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Ali
Full Member (100+ posts)

137 Posts

Posted - 04/05/2006 :  20:44:11  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic


Hello Everyone,

I haven't been here for a very long time. I was on here quite a bit for a while. I can't remember which hospitalization that I last told you about but the last one I had was in January. I used up all of my 10 hospital days (my insurance company allows 10 in a 2 yr. period) in that one run there. I went into the hospital voluntarily but I don't think I will ever do that again because I had done that once before and both that time and this last time they put a hold on me and kept me there for a long time. The parity law was approved this year in Oregon and it takes effect Jan. 1st 2007. I have been assured that it has already been signed by the governor and IS GOING TO TAKE EFFECT JAN 1st. This will really help me and many more people too that have a lot of depression because the ins. companies won't be able to deny my therapist's and psychiatrist's visits to 31 over a two yr. period. I am depressed every day and I want to die. I have MS and it just keeps progressing. I refuse to ever be in a wheelchair and I hope it doesn't ever come to that. Right now it is affecting my bladder and they are running tests on me tomorrow and next week. It is humiliating and I would just take my life right now if it wasn't for my family. I try to focus on them as much as I can.
Some days I have to call my psychiatrist or therapist just to make it through the day. This is really hard because I always thought of myself as a strong person and able to handle a lot of pain and pretty physically active, but not anymore. I am lucky if I get in a 2 mile walk a day. Yesterday was a good day because I managed to take 3 walks and I got in 3 1/2 miles. Today though I am paying the price with a lot of pain and stiffness. Well, I didn't mean to make this a pitty party, just letting you know what causes my depression. I hope to learn more about all of you soon.

Take care,
Ali
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ashleeblonde1
Full Member (100+ posts)

184 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  06:36:17  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Ali,

I am new to this site. Thank you for sharing your story. I also admitted myself last week but had to sign myself out AMA. i didnt know what that meant but now i cant find a doctor to treat me. I just couldnt deal with the suicidial crack addict in there. I statred thinking maybe drugs could make me feel high and that might be a good thing! i knew that wasnt a good thought so i had to get out. how long have you had MS? How old are you? I am 45 and have some kind of depressive disorder and may be bipolar.
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Amie (inactive)
Super Member (250+ posts)

746 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  09:36:44  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Ali and Ashlee,

Ashlee, AMA must mean "against medical advice" So do you think the doctors think you won't be helped and that's why they won't treat you? Can you go to mental health to see a therapist there?

Ali, it sounds like you are going through a rough time. Is your MS quite progressive or does it go up and down? I understand how it feels to want to die but to feel compelled not to commit suicide to protect your family. My friend has MS but I think she is lucky in one sense because she has been able to let it change her life for the better. She says she now appreciates life more. I think that is pretty rare though and would be hard to do. Her MS affects her bowels and gives her alot of back and neck pain. I feel for both of you. So you did not like it in the hospital? What bothered you the most about it?

I am diagnosed with depression and an eating disorder. I have been hospitalized once but I don't think my doctor will ever put me in again as I liked it there and she thinks that it would therefore not be good for me (might make me dependant on it). I take 6 psychiatric drugs which aren't too bad except for a few bothersome side effects. Anyway I'm glad to hear from you both.

Amie
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ashleeblonde1
Full Member (100+ posts)

184 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  11:23:36  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi, Amie an Ali,
yes, they said it meant against medical advice. I had a doctor for the last 4 or 5 years but i think my family may have threatened her becasue i was not getting 'well'. i think now that i may never be what they want as 'well'.
I, too, have considered suicide but i cant do it. I beleive that this is hell here on earth and to get into heaven you must be accepted by Jesus. Therefore, i beleive, suicide bombers or just suicide will only prolong the suffering. People have to wait their time. I do wish often that my time were up!!!
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ashleeblonde1
Full Member (100+ posts)

184 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  11:24:44  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Amie, what doe a 'junior member' mean?
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Amie (inactive)
Super Member (250+ posts)

746 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  16:30:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi,

Junior member means you have done so many posts (I think it changes when you get to 300) then there is advanced member but I forget how many that is, maybe 500?

Yes life can feel like one dragging pain. I feel like I have been permanently wounded by my childhood. Also, we have to live through the crappy parts of life and worry about things and do work only to die anyway. I know that sounds awful but I have been feeling dark lately. Maybe I should try and compare myself to people who are in permanent pain or illness and try to appreciate what I have. I do have a great husband, a nice dog, and lovely sisters and friends. We have made some interesting threads on this forum so maybe a "what are you grateful for" could be one.

Also I am glad (sorry Lori!) we have the medical system we do here. Having your doctor's and hospital visits be limited is nuts. Ashlee did you doctor discontinue service with you because of the your family. Did he/she think that you felt the same way as them?

take care both of you,

Amie
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ashleeblonde1
Full Member (100+ posts)

184 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  18:19:31  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
No, i talked with her and she told me that my family felt i should be better by now so i needed to see another doctor. It is very hard to keep your head above water sometimes. I bought a bike though! And i plan to ride it even if it is just in the driveway! It is Spring, even though i feel like the dark of winter.
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Amie (inactive)
Super Member (250+ posts)

746 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 04/06/2006 :  20:46:13  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi,

Ashlee I'm surprized your doctor didn't just ask how you felt and make her decision based on that. It's not your fault or problem what your family thinks.

Good for you re the bike. And thanks for brightening up this thread. I was feeling pretty dark too.

It feels like spring here too so that is nice. Especially since I will be moving soon.

Amie
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ashleeblonde1
Full Member (100+ posts)

184 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 04/07/2006 :  08:47:04  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
i see you live in Canada. I visted B.C. once. It was beautiful. I can only imagine it in Spring. I am on the Gulf of Mexico
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Amie (inactive)
Super Member (250+ posts)

746 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 04/07/2006 :  09:12:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Ashlee,

I live in an urban area so spring looks a little different here than it would in many parts of B.C. It is also quite a bit warmer in B.C. My friend who just visited from there says she would never move here because it is too cold!

Are you having weather problems where you live? It seems to me that the Gulf in a part of the world where it is happening alot. I just heard a news article on global warming and it was depressing. I know I should get past that and on to a solution but it is hard. For instance I should ride the bus more often. I really don't like taking the bus though. We should also do things like turn off our computers when we are not using it, our lights and so on.

Sometimes I just want to be an ostrich and stay buried in my own little world. It is almost all I can handle. Anyway I didn't mean to get so dark. I hope your day is going okay.

Amie
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LLOliverR
Super Member (250+ posts)

977 Posts
Gratitude: 6

Posted - 04/07/2006 :  21:03:46  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Ali,

Boy you do have it rough it sounds like. I'm glad you've come back and joined us again and I hope we can somehow boost your spirits.

I just read my fibromyalgia newsletter from an online support group called remedyfind. Their website is: www.remedyfind.com You have to register, but it doesn't cost, they don't sell your name or give it away and you can sign up for what newsletters you are interested in. They have ones for bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder and others. Check out the April issue for fibromyalgia. The guest writer for the month (below the article on possible causes) wrote how she had made a "friend" out of her disease and how coping with it this way had helped her. I know that sounds goofy, but it has worked for her. Another thing you said was how you push yourself to walk a certain amount, etc. This guest writer has also pushed herself in the past sometimes with poor results. I have found that with fibromyalgia, I have to find a balance point. I can't let myself slip into depression and give up completely and hide in bed, but I can't demand that my body do an hour of water aerobics, if I only got 6 hours of sleep the night before and my arms and legs are sore and stiff today. Maybe 30 minutes of walking is the right goal to set instead. I don't know for sure what you are supposed to do to deal with MS or if you are supposed to push yourself like that. With fibro, if I push myself too hard and too far, it can cause a serious setback that can cause me long time to recover from. Kind of like with bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder (which I also have). If I put myself under too much stress, I can also have a relapse.

Amie's right, DON'T ask her about the Canadian health system unless you want to increase your antidepressant meds!

And Ashlee, don't ya just wish families would butt out sometimes when it comes to our medical situations? Hope you're able to get your doc situation sorted out soon.

Take care all,
LL
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loggedin
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

3838 Posts
Gratitude: 324

Posted - 02/07/2010 :  22:27:26  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
quote:
Originally posted by ashleeblonde1

Hi, Amie an Ali,
yes, they said it meant against medical advice. I had a doctor for the last 4 or 5 years but i think my family may have threatened her becasue i was not getting 'well'. i think now that i may never be what they want as 'well'.
I, too, have considered suicide but i cant do it. I beleive that this is hell here on earth and to get into heaven you must be accepted by Jesus. Therefore, i beleive, suicide bombers or just suicide will only prolong the suffering. People have to wait their time. I do wish often that my time were up!!!



I'm sure that Jesus will accept someone like you who is so amazingly humble that she could compare herself with the mass murderers who are called suicide bombers.
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loggedin
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)

3838 Posts
Gratitude: 324

Posted - 02/07/2010 :  22:29:15  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
(Damn. That was 2006. I'm talking to myself)
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hassanrok
Starting Member

1 Posts

Posted - 04/12/2010 :  02:42:16  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
I checked craigslist, and there's a posting for the same exacted computer I had, same features and all, and in the posting they're selling it because they can't remember the password.
I called the number, and a girl named Jasmine answered, I told her that I would be able to crack to the password with a Keygen disc (yea, I told her some BS), and to let me try it before I buy it, but I'm pretty sure she lives in a bad neighborhood, and don't wanna risk my life going down there, unlocking the password, and running out with it.
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warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

80848 Posts

Posted - 05/28/2021 :  20:08:00  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

80848 Posts

Posted - 09/01/2021 :  22:51:20  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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