When I was very depressed I didn't want to be around other people even if everything was harmonious. If there was any sign of conflict, I was out of there! I just couldn't deal with it at all. This only improved as I started to feel better.
Niney
"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible." Helen Keller
Just replying to difficulties handling conflict, feel one can be set in ways of doing things and when a boss or some one in authority tells you to do a thing a set way. I struggle with just obeying him. It can get me down and it can be just a spiral of despair that I am no good and nether will be anything. I hate this behavior and self destroying thinking its just awful.
Just sharing this, is confronting but at least it is of my chest and next time I go down this spiral may be aware of it and may be able to learn ways of counter-acting this behavior. I have been writing a book called "Finding Dad Finding me" writing that has been really helpful. For the root of some of my problems is a mother that undermined my father. Hay he may have had no practical skill, but it has left me confused and no respect for authority all these years later. That is how I am work through probleming. A bit of self analysis.
Dealing with conflict can be something that is learn't like anything else we learn.
Your in the right place Trevor. I'm no expert & seem to keep saying that as a new member, but I can tell you the people here are very caring and give great advise. The best advise I can tell you is to let it out and don't be shy about posting. These people seem to be very understanding of all kinds of posts.Thanks for sharing that with me, my heart really goes out to you on that score...as well as the undermining thing.
You've identified that your struggling with a Boss at work and that the negative emotion is despair....Perhaps contemplating or having a more honest look (rather than analyzing which is what I do as well!)at WHY you tend to struggle with this person may provide you with an opportunity to work on displaying an atmosphere of hope the next time you cross paths giving you the confidence to take a positive action towards some kind of resolution.
Of course having no idea of the specifics, I could be way out of line here, but my intention is to encourage you to "seek" out hope rather than ride the slide of despair.
For me...DEPRESSION & SOCIAL BEHAVIOR tend to isolate me, simply because it takes so much effort to deal with the conflict & that's when I'm not the cause of it. Emotions such as anger manifest to only bring on more negatives which kind of brings on that spiral of despair you mention Trevor. The Negativity associated with depression when not in control, tends to make me fight with the world which only brings on more pain...I begin to wine and **** feeling sorry for myself, but know at the same time I'm doing do...later the guilt and shame catches up & I guess this is where the despair really takes hold.
Now that I am no longer out of control with my anger, having gotten a more mature grasp on things & have a better understanding...I do still tend to avoid conflict as I struggle with my own confidence and so forth & am afraid I might get caught up in the conflict if I'm not strong enough to confront the issue as sometimes required. I am often afraid that my humble approach will be take as submissive when not called for therefore weak in its effects and somewhat targeted thereafter. The hard part here is finding the balance of when to be submissive in the right way and assertive when it counts. Being somewhat early on in my walk as I struggle with confidence and accepting all this health that is coming my way...I try very hard to catch myself in the act of outbursts and then work on that emotion or rejection/jealousy/arrogance/superiority or whatever it was that I was feeling at that time...I then try to work on actions that will build towards the opposite of those feelings. Over time it seems to be working with less episodes and a more calmer and confidant me to expose myself a little more.
What's it all mean...I'm not quite sure...just letting it rip and getting it off my chest too...feels good hey.
Do You Have Difficulty Handling Conflict?
Posted - 09/23/2007 : 21:57:00
