Things that supposedly should give me comfort, like darkness and sleep; places that once put my mind to rest cause me fear. I seem to have misplaced happiness. In its place I find desperation and anxiety. I have panic attacks. My heart beats fast and my skin burns. I slow my breath and fear dying, I speed up and fear failure.
The pursual of achievement seems futiles. It depresses me, not its futility but its predictability. Monotony is not an option ay more than it has been previously.
I look at past goals I have achieved in hope of nrekindling a passion, or an optimism, but can't. Is this what it feels like to be a lost soul?
Career goals mean nothing, friendships mean less than they should. I am selfish. I no longer seek company, nor am I comforted by solidarity. What's wrong with me?
Everything is going so fast. It fits so comfortably in the cliche of falling. The good people in my life are intangiable, but most of them are bad. I can't keep hold of my plans or intentions, daily, monthly, yearly. I lose track.
What's wrong with me?
Posted - 10/10/2009 : 14:11:13
