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Mood Disorder Community
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Administrator
Administrator
14912 Posts
Gratitude: 593
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 Posted - 10/21/2007 : 17:47:39
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Dear Members,
Research has shown that difficulty handling conflict is often a problem in bipolar depression.
In our Social Quality of Life Scale at:
http://www.mentalhealth.com/qol/IMHQOLScale_4.pdf
Peacemaking is defined as either:
- High: Is able to handle conflict and preserve harmony within a group.
- Low: Finds it hard to handle conflict, disruptive individuals or disciplinary problems.
Could you please tell our community if difficulty handling conflict was part of your bipolar depression, and what made this better or worse.
Your comments will greatly help others facing these same problems.
Phil Long M.D.
Administrator 
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| Zep
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 536
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Posted - 01/09/2008 : 16:11:09
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Interpersonal conflict (at work, etc) has always been a huge problem for me. I have trouble facing it, and people who thrive on creating conflict scare me. So my impulse is to avoid or run away from it.
This is not always possible, and I have an issue at the moment. I'd appreciate any ideas actually. I've recently been appointed to chair a regional disability council, which I was very excited about initially. As the first face to face meeting isn't until March, I tried to set up an email forum so that members could introduce themselves - fairly innocuous I would have thought! Well, I've copped open hostility from two people, and another two have refused to participate at all - not too good out of seven people.
I've thought of two possible explanations for this response: either several of them applied for the Chair's position and are angry because they didn't get it; or else they resent someone with a psychiatric disability being appointed (psych is at the bottom of the disability hierarchy, of course!).
For the moment, I have just backed off to allow things to cool. I plan to consult with our Dept of Disability Services to find out whether there is any background to explain this. But I am feeling like quitting before I start......I keep thinking that I really don't need the stress of this situation, where people are not even prepared to give me a go.
Has anyone got any other ideas?
Thanks, Zep. |
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| PolarOne
Super Member (250+ posts)
456 Posts
Gratitude: 113
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Posted - 01/10/2008 : 01:32:45
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I tend to do a disappearing act where conflict is involved too, much worse in the low phase partic. with anxiety. Improves during my enthusiastic phase.
Good for you for taking on this new challenge. You have a lot of personal experience with yourself and the children as regards disability, and how to cope which is the most important bit perhaps. Personally I couldn't think of people better placed to do these things.
Mild Social Phobia anxiety  has tended to preclude me from group stuff etc, email/forums are much easier for me, sounds like a good idea here.
At a guess the experience you have may be making the other members feel a little nervous, new ideas etc. Some folks are resistant to change too.
My brother (BP1) has done a similar role for many years- experience counts. Kay Redfield-Jamison is perhaps the most famous example as regards BP. I can't think of any people better placed to do such things as I say, though a mix of opinions can stimulate debate.
Stick with it if possible is my opinion, but try not to let there be too much stress (sounds like its not of your making), look after yourself/family first obviously.
j |
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| Zep
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 536
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Posted - 01/10/2008 : 22:44:11
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Thanks, PolarOne. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one afraid of conflict. And you're right....people generally are resistant to change/new ideas - maybe I'm being a little paranoid too.
Yes, I've read Kay Redfield-Jamison's books, and admire her tremendously. It's really just about finding that balance between challenge and stress, isn't it?
Cheers, Zep. |
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| sean74
Starting Member
12 Posts
Gratitude: 3
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Posted - 02/20/2008 : 00:49:10
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I've had quite a bit of problems with handling conflict since my most recent depressive episode began. Before it began I was a "team lead" I had approx. 20 people reporting to me for daily job assignments and coming to me for various problems. Dealing with others wasn't ever my strong suit, but I was able to adapt and became a good leader despite the stress it sometimes caused.
Eventually my depression began, I couldn't handle the stress involved and every conflict/confrontation would drive me more and more nuts (I remember someone was complaining about me to my supervisor over some trivial matter and I missed the next week of work) It got worse from there and eventually I lost my job and apartment and now I'm living at home again.
Now things have gotten so bad that I literally begin self-loathing and occasional having thoughts of suicide if anyone so much as expresses the slightest displeasure with me (like my dad asking me to take the trash out when I already know it needs done)
I also believe it may be compromising my ability to "handle" psycho-therapy. I take certain questions from my therapist as confrontational and I either clam up or sometimes just come up with something that sounds "breakthrough-like" to say instead of silence.
The most recent example of this I can think of was him saying something to me that I interperetted as him asking me directly "why aren't you getting better?" To which I just have no good answer, I ended up telling him "maybe it's because I have so much time invested in this downward spiral that I have no interest in getting better and wasting all of it"
Therapy has really become a complete waste of time for me. I spend nights awake sometimes thinking about things I'd like to talk about with him, but when I get into his office he'll direct the conversation to trying to get back to work or out of the house more often and I end up feeling ashamed that I'm not making more progress and I typically leave feeling even worse about myself than when I go in.
(oops, I type fast and this got far longer than I intended) |
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| Zep
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 536
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Posted - 02/20/2008 : 04:38:50
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Hi Sean, and welcome. I can relate to what you are saying about feeling worse when you leave your therapist than when you went in! It has often happened to me....
I've found over the years that things like self-esteem and confidence can be badly affected by this illness, and it takes a while to be able to relate positively to other people again. And it's devastating to lose a job/career that you love and wanted - it's happened to me too, and probably many other people here.
For me, it did get better, but slowly. I had to learn to be patient and to care about myself again.
You'll find plenty of support here....
Zep.
Madness is merely a state of mind. |
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| juniperbelle
New Member
62 Posts
Gratitude: 39
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Posted - 08/01/2008 : 09:49:01
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I, too, flee from conflict. I get very upset about confrontation and harsh words, and the experience leaves me totally exhausted. Yesterday I witnessed an angry person berating a mild mannered woman with whom I was working, and I did nothing to stop it! I sat there with my head bowed and was horrified, but I couldn't interfere, because I was afraid of being told to MYOB. I got a splitting headache, had to cancel an evening event, and went into hiding about 8 pm. My poor husband was left to carry on without me and make excuses for me.
Should I have interfered? Just witnessing the angry exchange made me ill. I have an fine developed sense of justice and can stand up to anyone in writing, but during an actual confrontation........I'm nothing but a coward.
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| Zep
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 536
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Posted - 08/01/2008 : 15:05:42
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Self-preservation is not the same as cowardice, Juniper. But I know what you mean about being braver in writing than face to face. I make myself physically ill over the slightest face to face confrontation, and that includes phone calls.
Btw, that woman being attacked next to you - it was her responsibility primarily to stick up for herself, not yours. It shows that you are a very caring person to even want to support someone in that position.
Zep. |
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| Noisette
Super Member (250+ posts)
567 Posts
Gratitude: 100
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Posted - 11/14/2008 : 08:26:32
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Hi Everyone,
I find it very difficult to deal with conflict. I always think it's about me and my fault.
My daughter (aged 13)is very oppositional (always has been) and she irritates everyone up in the family. She really gets my husband going. I am so sick of them screaming at each other. My son (aged 14) has started shouting at her too. I can't stand it and sometimes I feel like running away. It's worse when I'm feeling depressed. Although when I'm manic it annoys me. It's like they're trying to spoil my party. My meaning in life is to bring happiness and harmony to everyone and they are going against me.
It's a difficult situation. I hope this helps.
Kind regards,
Sarah
And I'll feel my world crumbling
I'll feel my life crumbling
I'll feel my soul crumbling away
And falling away
Falling away with you. "Falling away with you" by Muse.
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| Quill
Starting Member
1 Posts |
Posted - 02/14/2009 : 12:50:50
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| Although it seems like no one's posted here for a while I wanted to express my heartfelt thanks to Sean for his post. I am involved with someone who is bipolar and facing similar issues. Reading that was like sitting down with him and talking to him. Thank you for helping me understand things a little bit better. Know that your post really helped someone. I hope things have improved for you since your last post Sean. *hugs* |
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| JodyWoo
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
5784 Posts
Gratitude: 665
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Posted - 02/14/2009 : 16:27:24
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I have a ton of difficulty handling conflict. Arguments, fights, yelling, anything... it all makes me panic and makes me incredible depressed.
Jody
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in fields of gold
So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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| warblaster
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
112498 Posts |
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