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Mood Disorder Community
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Administrator
Administrator
14912 Posts
Gratitude: 593
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 Posted - 09/23/2007 : 21:46:30
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Dear Members,
Research has shown that social withdrawal is often a problem in depression.
Social Withdrawal is defined as:
Prefers to be alone; does not seek or enjoy the company of others. Could you please tell our community if social withdrawal was part of your depression, and what made this better or worse.
Your comments will greatly help others facing these same problems.
Phil Long M.D.
Administrator 
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| Flicker
Starting Member
14 Posts
Gratitude: 6
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Posted - 09/25/2007 : 15:13:15
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I have had major problems with friendship ever since I was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago. It's not necessarily to do with how I act, as I am able to cover my problem quite well, but more to do with opening up to people about what is really going on in my life.
I can quite happily not tell some friends about my illness, but when I don't tell close friends it feels like I'm constantly lying to them. But I have had such bad experiences in the past that I am weary of telling people. Almost all of the people I have told in the past have reacted badly. There is still such a huge stigma related to depression. It's caused me to become estranged from my family, some of my former friends and caused major problems in my relationship with my partner. Consequently, I find making new friends really difficult.
The annoying thing is that I find spending time with friends is one of the best things for helping improve my mood. It's a catch 22 situation. |
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| Niney
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2393 Posts
Gratitude: 592
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Posted - 09/28/2007 : 15:37:44
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I have found maintaining friendships very difficult when I was in a deep depression. I didn't feel like getting out of bed let alone answering the phone or going out. I also spent a lot of time in hospital and my friends got tired of visiting me there, I guess. Anyway, I lost just about all my former friends because of my illness.
Now that I feel more social, I find I only have a couple of people to do things with and they are other people with M.I. I have met lots of people through volunteering but it hasn't developed into a close friendship. I think it's difficult to make new friends after being badly depressed for an extended period of time.
Niney
"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."
Helen Keller
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| m9155
Full Member (100+ posts)
172 Posts
Gratitude: 23
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Posted - 10/01/2007 : 08:03:52
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My main issues with friendship is with my wife, I find it really hard to communicate with her. I feel scared to do it. I have no issues tellings friends or people I chat to on the web.
During my worst period I became very dependent on one person I was close too. So much so that the friendship went into meltdown.
We have patch things up now, but I am still needy of her attention. I grave her acceptance. I just do not know why.
You only live once |
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 10/03/2007 : 14:36:41
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Hi,
I am rarely outgoing, even when not depressed.
-EA
unemployed
thirty-two-year-old Korean-American
married woman
diagnosed bipolar 1993
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| Carla1953
Starting Member
1 Posts
Gratitude: 2
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Posted - 10/04/2007 : 01:21:05
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Hello..Being new at this I just wanted to inject my own feeling about friendships and depression in a way that is simplied in my mind. I beieve we attract those that think and feel the same way we do so I don't personally ..and I emphasize personally...feel I want to subject my friends and loved ones to my sad moods unless it's absolutly nessasary. I prefer to be alone than to have them experience my sadness first hand. It's not attractive at the least and pathetic at the worst.
I feel we all isolate at times of extreme depression and maybe that's not healthy but if we have a support system of folks who understand what we are going through we are never alone. These are our friends at this time..There's something to be said about the saying " It takes one to know one "
Well anyhow..as late as it is that's as much of an effort I can muster for my first post....Maybe something more helpful or profound next time
Good Night,Carla
Balance in all Things |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 04/07/2008 : 14:45:21
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You reflect my position Stranger. I too, am not keen on going out and mixing with others. That's probably why I've spent so much time around the boards here. It's only quite recently that I decided to try and change.
Although I've made some progress, I'm not good at changing the habits of a life time. Whether, I'll be able to stick to the 'new' me or not, very much remains to be seen.
But like you, I'm afraid that I might end up friendless, if I don't make the effort. I am damned if I do, ( by my personal thoughts- of feeling uncomfortable in the physical company of others ), and I'm dammed if I don't by those close to me ..... for not socializing enough with them.
It's a double edged sword! Y/F., David
Thank heaven I've got these communities to share where I'm at!
If you work these communities ... there's a good chance these communities will work for you! |
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| Zep
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2298 Posts
Gratitude: 536
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Posted - 04/07/2008 : 14:55:29
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Being bipolar, my pattern is of intermittent depression - which is possibly better for maintaining social links. Although I have lost heaps of friends over time, not to mention lovers and family members...having worn them out basically.
Now my strategy is to let myself hibernate completely for a specific length of time (two weeks, one month) then make myself (with husband's help) rejoin my usual outside activities gradually. It's still not easy, but it's better than leaving it longer to get back on the horse. Also, as I get older, I find that the friends who stick around are more likely to be understanding of my illness, and not see it as defining who I am as a friend, particularly if I refrain from dumping too much angst upon them, as I used to do when I was younger.
Zep.
Chaos, panic, disorder....my work here is done :) |
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| davidt
Super Incredible Member (10000+ posts)
82944 Posts
Gratitude: 2519
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Posted - 04/07/2008 : 16:25:54
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quote:
Originally posted by Carla1953
Hello..Being new at this I just wanted to inject my own feeling about friendships and depression in a way that is simplied in my mind. I beieve we attract those that think and feel the same way we do so I don't personally ..and I emphasize personally...feel I want to subject my friends and loved ones to my sad moods unless it's absolutly nessasary. I prefer to be alone than to have them experience my sadness first hand. It's not attractive at the least and pathetic at the worst.
I feel we all isolate at times of extreme depression and maybe that's not healthy but if we have a support system of folks who understand what we are going through we are never alone. These are our friends at this time..There's something to be said about the saying " It takes one to know one "
Well anyhow..as late as it is that's as much of an effort I can muster for my first post....Maybe something more helpful or profound next time
Good Night,Carla
Balance in all Things
Hi Carla,
Forgive me, I've just noticed that you are new to us. May I offer you a warm welcome to our communities . I trust you get to like it here. I identify with much of what you've posted.
However, these forums have helped me enormously, in as much as I never feel totally isolated anymore. And I feel I can dare give myself away and still feel safe. Yes, a support network of like minded people, I find therapeutic!
Yours in community friendship, David
If you work these communities ... there's a good chance these communities will work for you! |
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| 94Kipp
Starting Member
5 Posts |
Posted - 05/13/2009 : 17:17:27
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I have a great deal of difficulty w/social interaction. I won't answer the phone, rarely make calls unless it is to my husband at work, my family or to make an appointment. I've pushed away my friends mainly because I am not good at pretending to be happy. So basically friends are out there, but I keep myself inside the house. And forget going to any social function, it ain't happenin'
I even had to ask my husband to call my Daughter's mother in law to see if there was anyway we could help get ready for my GrandDaughter's birthday.. how insane is that?  |
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| FLMgirl
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3703 Posts
Gratitude: 396
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Posted - 05/13/2009 : 22:19:43
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Hey Kipp,
It is not insane. It is a product or symptom of our depression. I totally understand. My family even gets upset because I don't always answerthe phone, even when it is them. I am not always receptive to answering the phone. And the door? Just because I have a door, doesn't mean I have to answer when someone knocks. I used to feel really guilty for not answering it. But, it is my choice.
I am not lonely, so I don't think prefering to be by myself should be a problem, as long as it does not interfere with my participaing in life when I need to be social. And so far, it hasn't.
But it is hard when others have expectations of what you are supposed to be like. And it must be hard for people who are married with children and family type obligations. In that sense, I luck out since most of the time I do not live near my family.
FLMgirl
Everyday is a winding road... |
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| 94Kipp
Starting Member
5 Posts |
Posted - 05/16/2009 : 18:28:01
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quote:
Originally posted by FLMgirl
Hey Kipp,
It is not insane. It is a product or symptom of our depression. I totally understand. My family even gets upset because I don't always answerthe phone, even when it is them. I am not always receptive to answering the phone. And the door? Just because I have a door, doesn't mean I have to answer when someone knocks. I used to feel really guilty for not answering it. But, it is my choice.
I am not lonely, so I don't think prefering to be by myself should be a problem, as long as it does not interfere with my participaing in life when I need to be social. And so far, it hasn't.
But it is hard when others have expectations of what you are supposed to be like. And it must be hard for people who are married with children and family type obligations. In that sense, I luck out since most of the time I do not live near my family.
FLMgirl
Everyday is a winding road...
Thank you FMLgirl...I don't feel so strange now. My poor uncle calls me everyday Mon-Fri and I can't answer...sometimes my Husband will talk to him for me...If my Daughter from Georigia calls I try always to answer her because I miss her so much....Hope this stuff goes away one day. |
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| volcanomama
Starting Member
7 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 12/30/2009 : 15:55:14
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greetings. I found this site while looking for advice for one of my sons. That's a totally different topic not appropriate on this forum. For what it's worth, I've been diagnosed moderately/severely depressed, BiPolar with OCD tendancies. Not totally sure what that means.....
I have been on a laundry list of medications, up to 4 at once at one point, with some relief. This is not one of those times. My MO is total withdrawl from everyone, including my family who have the patience of saints. My bio son has had bouts of depression for which we got him to a psych right away to avoid the delay in diagnosis I had. (I was almost 34 before I was told that I wasn't just garden variety nuts) I've read that there are those of you who find relief in taking walks and doing things that you enjoy to take care of yourself. I have no idea what would make me feel better and don't enjoy the things that used to please me. Forget pot-luck parties, meeting friends for meals, eating at all for that point, and certainly not any type of intimacy. The sense of hopelessness is overwhelming. Hanging out with my 17 yo son helps somewhat because I believe that he understands what I'm feeling to some extent. We don't have to talk--just sitting in the same room with him while he plays video games works for me. My partner of 14 years told me at one point that she was having trouble dealing with my sadness. I told her--not very nicely I admit--that I couldn't care less how she was feeling since I couldn't cope with how I was feeling. So now she looks at me, cries, leaves the room and I end up feeling like a heel. My problem, not hers, I agree, but one that I haven't figured out how to manage as of yet. I am able to intellectualize what I SHOULD do and WHY I'm feeling like this, but feel TOTALLY incapable of doing anything about it. I haven't had a manic episode it some time which I almost regret since at least then I felt alive. I don't have the desire to hurt myself, so that's off the table, but my fantasy is to check myself into a psych ward to aleviate all decisions on my part. My psych suggested going to a nice hotel for the weekend instead but aside from the money issue, that still would leave me with all sorts of decisions to make: what hotel? what dO I pack? how do I get there? do I have to leave the room? what do I watch on tv? do I order room service? go out? the list is endless. I avoid talking with anyone but my psych about this because when I do I see myself as a whining cry baby who can't manage her own life, then get even more depressed since it's true that I feel incapable of managing my own life. Welcome to my pity fest. |
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| Jerry1949
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3117 Posts
Gratitude: 175
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Posted - 01/05/2010 : 14:16:33
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I can say that it has been hard for me to friends for most of my life and for the most part the ones I have had were not the type of friends that are good for me to be around. I have cut all ties with them when I stopped using street drugs I now only have one close friend who I can share things in my life with. I have coworkers and people from therapy but for the most part I just keep to myself I guess that my best friends are books. I also have found it hard to get out and mingle when you are with out a car and your city has no public transportation. I have a real hard time asking others for rides. So if it not in walking distance or home delivery it is most likely not going to happen. The church I have started to attend has a bus so I ride to church with the homeless out reach ministry which I was for a short time so I get along with them pretty well. Most of my contact is by phone or email.
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| jodartha
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
4755 Posts
Gratitude: 1075
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Posted - 09/02/2010 : 10:51:24
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Social withdrawl as it is properly called is probably the most common thing that I do when I am depressed. Until this very moment, I thought I was the only person in the world that did this (in general). Now, I read, that it is common.
When I get down, and I usually know a day or two before it becomes full force, I will not answer the phone, including family. My family thinks I am rude, selfish, don't care, or too busy in my own life. They do not know that I am usually if not always in bed, hiding from everyone. There is sometimes, one person that I am open to talking too, it is who I call my best friend. The problem with this scenario is that I don't always have someone that I can confide in or a best friend.
You would think by my age that I would have a secure group of friends to rely on...but as life goes, people change and so do my friends at times.
I can count on my hand, the number of best friends that I have fully confided in my life. I cherish each and every person who loves me enough to be there for me. They don't even have to talk, but I think that usually it doesn't mean the same to them as me.
I think that my sad moods are a burden to them, and honestly it is a burden to me talking. Funny to say that...but I hide to recouperate. It is an ugly process, that can last days. I often just sleep...and hide, and have no motivation at all to share myself.
Thankfully I have learned it is part of the process of depression. I don't feel like such a freak now. I am alone now...but there is a HUGE difference between alone and lonely, and I have an appreciation of my alone time.
JODARTHA |
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| kristagger
Starting Member
7 Posts
Gratitude: 1
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Posted - 03/29/2013 : 09:42:28
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Carla, I feel as you do. I don't have many friends but I don't know if that is because I am extreamy shy , have no confience or because my husband never like's or approves of anyone unless it is his friend. I know that is a problem I have been living with for yrs. I know that it does not help my depression. So I just keep to myself..but do try on the outside not to show how I am feeling.quote:
Originally posted by Carla1953
Hello..Being new at this I just wanted to inject my own feeling about friendships and depression in a way that is simplied in my mind. I beieve we attract those that think and feel the same way we do so I don't personally ..and I emphasize personally...feel I want to subject my friends and loved ones to my sad moods unless it's absolutly nessasary. I prefer to be alone than to have them experience my sadness first hand. It's not attractive at the least and pathetic at the worst.
I feel we all isolate at times of extreme depression and maybe that's not healthy but if we have a support system of folks who understand what we are going through we are never alone. These are our friends at this time..There's something to be said about the saying " It takes one to know one "
Well anyhow..as late as it is that's as much of an effort I can muster for my first post....Maybe something more helpful or profound next time
Good Night,Carla
Balance in all Things
Kristagger |
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Do You Have Problems With Social Withdrawal?
