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Mood Disorder Community
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EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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 Posted - 07/23/2008 : 10:26:13
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I told on somebody to my talk therapist that he specifically did something when he molested me when I was a little girl, and I was fine. Then I am now crying because I made a mistake at work in front of everybody. I hate myself.
EAAge: 32
Sex: female
working part-time, married
Diagnosed 1993, Bipolar I  |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 07/23/2008 : 11:04:15
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ea im not sure how the talk with your therapist , and victemization relates to your mistake at work and embarrassment in front of everyone, did everyone really look at you like did the room go silent and time stop. or are you just being hard on yourself , i know you are a perfectionist,, is the act of having told your therapist that something specific was done to you when you were molested ,with which you were open and fine with with your therapist, but later the reality set in, and im guesing feelings of shame ,deppression,anger,abondonment or rejection. and maybe some feelings that you didnt want to tell your mom etc but had to do so for your own recoververy, these feelings realities would distract anyone and cause them to make a mistake , im surprised that you even are able to work.. im trying to help i ve a bad headache so ill wrap this up and hope i said something helpful.
i think your great ea and if i had a daughter or an employee id want her to be like you and to teach me as you are one explamplery human being . no bs i mean it.
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| Hoppy
Super Member (250+ posts)
441 Posts
Gratitude: 137
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Posted - 07/23/2008 : 11:22:51
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Hi EA, I think the best thing you can do right now is try to see the differences that might be there in the perception of things at work. You feel that they were all kind of upset with you for making a mistake momentarily, and suddenly it defines your whole job performance, not necessarily true at all, but how you are feeling that you didn't live up to your own or anyone else's expectations. You know what, that's their problem if they expect you to be perfect. I do these little things with myself too, like I say something and then after that person is gone I say, "You are so stupid, Sheri." Its fleeting, so it doesn't stay with me long. And then I do more, like, if I'm not over it, or if someone upsets me, or even if I feel like I'm being too critical of everyone and everything, I will say to myself, think to myself, "I love you, Sheri." Sometimes I think this over and over, and I feel better. Then later at home, sometimes no one is close enough to me, so I ask for a hug, from either of my kids, or I snuggle with Hoppy.
Sheri |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 07/23/2008 : 13:18:15
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Hi EA.,
Do you consider both events, although one of prime importance and the other much less significance, are in someway connected to your eventual breakdown in tears?
Just a thought that crossed my mind, David
If you work these communities ... there's a good chance these communities will work for you! |
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| Fruitcup (inactive)
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 604
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Posted - 07/24/2008 : 02:20:52
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Hi ea
Sending hugs
Sue
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| lynn2150
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
21329 Posts
Gratitude: 2146
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Posted - 07/24/2008 : 12:00:52
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Same here EA !
I am guessing that this confession has triggered painful memories.
EA, I don't know if this will help,
Robin Quivers, the co-anchor for Howard Stern, went through childhood abuse.
Therapy helped her immensely.
She is a wonderful woman, just like YOU !
I wish I could say more, to take away your pain, EA.
Love and hugs to you !
Lynn |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 07/24/2008 : 13:45:09
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Dear David, Stig, Sheri, Sue, and Lynn,
Thank you so much.
EAAge: 32
Sex: female
working part-time, married
Diagnosed 1993, Bipolar I |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 07/24/2008 : 19:09:59
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| your welcome |
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| RedStar
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4843 Posts
Gratitude: 657
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Posted - 07/31/2008 : 12:44:12
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Delayed stress reaction. Funny how stuff catches up to us and how misdirected our feelings can be.
Just this morning I backed into Cloud's car (thank heavens she's a mechanic and will take it to the body shop at the dealership where she works). She was really cool about it, and told me it was fine and pretty minor damage.
But... later in the morning I was told that I did something against policy (minor "don't do that again" thing). I felt so stupid and guilty! But I realized that I was blowing it out of proportion because I was predisposed to have those feelings. (OMG that sounds like CBT!) It's still bugging me a bit, but I squash that bug every time it appears.
I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better. - G. C. Lichtenberg |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 07/31/2008 : 14:16:21
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Yes, my secondary diagnosis is mild post-traumatic stress disorder.
EAAge: 32
Sex: female
working part-time, married
Diagnosed 1993, Bipolar I |
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| trs70
Starting Member
1 Posts |
Posted - 08/02/2008 : 08:48:02
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| I am not bi-polar my wife of 4 years is. It seems every summer her moods change and there is the depression and anxiety. I love her but it is getting harder now that we have children. I am honestly working on my patience. Anybody have suggestions for me? |
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| leeruok
Super Member (250+ posts)
631 Posts
Gratitude: 334
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Posted - 08/02/2008 : 10:54:18
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trs70,
My husband, like you, has gone through many ups and downs because of my bi-polar illness. I can tell you that it can make a person seem so selfish.
Your wife may not be aware that you are suffering. One time, after a huge episode with my husband, he blurted out " you are not the only one that hurts". That was like a slap in the face because I didn't realize that he was suffering like me, but it was my illness causing his pain.
From then on, no matter the mistake or what is going on, I try to look at the situation from his point of view, not just my own.
Perhaps your wife may benefit from an awareness that you have feelings too.
Living with a person that has bi-polar disease is heavy. You may need additional, outside support for yourself if your suffering goes on too long. There are many support groups for people living with bi-polar spouses or partners.
Best of wishes
Please take care
leeruok |
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| juniperbelle
New Member
62 Posts
Gratitude: 39
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Posted - 08/02/2008 : 13:05:59
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EA, I'm crying for you right now, because I do often feel the same way. The hurt and anger and frustration get so mixed up. I hate confrontation, but I snapped at a man this morning at a parade(I didn't even know him). He was merely a volunteer as I am, and he was bossing me around like he was the Great Pooh Pah and I was dirt. Living in Mormon country here in ID, where mean are "the bosses," is hard for an independent, intellegent (ahem) person like me. I told him he was sure correcting me when I didn't even know who he was. I was raised in the south where ladies are given more respect, and I haven't adjusted to big men in cowboy boots yelling at me. Anyway, my day is ruined, and I'm going to take a pill and have a drink, which is a huge negative. I can't get over this encounter.
How do any of you get over unfair treatment? slight? people bossing you around?
I hear you spouses; my darling husband has put up with me for 20+ years, yet, he has his own faults that take a lot of patience from me. Life is too darned complicated and difficult much of the time.
Hugs from a disgruntled person who can't even give herself a hug. We all need more pets. |
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| RedStar
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4843 Posts
Gratitude: 657
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Posted - 08/14/2008 : 12:40:55
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I hope you're feeling better now, dear EA.
I know it's hard to deal with molestation. A good friend of mine always feels awful right after her session with her therapist. She says that once she gets over that, she starts to really hear what the therapist was saying.
My friend says that feeling her rage was a good thing. Once she owned her rage, her fear and guilt began fading.
She says that for her it's been a lot like the emotions of grief - denial, anger, helplessness, depression, etc. She says she grieves for the child who was molested.
People are always commenting that you never know what cats are thinking. The observation tells us a little about cats and a lot more about people. It implies that people ought to know what other beings are thinking, and that cats violate this norm in some strange way. - Anne Mendelson |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 08/14/2008 : 14:36:55
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Thanks, Juniperbelle and RedStar.
EAAge: 32
Sex: female
working part-time, married
Diagnosed 1993, Bipolar I |
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| cai123
New Member
56 Posts |
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