I was prescribed Paxil at one point during my recovery for anxiety. I didn't like the side effects it gave me. I had a very fast-paced job and the drug made me feel tired all of the time. I knew nothing about the drug and neither did the doctor, but I was supposed to take it anyway. I ran out of the little pink guys in-between visits with the psychologist. I felt like I was off balance. It was in the summer and I was working outside. I thought I was dehydrated. I drank a ton of water. One morning my head was sloshing around so hard I could not get out of bed. I felt like I had a weight in my brain. All the water did was make me pee a lot.
Upon returning to the doctor's office I told him what had happened. After the fact he tells me I should have come off of it slowly. I guess I should of known better. This did not instill any confidence in me that the doctor knew much about prescribing medications.
I told the Doctor of Psychology that it wasn't working. He treated me as though I was working against his mode of therapy. I felt like if I did not take the drug the consequences would be me not receiving more help from him.
I was damned if I took the drug because it didn't work for me in my kind of job. I was damned if I didn't take the drug because I could see the doctor's frustration with my choice, giving me the feeling that he would not help me or it would somehow block our form of communication from then on out.
I felt like a scapegoat for what he did not have the ability to heal.
I found a therapist that understood double-binds from understanding Neurolinguistic programming. After we removed the ones from my childhood all the anxiety ceased.
I've studied multiple patterns with double-binds that promote co-dependency due to overcoming my own co-dependent patterns. It was the only way to get "out of the loop" of being what I was made to be in my family of origin, being "a scapegoat." I'm finally beginning a new life of my very own. I now have the ability to assist people when I want too!
I appreciate your insights and wanted to share this one with you.
Double-binds
Posted - 05/21/2005 : 16:52:16
