Hi my name is giggly. I am a new member and I find this site very helpgul as I read through some of the personal story. I am 34yrs. old and I was diagnose with bipolar disorder type 1. when I was 17yrs. Those were lost times for me because my dad said to me that I am no longer a person. That really hurt me and so I made it come true for him. I stop living and became canatonic at times in the State Mental Institution. My twenties were lost as I felt a need to just walk and walk to anywhere. Now my life is ok at times but feel nothing. I suffer from PTSD also from enduring a genociding war in Cambodia. I never feel i belong in life. My pain is so great and wanting to not exist sometimes make it unbearable for me to function. Sorry to write to much. I just wanted to introduce myself. Thanks.
~Welcome to MT giggly~ I am sorry you have been through so much pain in your life. You will find compassion and hope here. You ARE a person. BP PTSD doesn't make us inhuman. Hang in there ! Are you still in Cambodia? Wars are so awful, so senseless. Being dx'd at such an early age, must have been devastating. How are you feeling now?
Note to self: ask God what His plans are, for me, for the day. .
Hi giggly, It is nice to see you posting. I am so sorry that your Dad said that to you.That was not very nice of him to do that! You are among friends from all over the world. I live in the US. I can't imagine the pain that you are suffering with from Cambodia. If you haven't talked about it to any one or if you need to talk about it again, this is a safe place to do that. Every one here is very supportative. I usually hang out in the Sz section and kinda keep to myself in my own little blog. Blogs are nice. You can go there and just type away about how you are feeling and how your day is going. Keep posting and it is nice to meet you!
Hello again Giggly! I really hope to hear from you again! My brothers' wife is from Cambodia and she saw horrible things in the Killing Fields. K'mer Rouge, is that the right name for it? I wish I could hold your hand and tell you how beautiful you are, these terrible things that have happened, they are not YOU! You are strong and couragious! Hook up with nice people. Find things that make YOU happy, it is possible!!!! (To be happy) It's hard for me to focus and finish things but I am trying to learn how. Some days we're not happy and that's ok too. Reach out, we're always here!
Hi raibowfish, I have a false happy feeling. When I get manic,it is like i am high on pot. I get giggly and laugh alot for no reasons. My family and friends dont know how to react. Is she really happy or is it the illness. I am sometimes so misable that I do purposily alter my medication to get that manic feeling. This is why I gave my name giggly. I giggle alot for no reason. Any ways. I am curious about your brother's wife who is cambodian. How old is she and does she have some form of PTSD? My situation was I was caught in that nightmare that happend for ahout 4yrs which I grew up in it. From birth to six yrs. old. Then we came to the United State where we lived in a small collge town in Oregon. I don't know if I really have PTSD, but that is what the doctor diagnose me because of the in and out of the psychotic phase I go through. I become so fearful at timess that I almost fear that I will not recongnize my family. That is terriying to me. Thank you for sharing your sincere compassion.
Hi Lynn, Thank you for your caring words. Just to let you know I really talk about this stuff to hardly anyone. The doctors want me to desperatly deal with my trauma. I did one time whith the so called best doctor who speciallized in dealing with trauma and PTSD of people who went through war. It made me uncomfortble to the point that it would made me kind of sick where I would relive the expeirence in my thoughts that I chose to leave it alone. When I am stable I feel a sense of what what is reality and what is not, but when I get unstable, I get lost in in. That is the worst for me and hard to get out of sometimes. I am 34yrs. old now and I will be graduationing from college with a degree in Social Work. It is big deal since I have never had the opportunity to start college after high school because I got sick when I was 17rs. They diagnose me Bipolar andd I have been on social securtiy since then.
Hi Mae Thank you for welcoming me in here. Your understanding and sicerity makes me feel comforatabe in sharing my thoughts in here. I came in here in here by chance. I was so angry for five days and this caused a concern because when I get so angry, any things go. I fear to lose my hard work with school, that I sought prevention from me getting in trouble to point that I might assault someone and end up in jail. So I did the responsibel ask for help from my psych. He was helpful since I have been with him for at least 15yrs. Thany for your reply.
I am in Oregon! It is possible that you know my brother although he lives in a different state now. Many years ago he learned many Asian languages and helped many people when they first came to America from foreign countries. He lived in Washington, too. And there really is nothing wrong with giggling, it shows that you have a happy heart! I understand your fear, what you endured is wrong; but the main thing is you endured AND survived! You are going to graduate and help so many others!!!! WOW!!!
Wow!! Rainbowfish, How funny is this. I live in Vancouver,next to Portland, Oregon. How much of connection we have to each other. It is kind of by luck that we met in here when I felt in pain with such anger. You have been very supportive for me whith such understanding and caring for me. Thank you I hope we become good supportive for each other and be buddies!!!!
We're neighbors, divided by just a river and some bridges! I have alot of anger built up inside of me, too. My therapist is working with me to help me try and get it out; it's unhealthy to keep all that anger inside for so long. I will start a new post in a day or two in the Anger topic.
personal story. New Member
Posted - 06/13/2009 : 07:54:17
It is nice to see you posting. I am so sorry that your Dad said that to you.
That was not very nice of him to do that! You are among friends from all over the world. I live in the US. I can't imagine the pain that you are suffering with from Cambodia. If you haven't talked about it to any one or if you need to talk about it again, this is a safe place to do that. Every one here is very supportative. I usually hang out in the Sz section and kinda keep to myself in my own little blog. Blogs are nice. You can go there and just type away about how you are feeling and how your day is going. Keep posting and it is nice to meet you!
