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Mood Disorder Community
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EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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 Posted - 12/08/2007 : 16:55:05
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nothing nevermind
(trash icon not here |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 12/09/2007 : 07:37:38
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Thanks Storm, yesterday I was in a regressive state. Things at work yesterday did not go smoothly, I panicked when I made a mistake which led to me making more mistakes.
(I was printing out giftcards, inserts, and FedEx labels. I somehow got them all out of order, and it took extra time to sort out the mess. I was feeling intense shame, especially since my co-worker was not making any mistakes).
I started to feel like the little girl who needed to be perfect to rid herself of her secret shame,--(misuse and abuse by Dad and Teacher)
I came home and was sobbing in the bathroom, then sobbing in the back bedroom which is my art area and sobbing walking down the hall, and not wanting to sob in front of my husband because he's absorbed so much of my pain...
I'm starting to cry again as i type this...
I felt so scared when I was a little girl going to Catholic grade school and so scared when I had to go home. I was scared inside All The Time, and nobody else knew it. I remembered in my heart yesterday and today--how scared I was all the time and the toxic shame that I don't know what to do with
Thanks for reading,
EAAge: 32
Sex: female
homemaker, married
Diagnosed Bipolar 1993   |
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| dizzydean
Super Member (250+ posts)
838 Posts
Gratitude: 294
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Posted - 12/09/2007 : 08:19:18
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EA, it's your turn to take care of that little girl. To make her feel safe.
DId you ever read "Healing the Shame That Binds you" by Bradshaw? One of the most infulential books in my life.
My thoughts are with you.
Dizzy
The community stagnates without the impulse of the individual. The impulse dies away without the sympathy of the community.~William James
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 12/10/2007 : 07:17:32
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Hi Dizzy,
Your support means a great deal to me, I'm glad you posted something. Yes I've read that book once and I recommend it too.
EAAge: 32
Sex: female
homemaker, married
Diagnosed Bipolar 1993 |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 12/10/2007 : 08:06:31
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quote:
Originally posted by stormbreker
My turn to say to you EA cheer up . If its a nice day where you are than go for a good walk and look at nature let your mind wander with the birds .
I think of you like you did for me ..
Hugs Storm
Every where I go
I will be
Hi Storm,
Funny you mention birds, critters I like watching when I'm out. Ducks are probably my favorite, the way they float around and occasionally dip their bills in the water with their tailfeathers up in the air.
Yesterday, my husband and I took the el downtown to bum around and see the lights. Neither of us was in top form (my husband is dx Depression which flares up more in the Wintertime)...but we went. There were pigeons warming their fat little bodies by the Eternal Flame of the Unknown Soldiers, --(a Memorial flame which is supposed to never die).
The flame was in the midst of the Kriskindelmaart which they have every year, vendors come from E. Europe and set up shop in Daley Plaza near the Picasso Sculpture. I suppose I could dream up a thousand and one metaphors for the eternal flame, the pigeons needing warmth, the vendors traveling so far to sell their wares,...
...but yes, I'm actually going to heed your advice and run out of the house! (apartment) Except this morning I'm not in the mood for a Nature Walk. I'm headed to the local Starbuck's where there's always a ton of commotion. (They don't have a double door there so when a customer enters there's a whoosh from outside and it seems to make the hot drinks even more appealing). Plus I see all these people with their laptops. I have no idea why people set up shop with their laptops at coffee houses, but I have to say that if I had a laptop that's probably what I might end up doing too...
EA logging out, back after I get my caffeine/Tribune/neighborhoodycommotion-fixes,
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| xek
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
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