My boyfriend of two years exhibits many signs of someone struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder. He is not physically abusive, but he does get angry easily and say really mean things. Today, I asked him if he wanted a brownie. I didn't hear his response so I asked him again. He got upset and said, "I already said no!" Then he dropped the brownie on the ground. Next, he sent 200 text messages to my phone that read, "I said no!"
He gets this way sometimes where he gets so angry over the littlest things. I feel as though I am constantly walking on eggshells trying to avoid upsetting him. His mood swings are unpredictable, but he can be the most fun and interesting person to be around. That and the fact that I am pregnant are the reasons why I am still with him.
I love him, but I sometimes wonder how long I will be able to handle his mood swings and anger issues. I know he was abandoned by his mother as an infant, left with an abusive aunt, and sexually abused as well as a child. He is also a recovering meth addict. I'm sure all this has something to do with his behavior.
Yes, I do think there is potential with this person but I think its important that you put down some boundaries with respect to verbal abuse and encourage this person to get treatment. Also, none of the therapy he does will help unless he abstains from the drugs. He has to get off that stuff completely to have any chance of engaging in therapy productively.
To be honest the 200 text messages sounds like a very childish act and he needs to look at that.
I have BPD and I found that being on psychotropic medication and doing psychotherapy have helped me to improve. I am no where near as angry as I used to be and I have gained control over a number of areas of my life particularly managing mood swings. I do still have a way to go and I am committed to improvement.
He does definitely have hope and there is potential for improvement. He needs to start recognising these issues and be motivated to change them.
Wow, this is a tough issue. My wife has borderline / narcissistic personality disorder. She won't get treatment, she won't admit there is a problem. In her case, there isn't much hope. Her mood swings are unpredictable, nothing I can do for her is enough. She has disowned our son and taken all his pictures down. (He's 14 and lives with us and is so tired of her anger issues that he is relieved that she won't speak to him anymore.) We have decided to split up but we have to remain in the same home together until August. It's really hard to deal with someone with BPD. They can be childish and abusive, yet we know they are ill and we love them. In my case, I had to realize that I can only work on my issues. I can't fix hers. My issue is that I have a dependent personality. The only way my son and I can ever move on to healthy lives is if I become independent.
I think there is always hope for someone who wants to get better. When someone insists that there isn't a problem and won't get help in spite of years of suffering, then it's time to move on.
Yahoo has a great support group for folks dealing with loved ones who have BPD. Check out WelcomeToOz2 at yahoo groups if you are dealing with this issue.
Run for the hills while you still can. The baby deserves peace and so do you. You can make a happy secure and safe world for you and your baby. You can't "fix" people. Save yourself. Lin
It is possible for someone with bipolar or BPD to have a wonderful and productive loving relationship but in your case it is up to him as to whether or not he gets help. If he won't get help your better off being alone and happy then with someone and miserable and it is not fair to children either if there is a ton of uncertainty involved either.
I suggest giving him 1 of 2 options. Get help and work through it or you leave. I have BPD and bipolar, anxiety disorder, and ocd as well as paranoia... There is no way in hell I would raise a child by willingly getting pregnant. There is no way that child would be emotional healthy.
Just please give him an option but don't make it sound like an ultimatum even though that is what it is. Just because someone else suffers the consequences of their own illness doesn't mean you have to suffer from it too.
The wind of anger blows out the flame of intelligence
So sorry to hear about your situation. I honestly saw myself in you while reading your post. Been asking myself if I could stay any longer with my boyfriend. I love him to bits, but things are getting too tense sometimes. To make things worse, I have a bit of anxiety disorder, so the unpredictable mood swings and anger issues are getting the better of me.
I also read the replies to your post. They are really helpful. Having a relationship with someone who has BPD is a bit of struggle. Sometimes, I think that I should just end the relationship and stay friends with him (if possible). After all, there seems to be a point about "saving oneself", right?
I guess I can still handle the situation. But I am really curious to know how things are with you. Your baby must be at least a year old now? Hope you are all in good health :)