told me about himself turned out to be true, and I even saw facebook profile of his ex wife (hee, hee, I am a lil geek sometimes who knows how to find information  )
But what I am worried about is what will other people think about us together.. I know it is silly to think about false, shallow external impression, but it does worries me lot... I am a kind of proud person, and I become very sad and even depressed when anyone is laughing at me for any reason... And while we walked on streets, people did stare at us if we held hands, and it is not just my imagination, but it was real..People here are very judgmental and nosy..
I think that I should wait a bit, and see, just like my therapist advised me... The worst thing is that I have a feeling that I have disappointed my therapist somehow by choosing this man for partner.. I think that I should have one more talk with my th. about it, for I am afraid there are many more issues under my fears and worries..
Thank you Lynn once again, I wish you lot of love, in ever single day of a year |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 02/19/2012 : 16:10:23
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victory it is you who must live with the consequences of your actions ,it is then you who has the right to choose
note to self mind your own buisness .i know better
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| victory
New Member
91 Posts
Gratitude: 63
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Posted - 02/19/2012 : 17:38:18
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My dear Stigmastomper, I wish I could choose so easily, but I am a typical girl, so even choosing the best shoes in a shop for me is a drama :D
My partner is very good and kind. If only he was 10 years younger, I would be the happiest woman on this earth... But, he is not, and I know that I might **** up my own life.. I know the decision will be only mine, and that scares me...
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 02/23/2012 : 02:53:31
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Hi you are still here 
So many members join and leave,
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| MAMAjojo
Starting Member
16 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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Posted - 02/29/2012 : 18:36:54
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Hi Victory,
The truth is that only you know whether or not this is a good choice for you. Give the relationship time to develop and see what happens. I had some very close friends that had a 17 year age gap. They eventually divorced, but I think it had more to do with her being 18 when they married.
If you are happy, then be happy- yes you'll get some weird looks, but that happens anyways. I'm a white woman married to a black man (I knoww all about weird looks), but I'm happy with him. Do what you feel is right.
Wishing you all the peace, love, and joy the world has to offer because, the Lord knows, we all need it. |
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| bubblyjac
Full Member (100+ posts)
237 Posts
Gratitude: 23
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Posted - 02/20/2013 : 01:51:19
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i think that if you are happy you should go for it life is to short and you go for every opportunity that you get it not there life its yours and a lot of people will come round if they see how happy you are i am getting married in july it was suppose to be august the third at a big wedding at a hotel but my parents who where paying for the reception started
demanding what we would have at the wedding and threating to not pay for the wedding so we cancelled our wedding and are know getting married on the 26th july in oban with three of my friends and then having a party in glasgow and we are having our wedding blessed in perth
Live life like there's no tommorrow |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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Relationship with a man older than me
