What changes have you been going through? I know you recently became a grandmother, even positive changes can wreak havoc upon us.
My changes are all so negative involving my very survival. I actually feel my sanity slipping. What's scary is that I don't care like I used to. I used to fight and pray to keep my head above water. For me I feel like I have lost so much that I cannot recover, including my sanity. My memory is affected adversely. I have come to the conclusion that I must be a very bad person for God to just keep sh*tting upon me or allowing so much sh*t to happen to me. My brain is flawed already, I don't have normal mental capacities that would otherwise allow me to cope. I never really thought I would be in this predicament. I always thought I would have friends and family to support me. But I am truly alone. I have gotten used to being alone but now it's taking it's toll on me both physically and mentally and socio-economically. Do I need to become a lyer and cheater and thief to fit in to society? I won't, but I feel like that's how people make it in this world. And what's scary my insanity is becoming normal for me. I am changing; shifting; becoming something that I do not want to be.
I had better stop complaining...your journey is so much more complicated...yes it would be easier if I was wired the same as the average bear.
By change I suppose I mean kids growing up and leaving home...my role is changing and I am just not negotiable enough to the changes going on around me...plus as Jody said on the other thread we get even wobblier as we go through the change...wonderful.
I know change is growth but I seem to be a stubborn mule to it and make life hell for everyone else.
Change
Posted - 12/26/2010 : 10:10:15
