I'm a 19 year old insurance agent whose been suffering from anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, depression, and ADHD since i was 13. My life has already been quite an obstacle what from having an alcoholic, bipolar, drug abusing, self destructive mother and a border line anger ridden father. My mother is just a whole different topic at the moment. My father on the other hand, I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to grow up faster than anyone at my age should have to and man he's not making it easy. He's always been abusive, calling me names telling me that I'm no good, the typical things that would hurt anyones feelings. And he abused me. Not only verbally but left hand print bruises around my neck and arms. He doesn't see the harm in anything he's said or done to me because I have a mouth on me. Sure, what teenager doesn't? I stood up for myself when he kicked me down. Is that so wrong? I'm mentally "sick" myself and everything is just my fault. He's never accountable for his actions. As of right now because I'm disrespectful and don't think or care about anyone but myself because I lost one of his cd's and have failed to return a few others (he told me to stay of his property because he didn't want to see me), I recieved a messaged via FACEBOOK of all places telling me that I'm dead to him, and because I am dead to him I'm dead to the whole family because it's HIS family not mine and never was. Even when i was living with him. So now I can't talk to my half brother or sister anymore. everyone keeps saying suck it up and talk to him for them. What the hell am I suppose to say to him when this came out of the left field? What the hell am I suppose to say when he's the one telling me that he never wanted me!? How am I suppose to react!? I just want to freak out on everyone and everything right now, my mouth always gets me in trouble so right now I'm just at loss of thoughts on what to do. Going there and knocking down the door is something I WOULD have done before but I just don't think I'm capable of that any more but I think about it, I think about going over there and just hurting him. Getting those poor children out of the house! I'm scared. I just don't understand how one man can cause so much harm! Or how he can call himself a man when he acts like this. Or lays a hand on his daughter! Please, advice anyone?
Sorry for you pain…Sorry I did not come across this sooner & sorry no one seems to of responded. I guess a bit of remorse goes a long way. I know when I snap at my daughter I feel really bad afterwards. There is no excuse for the abuse you mention and it sounds like a really bad situation when it comes to that. I have a daughter that struggles to understand the world she lives in & this upsets me greatly that perhaps I have failed her in some way. With so much mental disorder in the world right now as well as in our homes it really can be a struggle for many of us to live in harmony and so on. One of the ways I try to get through is to back down to myself when I feel like exploding…it may appear submissive to others, but really I am protecting myself in a way that does not inflame the situation. Sometimes by not jumping in the rings others will soon begin to see just how silly they look fighting with themselves.
Sometime this may require removing yourself from the situation, whether it is out of home for a spell or into another room. The way in which we do this act can work for the situation or against it. It’s good to stand up for oneself but doing so in a humble way often works best for me…VERY HARD to master as others will tend to take advantage of such ways as often seen to be week. I see some people can use their anger in a more assertive manner to resolve a situation & I guess it just depends on the person. Whatever works for you, I really hope you have found some sense of peace since posting here & if you don’t make it back I’m still glad for of responding anyways as I’ll be sure to give my daughter a big Hug the next time I see her…
I know since my kids have left, I’ve regretted many things I had said and did…If separation does not work try to create a world that does…that way you can just try to accept all those outside it as the abnormal ones and simply leave your door open to those who bring a positive aspect to it.
I really don’t know…but that’s how I try to get by in this insane world. Peace to you always Dave
I'm running out of patience.
Posted - 06/26/2010 : 12:30:02
