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Mood Disorder Community
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 Topic  |
| jrsjr3
New Member
57 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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 Posted - 06/03/2005 : 13:42:08
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*climbs down ladder, fetches oats for steed and stands firmly on ground*
In the most non-confrontational way possible i ask this abyss, what do you log on here for? You have piqued my interest. I would like to understand your intent.
see your comments below:
"I'm sorry to hear that you feel sorry for me, as I am not interested in your compassion, which you dispense only to make yourself feel better. Compassion is a reverse emotion: it makes the giver feel better at the expense of the recipient, while allowing a denial of that reverse effect."
You state you are not looking for compassion. But most users of boards such as this aren't either. they are on her b/c they are a place where anonymity can prevent us from censoring our comments for fear of judgement. Where people with similar circumstances can discuss their experiences and draw ideas from others' experiences as well.
I dont use my wife's illness to further my own agenda. I mention examples of how detrimental this illness can be to a family and I chose to illustrate this point by using examples. I could have scoured the web for Case Studies and Published Research, but rather chose to use the more readily available First Hand Experiences.
You also state (in so many words) you aren't hear to perpetuate the 'circle' by expressing any compassion.
You make the argument against yourself. Substitute "dispensing advise" for "compassion" (as the former is just an authoritative method of expressing the latter) in your anti-compassion comment above. It shows the same self-serving motives coming from your end. Any sort of emotion positive or negative makes the expressor feel better either about themselves or situation. Don't you feel better by trying to help others? making them "wake up already" or put "2&2 together"? Comments such as these illustrate that you are set astride your own high horse of superiority. Smug in your own knowledge that you must 'help' others learn and apply. Even if its against their will.
again your comments:
"There you go again in your efforts to extract compassion from your computer terminal. I am telling you with all sincerity that this is not a good thing for you to be doing. Get off the internet and instead put that time into interaction with real people, or some other positive endeavor, such as exercise. I am not being abusive to you, but of course you choose to see it that way because it makes you feel better. But that's a really poor way to feel better."
and then the further:
"Aqua, I think you can improve greatly from where you are currently at, but you have to start by getting off the internet and forming a plan of attack, and executing that plan, however difficult it may be.
And please, please, please, try some Zen. It will bring you a good deal of peace."
Do you know Aqua's reasons? Is she just here for us to play Pavlov and keep 'petting her like a little doggie' or is she here because she enjoys the conversations she can have with others who suffer through this and not feel like an emotional freak. This is a question she has to answer for herself.
So what is it that you hope to accomplish/acheive/learn? to change how people view themselves or their illness? champion holistic medicine and meditation and forward your own theraputic agenda? Beacuse you're right and the doctor's are wrong?
These are questions only you can answer.
Just be sure your not doing it 'to promote artificial feelings of self worth in yourself.' or play some elaborate Game to illustrate your superiority to smugly point the proverbial finger at the Medical Community and laugh b/c you figured it out and they haven't. Just Remember: 'Every pat on the back you give yourself comes at the cost of some poor persons mental health.'[/size=12
All everyone here is trying to do is help each other, yourself included. Perhaps if you try not shoving it down peoples gullets, you may find them a bit more receptive. I'm quite sure Zen Buddists don't tell those that disagree to [size=2]"wake up already" . I'm also pretty sure that they teach promoting harmony among all living things. Meditate a bit more on those teachings. Before trying to bully others to your way of thinking.
*climbs back up ladder and sits astride his own horse (called Duncan)*
-John
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx |
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| jrsjr3
New Member
57 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 06/03/2005 : 13:43:21
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quote:
Originally posted by aquamarine
John and Dr Long,
Thank you for being so supportive. The earlier note from Abyss was hard for me to read especially today as my mood has been crashing for the past few days. When I feel good I can fight this kind of abuse. Anyways, I just want you to know how much your standing up for meant to me.
..Aqua
Not a problem. Don't get discouraged by him, but keep pushing forward. you'll be fine.
-John
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx |
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| Administrator
Administrator
14912 Posts
Gratitude: 593
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Posted - 06/03/2005 : 14:52:17
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Dear Members,
Unfortunately I have had to ban Abysslooksback from our community due to his total disregard for the feelings of other members. I will remove all his insensitive postings.
Phil Long M.D.
Administrator  |
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| aquamarine
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1238 Posts
Gratitude: 300
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Posted - 06/03/2005 : 19:34:18
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Dr Long and others,
Just so you know...contrary to what Abyss assumed, I am NOT looking for people to feel sorry for me. I am looking for somewhere where I feel I belong. For almost my whole life I have felt like I was always "sitting outside the circle"...looking in, wondering why I didn't seem to feel like, or couldn't be like, other people.
When I found the old BP website it was the light switch turned on...others did have the many of same issues and mood instability. I felt a sense of belonging. I had always felt it was my fault. These people helped me understand my moods are not always in my control. Helped me learn that I can manage some aspects of them, but other aspects are part of an illness.
The irony with Abyss is that I too believe that meditation can be helpful. The problem is when your thoughts are racing and you are on high speed (anxiety, irritability and depression wise, calming down enough to meditate is nigh impossible. The other irony is that he/she speaks of Zen Buddhism and how I might find peace in that. I believe in Buddhism...From what I understand the main tenet of Buddhism is compassion...for yourself and others. I feel that aspect has been missing from Abyss's messages.
I am sorry Abyss has to be banned, but I also feel a sense of relief.
...Aqua
[Aqua, you have clarified our mission. Thus I have renamed our community the "Bipolar Support Community". We no longer will be a community debating "the myth of mental illness". Now we can get back to our primary mission, helping each other. Phil Long M.D., Administrator] |
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| jrsjr3
New Member
57 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 06/06/2005 : 06:48:16
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[John, you are a credit to our community, but please watch the language (which, however, was very to-the-point). Phil Long M.D., Administrator]
[/quote]
Sorry doc, he got me hackles up, but thanks for teh compliment. good to know you agreed in priciple if not in methodology. sometimes i leap b4 i look i.ll be more careful in future - Scouts Honour! (i wasnt a scout for longer than a month, but it still counts right?)
BTW: whats to stop Abyss  from registering under another name and starting all this over again? Just a heads up to be alert for abyss the sequel.
-John
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - Groucho Marx
 Thanks John, we will keep an eye out. Phil Long M.D. |
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| zuma181
Starting Member
11 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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Posted - 06/12/2005 : 12:20:10
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| It's true the big pharmas are happy to peddle medication; it's also true that before decent medication, friends and family were happy to have you carted away to the nuthouse, and you could wind up there for things--not too serious--and for a long long time. |
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| lyn
Starting Member
25 Posts |
Posted - 06/13/2005 : 12:31:01
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Aqua-Thankyou for describing what I have been through, but unlike you,I still what to move forward and become a psychologist, but this illness is stopping me.I have just registered,but was diagnosed with BP type 2(rapid cycler)worse that what you said-I didn't sleep or eat for a week and nearly hospitalised 8yrs ago-denied the illness,suffered until last August 2004.I am only going back to pdoc this week,as the symptoms are all coming back,even thou I'e been on a stabilizer.You made me cry when I realised I AM NOT ALONE WITH THIS ILLNESS!!!!! |
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| coelbren
Starting Member
1 Posts |
Posted - 07/01/2005 : 15:08:46
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I think what kalamity is trying to note, that I would definitely acknowledge, is how our culture loves to categorize and button-hole. I've always been different, I've always been weird. I've always been shy and smart and creative. But as I grew older and my family grew more distant (once i was out in the 'real world' on my own) & I tried to find my place in the world, a crazy changing world, with little success or stability, I was suddenly labeled bpNOS (ie, she's strange, but doesn't fit into any of our categories, so, we'll stick her in here someplace.) I was diagnosed w/a 15 min. consultation, my father's a dr. so he basically got this other dr. to diagnose me prior to meeting w/me. They had me on meds b/f I even saw a psychiatrist. Naturally this left me with a sour taste regarding the sanctity and privacy of my medical records, and always left me distrustful of drs. Even so, I stayed on my meds dutifully through college, and graduated, even tho I felt like they dulled my mental capacities somewhat. Mostly I took them so I could sleep better. Once I got out in the world I moved in w/my boyfriend, who never believed I was bipolar, even after a hospitalization in upstate NY. After coming back to the midwest and getting my life back together & having a pretty awesome year as far as work went (meanwhile watching all my friends recede farther & farther into the distance...), I had to have one final gasp of breath, took a long shot, and scheduled a flight for SF, to see an old friend who I used to see who also had been a psyche nurse. Somehow in this environment I thought I could safely go off my meds. I went out there and was ecstatic for days, then, sort of depressed. By the time my plane landed things felt weird, now that i've been back all I want to do is go back & my mind has crashed into the blackest of blackness, no work no nothing for 4 months, relationships estranged, family watches me mope around the house all day as if watching TV is going to get my life back in order...sure I can read books about this disorder, but how is being a full-time patient going to make me want to live? I used to make art, I am even a musician, but I cant bring myself to do anything...job offers come and go...do I have to apply for disability?? After my crash I had hallucinations and my body aged about 30 years..my hair, skin, eyes don't look the same..all I do is fantasize about revenge...I saw the Devil (who I dont believe in, by the way) last time I saw witches, vampires, warlocks (None of which I have the slightest interest in, I dont even read books like harry potter or anne rice or whatever) my grandmothers spirit came and cursed me and ever since this incident i almost feel like i shoudl believe in ghosts, at least then i could feel based in some sort of reality, even if its supernatural.
Ok, this is a medical site, I'll get back to the medical aspects of this disease. Basically, what I'm wondering is, if I lived in another time/place/the 3rd world, would I be a shaman, would my visions be listened to, explored, rather than discounted?? My visions involve the darkeness and evil we have created for ourselves here on earth, native american prophesies, I never in my life thought of any of these things before, but after this instance feel them seeping into my body. No medicine is going to get rid of my memories. When entire cultures have been based upon this distinction between religiousity/madness-->andnow we have evolved into capitalistic culture void of any moral values how can you help but feel anything but useless if you are not making money, your visions are not valued, your culture is dying, your community null and void, and the ony role you play in society that of passive recipient of the services of others...
All right, I will write again when my thoughts more cohesive...
any ideas?? |
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| GentleLady
New Member
80 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 07/01/2005 : 21:56:36
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You bring up a very interesting point, Colebren. At what point is spirituality deemed madness? When Im not on meds, I feel a strong connection to all that is. The hawks brought me messages, and the angels spoke to me. I even did angel readings for people, and was told that I was right on by the recipients. I bought through information to them, that I had no way of knowing. I was able to give some people great comfort about loved ones who have passed on. (I never took money for this)
When I went back on meds last fall, my therapist (a specialist in bipolar disorder) told me that when I hear the angels talk, Its time for a med change. The angels arent talking, nor are the hawks. I have been assured by all of them, that this is the right course for my life right now. They are there, but staying in the background.
I was in great turmoil when I wasnt on meds. Yes I had shining moments of clarity, such as the angel readings. But I had many dark days, too I also made some very bad and dangerous decisions for my life. I think my angels protected me from harm in those instances.
I know I made the right decision to go back on meds. But I miss my angels.
GentleLady
Seeking friends who understand |
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| Squiggles
Starting Member
10 Posts |
Posted - 07/16/2005 : 11:18:21
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I really like RedRocket's "rodent's posterior" :-)
Uhm, yeah, if you are very ill and medical science
has come up with something to make you feel well,
or at least much better, why look a gift horse
in the mouth, or should I say "why be an ass"?
Leave the neurophysiology to the experts.
Squiggles |
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| Minew
Starting Member
6 Posts |
Posted - 08/03/2005 : 17:35:51
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so I will be up one day, go to bed and wake up wishing I would die.
Aqua, I thought I was the only one who felt that way.
Minew |
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| CLOE48
Starting Member
7 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2006 : 21:07:01
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i havent found a drug that has helped me yet,, many of the drugs are worse than the illness..
i have also found that docs seem to be guessing on what drugs to give us.. its all a gamble!!! with our minds... |
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| CLOE48
Starting Member
7 Posts |
Posted - 08/15/2006 : 21:22:50
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i also suffer from depression, bipolar, ptsd.
i also used to have a great job with lots of responsibility, now,, i can hardly spell, socialize, write, read,, so on and so on
mental illness stops us in our tracks!!!!!! and,, there is no magic pill!!!!
i wish i was the person i used to be!!!! i have changed so much.. and so many people dont understand!!!
you can explain over and over, they just dont get it, when your mind isnt functioning properly..
not even your closest friend.. they think we are lazy, stupid, worthless, non productive.....
we feel llike we are being talked about behind our backs!!!
mental illlness in not a fun time,,, im sure many of us wish at times to just go to sleep and not wake up!!!
i am still an intelligent person,, but,, my words get mixed up,, my mind gets confused,, i cant sleep, i am just plain tired, no energy.
oh,, someone i know said recently to someone else i know,,, oh,, she is just a housewife,, her job is to keep her house clean,,,, and they laughed...
they just dont understand,,, i would love to get up every day and go back to work. i loved working... and i was in a management position..
now,, i hardly ever leave my house!!!! very rarely go shopping or anywhere else...
mental illness is hell............. |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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