I have suffered 'lost time' since i was a child. i would not remember where time had gone and be confused as to what had happened.
a couple of years ago, a counsellor i was seeing, explained to me (sara) that i had 'alters or others'. i was confused but it explained why i believed that i had an (what i thought)imaginary friend and she knew other people who knew me (sara) the counsillor told me she had met Tia who had told her that (sara)did not know everything and it was better that way. tia said the others knew different things and she (tia)knew all of them, but sara knew none of them. This news disturbed me and i could not handle it, except to be reassured by the counsellor that tia was my friend and was looking out for me and not be too concerned about the 'blackouts'
Just lately, over the past several months, i have had more and more blackouts and lost time. But i have tried to let it not upset me. I have made a couple of new friends doing a 'stop and think' group that was set up for people like me who have mental health problems. Debs and Spud and i have kept in touch since the group and have become quite close. we help each other out and have a laugh and get together a least once a week. we all have dogs so that brings us together too. The problem i have is that tia has made 2 appearances to them. they have told me that i have called them (or rather tia has) and when they come to check on me, she has been moody with them and stroppy. Debs said she could tell straight away that she was not talking to sara and that tia was very defensive of sara and making sure that they knew she was taking care of me (sara). this weekend i 'lost' 14 hours from 10pm sat night til about 12noon sunday. Spud rang me about 4pm and ask if i was ok and explained that she had been receiving text and phone messages from tia from about 1am sunday morning warning her that sara was hers and that spud and debs should stay away, that she (tia) would not let them hurt her or use her. this was very shocking to me to hear and very upsetting too. i kept saying sorry and spud kept telling me that it was ok as she knew it was tia not sara that was doing it. why would tia do this if she is supposed to be there to protect me. and how can i keep control of my own body and not lose time. i am scared as these episodes can seem to happen anytime. i was not upset saturday night (quite the opposite), i was not drinking, had not taken too many tablets and was generally feeling good about seeing my friends on tuesday to catch up on their news. can anyone please help or at least steer me to somewhere that can?
i'm scared to tell my dr or psychiatrist in case they put me away.
I am sure a Psychiatrist is the person who best can help you.
As for being locked away...you are not harming yourself or threatening anyone....that seems to be the international standard of their reasons for putting you in hospital against your will.
So far nothing negative has come from your condition.... my fear is that this condition puts you at danger.
I know what you mean about losing time... ever since I was a little girl I'd been losing random numbers of hours for no reason. I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago but I still refuse to believe it. I'm a lot better than I used to be, and I think it was just trouble growing up..
too many people in 1 body
Posted - 04/06/2009 : 17:40:41
