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 Depression: General Topics
 General Discussion About (Non-Bipolar) Depression
 Group Trust, Forgiveness, and Gratitude
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Administrator
Administrator

14912 Posts
Gratitude: 593
Very caringVery wiseI agree

Posted - 04/19/2008 :  12:15:48  Show Profile  Visit Administrator's Homepage  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Dear Members,

Our Support Community

We encourage people that are coping with (non-bipolar) Depression to join our community. This includes individuals having this disorder, as well as their family and friends who want to learn how to cope with this disorder.

Our community can be a strong source of support. As a group, we help one another during depressive episodes. In our community, you are sharing with people who have first-hand experience with depressive symptoms.

This is a "come as you are" community. There may well be times when you feel like giving up, but we're here to help you get through that. Some days you may feel too depressed to post. That doesn't matter - it's important just to be here!

Successful Community Functioning

Experience has taught us that there are behaviors that are vitally important to the successful functioning of our community. Groups that lack these behaviors usually self-destruct.

The three most important behaviors are: trust, forgiveness, and gratitude.

Trust

In every relationship (e.g., friendship, romance, business), trust is essential. Friends, loved ones, business partners - all expect honesty and loyalty.

That is why lying is so destructive. In any social undertaking, we have to be able to trust our friends, and to be confident that we can rely on them. When this fundamental bond of trust is broken; friendship usually ends.

On the internet, it is so easy to lie. However, lying in a support group has disastrous consequences. In our community, there is very little to be gained by lying, and a great deal to lose.

This support group should be your sanctuary - the one place where you can anonymously and honestly be yourself. This internet community should be where you can discuss your illness without fear of repercussion from family, friends, or employers. Your honesty, and willingness to ask for help, allows our community to give you our honest feedback and support.

Obviously then, if you are not honest with our community, you will get little useful help from our community. If we don't honestly know what is going on in your life; our community will just end up giving you totally irrelevant feedback. We want to help, but your lack of honesty would prevent this.

That leads us to a fundamental rule: our community strictly prohibits members secretly posing as multiple different people. Each person is allowed to have only one membership in our community. The fastest way you can lose our community's trust is to secretly post as multiple different "people".

You don't need to secretly hide behind multiple disguises. We will accept you just the way you are. We are all here to help each other. All that we ask is that you are honestly asking for help and willing to help others.

Forgiveness

In social relationships, we sometimes screw-up. It is no different in our community. Sometimes we post things that later we regret. That is why we have found that forgiveness is so important.

If a member genuinely expresses an apology for upsetting another member or breaking our code of ethics; we will accept that apology.

The goal of our community is to help its members - especially when our members lose their way in life. Violating our code of ethics (posted elsewhere) is a serious offence, but it is not catastrophic.

If our administrative staff ever notifies you that you have violated our code of ethics; all we expect is that stop that behavior. You don't have to publicly apologize (but that would be very noble if you did). As long as members learn not to violate the rights of our other members; their indiscretions are forgiven by our administration and community.

What our community can't tolerate is having a member persistently violate the rights of our other members, despite repeated warning by our administration. Sadly, at that point our forgiveness runs out, and the member in question is banned from our community.

You will find that our community is very forgiving, and interventions by our administrative staff are respectful and fair.

Many of our members may come from a religious tradition that states:
    "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us."
To these members, forgiveness is more than a word, it is the cornerstone of their religious faith. I believe that forgiveness is essential for the success of our community.

Gratitude

Nobody likes to be criticized.

The fastest way to make people oppositional, is to criticize them.

Our community has learned that feedback and advice can be helpful if it is wanted by the other person, and it is not so helpful if it's not wanted. So that is why it is important that you find out if your advice is wanted before giving it.

How then can you signal that you want more feedback and advice?

The best way is to:

  • In your post, tell our community specifically what your problem is.


  • Tell what you have already done to cope with your problem.


  • State that you would like feedback or advice on this problem.


  • Then, when other members respond, specifically thank them for their help.
When you express gratitude in this way, it stimulates our members to renew their efforts to help you.

There is another way you can show your gratitude, and thus stimulate our community discussions. You can read a post, then click on the buttons at the bottom of the post to record if you think it was: "Very Wise", "Very Caring" etc.

All of us thrive on positive feedback. People learn to exhibit those behaviors that others reward; and they learn to extinguish those behaviors that aren't rewarded.

Thus it is essential that, in our community, we express gratitude for the kindness that members show us. Likewise, we should publicly praise the progress that our friends make in this community.

In our community, we don't grow if we remain silent. We grow by giving to others, and thanking others for the understanding and support they give to us.

We are a community of friends who trust, forgive, and truly appreciate each other.

Phil Long M.D.
Administrator

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PAJJ
Full Member (100+ posts)

229 Posts
Gratitude: 100

Posted - 12/13/2010 :  17:27:33  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi guys
I must say that the group that helps to run this site must be an incredible bunch indeed, to watch, listen and then police such a rabble, i don't know what made you set up this site but i am sure that everyone on here are incredibly gratefull that you did, it intrigues me however how you manage to carry on and feel confident that your changes will be accepted as they seem to be, because no-one seems to be compelled to reply to your changes, i myself as you know am new to all this, and as such have no apprehension, whatever you do i am sure will be a success, but one step at a time, let me thank you on behalf of a sufferer (me) and please continue to govern in just the way that you do, THANK YOU!

paul
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Catbyte
Starting Member

4 Posts
Gratitude: 3

Posted - 01/03/2011 :  19:36:28  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Trust is the most important goal in my life right now. I feel despair and hopelessness right now. I've been in a new job for 3 months, getting along fine, when my depression just "took control of me" changing me into an irritable, angry, touchy, stand-offish person. For 4-5 weeks. I behaved in ways that appalled even me. But I couldn't stop. Now the new rela. at work look at me differently, and I am the recipient of shaming and ridiculing eye-rolling at almost any exchange with 3 of the women. Which makes me feel ashamed and angry inside.

I feel like my real self is left to cope with this collateral damage, things my sick self did. I am no longer liked or trusted. How do I handle this rejection and ridicule, their responses now to me. I don't want to go in and face this every day. It feels so unfair! (self-pity here). Help me, please.
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PAJJ
Full Member (100+ posts)

229 Posts
Gratitude: 100

Posted - 01/19/2011 :  15:32:12  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
Hi Catbite
you don't say what it is that you did that ashames you so, and because of that it is very hard to try and give advice, the obvious question i have is; did you try to explain what made you CHANGE so inexplicably in the eyes of your colleagues, and if not then why not try to take one of them aside and gently explain, paranoia could be holding you back on this matter, but if you think what you did was so bad then surely trying to explain cannot make it any worse, and your torture as it sounds could be over in a flash if you do, just a thought, hope it helped, but it could be that i am off the mark by a considerable amount, if so then i apologise, i wish you well x

paul
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warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)

112498 Posts

Posted - 05/03/2021 :  18:36:36  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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warblaster
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warblaster
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warblaster
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warblaster
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Posted - 05/03/2021 :  18:45:57  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
http://gageboard.ru

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warblaster
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Posted - 05/03/2021 :  18:48:24  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
http://gallduct.ru

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warblaster
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Posted - 05/03/2021 :  18:50:45  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
http://gangforeman.ru

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warblaster
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http://garbagechute.ru

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warblaster
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warblaster
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Posted - 05/03/2021 :  18:57:51  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Reply to Topic
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