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Mood Disorder Community
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weyered_up
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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 Posted - 05/14/2008 : 17:30:20
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My daughter (15) is bipolar and I'm having a hard time trying to explain what bipolar is to my ex.
He doesn't live in the same province so not only does he not see her everyday, it's usually more like a vacation.(Though he does keep it pretty real)He doesn't believe in mental illness and has the pick yourself up by the bootstraps attitude.
But recent conversations with him (we are nice to each other) have shown that he really is trying to understand. He is reading a book, i think it is "when someone you love has bipolar" which my daughter gave to him for Christmas  (good for her) But he finds it too medically. Also those books are often referring to adults who experience the extremes.
My question is, anybody know any good ways to help? Any successes explaining it to the nonbeliever (or blind )lol
Living on the edge is exhilerating...until you fall off. |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 05/21/2008 : 14:42:29
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you tube.com/bipolar disorder. theres links on this site.
lots of bioplar disorder web sites. dr.kay jamison redfield.
patty duke astin. brittanny spears. i think abraham lincoln.
also go to my profile theres a link to a site there. |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 05/21/2008 : 15:25:32
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Hi weyered_up,
May I firstly offer you a warm welcome to these communities of ours, yours too, since you've decided to join us . I hope you get to like what we are about here. Promoting emotional and practical support to one and other.
If you click on to this video link, it may prove insightful to all concerned about your daughters welfare.
http://www.bipolarhelp.org/media/index.html
Yours in community friendship, David
If you work these communities ... there's a good chance these communities will work for you! |
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| weyered_up
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 05/21/2008 : 18:24:20
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Thanks for the info guys. I did actually send him the link to the bipolar.org site. What the real difficulty is is to find ones relating to youth bipolar.
They always show the extremes of off jetsetting around the world, heavy partying, higher than a kite, superman, often adultish behavior that kids don't access yet (money, alcohol)
But there are other sides, angles, directions. For example her "cycle" has been viciously irritated, then down to suicide watch and hiding the knives....
There are so many symptoms that "the world" can't see, can't even begin to understand... I sound like I'm giving up but I'm not.
Living on the edge is exhilerating...until you fall off. |
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| Ratava
Super Member (250+ posts)
286 Posts
Gratitude: 98
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Posted - 05/22/2008 : 05:19:14
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welcome Weyered. . . Its practically impossible to get someone to see something they dont want to see. It was 17 when my cycle really started to become something completely out of control. I had had problems before, but never thought much of it.
My parents didnt notice. I kept it all from them, the self harm, the never sleeping, the depressive fits, then the agression that I couldnt control. perhaps saying they didnt notice is the wrong words. . they couldnt dare see because its scary and harmful.
It wasnt until I ran away that it became obvious, and that whole experience ended with a hospital stay a month later.
I guess the best way to get someone to see, is to tell them the little behaviors that you see at the onset of a shift. The little behaviors that seem innocuous. For instance my sleeping pattern will change from sleeping about 7 hours a night, to 3. thats not a good sign, (it was worse when I was teen. . I just stopped sleeping altogether). Or even smaller, when depression starts, I stop looking everyone in the eye.
Basically, the idea here is to get him to notice the bits, because if he is watching then the other behaviors will get seen.
Being that I am also a kid that did the visit dad on the weekends. . I KNOW he didnt see the same kind of activities that my mom did. I would go into my more. Im seeing a doctor mode. . . so, I wasnt myself and I could hide it better. I went to live with him for a year, and then he started to pick up on it.
So my suggestion would be to point out the little things. Those little things that dont frighten. Because in that fashion you can teach him how to see.
I wish you and your daughter all the hope in the world. its really scary and painful from both your perspectives.
Its not what is perfect but what is flawed that makes someone unique and beautiful |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 05/22/2008 : 06:38:06
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is your daughter in any special ed or reasource room clases. if not ask the highschoool counselor or town social worker,for advive .
further there are support groups at churches, also they dont have to be specific to bipolar and there are support groups on my space if you dare..
further patty duke astin has a site she has bipolar disorder and wrote a book shes a very famous and gifted actress.
you can also read the book reviews on my therapy and checkout the site in my profile that many of us use for additional support and help.
you.tube is a great bet. it is in the part of this site with links to other sites. we have almost everything here. but the more the merrier lol
i hope you will make us your home site. i and others like your style .lol |
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| weyered_up
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 05/22/2008 : 08:26:03
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You guys just have no idea how much your support/insights mean to me
stigmastomper, your encouragement is uplifting thanks. Yes she is in a learning assistance room as she also has severe learning disabilities (let's make it even tougher for her). I've actually been homeschooling her for the past 6 years as she could not function in a classroom. She would compare herself and then beat herself up, didn't matter if she was doing well or not. She just started going to high school this Feb. Imagine, I was diagnosed 7 years ago and she was last august.......
Hey Ratava, a young persons view is alway appreciated. My parents were split as well (gotta carry on tradition lol) so I am so sensitive to that. If he saw her every weekend it would probably help, but alas he's a holiday season dad I so very much like the way you put "So my suggestion would be to point out the little things. Those little things that dont frighten. Because in that fashion you can teach him how to see." He has gotten "hit" all at once and though I do explain some little things, I don't know that I break it down quite enough.
Well her and I are off to another doctor appt. to try to get her to have a regular psychiatrist. The only one in town doesn't see patients so either we have to somehow convince an adult one to see her, or we have to drive 2-4 hours to get into one. tough when you don't have a car oh and the one she has been seeing only deals with emergency cases and drives up from Vancouver.
Thanks again and yes I will stick around for a while.
Living on the edge is exhilerating...until you fall off. |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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| Ratava
Super Member (250+ posts)
286 Posts
Gratitude: 98
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Posted - 05/22/2008 : 19:33:12
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weyered
well I wish I could say that I was still young, but I have kids older then i was when I fell inward. I know that my daughter has serious energy shifts. So far, that translates into, she runs herself until she falls down exhausted or in a tearfest and then I can guide her into the bed to sleep. Its amazing how important sleep can be. She's in special ed as well do to developmental issues, but really that is a good thing since she can be overstimulated really easily. As with me, the better the stability around her, the more stable she is.
She's hit 13, and im really hoping that Im wrong!
And, carrying on the tradition here as well. My 'x' and I separated just about 2 and half years ago, and will be signing the formal papers next month actually. We got pretty far all in all. kids are 19, 18 and 13. . so mostly raised them. and i would say much to their dismay because my 'x' and I. . . brought out the absolute worst in each other.
Anyways, always me to make a long story longer. I know with my little one, its the little things that I recognize within myself that Im looking at, and like with any trail of dominoes, if you can get the first one to fall, then the rest go pretty easily.
I do however think that its really good that your daughter has a mom that understands... short version. . I went to live with my dad when I was 13 ish because my mom moved into the middle of no where and I SERIOUSLY didnt get along with the people there. came from upper middle class to basically farmland, no mode of reference. My mom says, well anyone who wants to live with him must be nuts and as part of the agreement, I had to see a therapist. So, for the year I lived with my dad, I did just that. Each and every week I learned and got fairly good at cribbage (its a card game that I remember almost nothing about). I doubt I said a dozen things to that woman other then the cards.
At the end of the therapy she wrote this LONG dissertation about how I was a really wounded kid who went out of his way to potray being ok, and that I was filled with anger. She said that she thought it was best that I stayed in therapy and based on her evaluation I would end up being self injuring and suicidal within a few years.
She missed by 1 year.
My point to that story is this. Mom never got it until I ran away and made it obvious (although mom blamed my girlfriend for a long time). a stranger who I hardly spoke to, got it. . family didnt.
So I think its great your daughter has you to help. It would have been nice to have had some guidance. cant say I wouldnt have stepped in the pits that I did anyways. No one ever said I was smart.  But the isolation I went through. . and still do now. wouldnt have been so deep, and some of the places my head ended up. . I dont think would have had same power over me.
Its not what is perfect but what is flawed that makes someone unique and beautiful |
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| weyered_up
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 05/22/2008 : 20:15:10
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Stigmastomper... that article was awesome! I am definitely sending that one! Again though she doesn't act so out there, yet. Doing my best to keep it that way  She internalizes alot.
Ratava, sorry for the misunderstanding. you just look so young (hee hee) isn't it funny how you think those therapist aren't listening and then they come up with the bottom line so clear? How does that happen? Is there a class you can take for that? lol
My x and I separated 12 years ago so he hasn't been there for a while. My husband (actually my 1st as I only lived with the x)has been on the scene for 11 years (WOW). He's the reason that I was diagnosed. (that sounds bad) but he has a degree in psychology, even though he didn't tell me it was in how people learn till years later
It often takes something drastic (like running away) to wake people up. i really hope it doesn't have to go that far.
Living on the edge is exhilerating...until you fall off. |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 05/22/2008 : 23:55:47
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she sounds like i used to. how are her abstract conceptual abilities?
i do not know what her learning disabilities are but if you tel;l us more about her . i will see if i can get in her shoes and tell you some stuff to help her emotionally. it is very impotant to
tell her abilities. and realize that ability is political so dont believe everything you here about her behaviour without it being proven with real science not indusrtrial politically generated drivel.
i hope you have read some of my old posts but i harp on such things so it may help you.as i undoubtably will re-re-re-re-hash the topics again. |
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| weyered_up
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 05/23/2008 : 13:17:26
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Abstract thought... what is that? Life is black or white isn't it? lol
That is pretty much her view. Example, ask her what she thinks about blah blah and it will take her literally 2 hours to answer and that is with you basically prying it out of her. She has explained that the thoughts just keep on going around and around in her head and she can't get them out.
Also, her memory is shot. she was a premature baby by 5 weeks so... I don't know. The psychologists have "labeled" her with dysgraphia, dyslexia, low processing speed, there's more but that is the main list educationally. But she is amazing at doing puzzles (she uses two hands ) and her spacial abilities rock. As long as she doesn't have to talk anyone or answer anything she's good 
Right now she is flipping every direction and the constant issues are jealousy, fear of someone close dieing, disassociating at school (it's like people around her are moving like in a movie where you are still and they are almost blurs) afraid of the phone, no social life except boyfriend (who is amazing, been there through it all and wants to be there even longer despite what his parents say), forgets what she tells me then argues when I pass it on, cry,cry,cry
This is so hard. I am there for her, she confides in me (only me and the boyfriend actually) and so not only do I carry the weight of the knowledge of what she is going through but she argues about it when I try to get her help. And if that is not enough I have my own issues. I relive each of her thought processes as it is similar to what I have gone through (yes, I keep reminding myself that it is her not me) and I am still cycling (not as bad as I am managed pretty well) right now I am going through the paranoid stage AURRRRRGGHHGHGGHH! My love runs so deep and it breaks my heart to see her this rough. I really wish I had a magic wand right now.
Question.... does anyone else feel guilty that they are taking up peoples time when they write a book like this?
Gotta go, she is crying hysterically over something.... here goes super woman to the rescue
side note, have you ever noticed that there are not enough smilies in the world?
Living on the edge is exhilerating...until you fall off. |
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| stigmastomper (inactive)
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
24317 Posts
Gratitude: 1940
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Posted - 05/23/2008 : 15:45:27
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| black and white thinking can be useful. |
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| weyered_up
Starting Member
17 Posts
Gratitude: 5
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Posted - 05/23/2008 : 17:10:35
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Yes, but difficult to get through school courses when they ask "how do you solve world hunger?"
Living on the edge is exhilerating...until you fall off. |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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