Which came first, is the question, my depression, or my need to be perfect? I can trace my depression back to age 11-ish. Being a perfectionist? I'm not sure. I had always been able to live with the depression until being perfect at work started causing anxiety.
At work, I have never (even now) been able to cut corners to get done quicker. I always have to do each part of the task to the nth of a degree. Thanks, to travel nursing being much less stressful, the anxiety is no longer an issue.
At home, I used to think that I was just too depressed to be a perfectionist, as my house remained messy, but that may not be true. Someone recently told me that maybe I am messy because I am sure that I will fail to be perfect, so I just don't try.
When I have somehting I have to get done at home, I write it out in very small steps, so that it feels lie I am accomplishing alot when I cross stuff off the list. Also, that way I don't give up (before startig it) thinking I won't be able to do it well enough. For example, clean the refrigerator, becomes: wipe outside of fridge; throw out old food from fridge; wipe top of fridge; wipe inside of door; wipe top shelf;wipe bottom drawer; wipe middle shelf. I still feel the need to be perfect, but this way I am able to get some stuff done.