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Back at work!

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Heatherzed
Full Member (100+ posts)

241 Posts
Gratitude: 5

Posted - 11/02/2005 : 08:21:37

Well, since there's a distinct lack of good news here, which in itself is depressing, I thought I would add some...

I have gone back to work, finally, after having around 9 months off. I would not be posting if I didn't think that this was a (as good as you can get) permanent change for the better, as I have tried to go back a few times before and ended up overdoing it, or just plain hating it, and the sinking back into an even deeper depression because I pushed to hard for something I wasn't up to.

At the moment it feels fantastic, and I feel able to cope again, like a normal person. That's the best part: I feel like I am normal again, functioning like a normal human being with a use and a purpose and a reason to be here.

I still have trouble getting up but it's more a physical thing, whereas befor it all stemmed from my mental problems. Hey, doesn't everyone feel like hell in the mornings??! No matter what time I go to bed, I always feel crap when i get up. The difference is, a few months ago, I just didn't bother getting up. Now, I have the ability to make that effort and drag myself out of bed. Then, after a shower and about half an hour, the sleepiness and crappiness has gone....

I am really really busy at work and feel like I am holding about 4 different jobs!! Well, in a way I am, as I do lots of other things other than my main job in research, like stand on committees and stuff. So, I am hoping that all this won't stress me out too much and trigger anothr bout of depression. I know I need to watch out for things like that as I know I am prone, but it's hard when I am needed in all these different roles at work.

Oh, but to be needed! Although I am way too busy, it still feels good because of this.

Whilst I am enjoying my work and my life again, I will not forget the people here and how you all helped me in my darkest times. I will keep coming back for support when I need it, and to offer my support to everyone here.

There is a way out, as I have proved. OK, so we don't know what's around the corner, and I could be back to square one by next week. But, I am keeping my hopes up this time. That's one thing it's so hard to have when you are ill, but that just seems to come naturally when you are well and happy. You think of tomorrow without dread and fear; you look to the future; you plan things (and not just suicide)...all this just happens and it feels great!

I feel I have got a lot of my confidence back that I thought was lost forever down a bottomless black hole. I don't feel scared of social situations anymore. It's so wierd I almost can't believe it's me!

I'll keep my hopes up for everyone here in case people can't find a hope of their own at this time.

Good wishes to everyone, thankyou to you all

Love Heather