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Mood Disorder Community
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sarcasticfish
Starting Member
5 Posts |
 Posted - 07/30/2007 : 12:41:00
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I don't know if this post is appropriate or what but maybe it will help if I just get some things off my chest, so to speak. If you want to reply, I'd like that very much.
I'm 46. I moved 2,000 miles just under two years ago less than a week after I got married for the first time. Things have not turned out the way I thought they would. I left my home for something better, have been here, as I said for two years, and have made no real friends. That is clearly my fault. My wife has made at least one close friend and has numerous new acquaintances. The problem is I was looking for something new, took a big leap leaving a secure job and my friends and family behind.
BUT I DID'T CHANGE. I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON I WAS TWO YEARS AGO.
New surroundings, same me, so things are still #(%## up. I guess I have to figure out what to change about myself and how.
Probably the first thing is to quit thinking I'm somebody special, somehow better than most people. (Long story short, that attitude comes from my mother, a nominee for the worst parent on the planet, but that's a different posting.) I have a masters degree and am working retail. I can't help but resent that fact. I keep thinking I'm smarter, more educated than the people around me. And, in general, I am. More educated at least. But the fact is my resentment shows. My co-workers pick up on it. I don't mean to be rude or nasty, but I still end up coming off that way. Any thoughts on how to change that? The situation isn't helped by the fact I tend to be shy and quiet and people take that as arrogance as well.
Any thoughts, anyone?
Incidentally, my belief is one should be able to maintain a certain level of happiness no matter the circumstances. Any thoughts on that?
Thank you.
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 07/30/2007 : 15:18:18
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Hi Sarcasticfish,
No doubt you have a lot to say. A lot to express. Much more to express than your current job allows maybe. That would make anybody mad.
It is maddening when co-workers don't know the real you. (My hunch from reading your post is that your co-workers haven't gotten to know the real you; and vice-versa).
I am very similar in the social aspect you describe. I've held over 10 jobs in the past 12 years or so. One of those jobs I was at for 5 years. I was fired from my last 2 jobs within less than 6 months. Part of why I was fired was my anger--and part of why I was angry was because I knew I had much more to express, but didn't know how to get to the place where I could express my real self.
Would you like to meet any of the acquaintances your wife knows?
Do you take your lunch break with co-workers?
Again, welcome.
-EA
unemployed
thirty-one-year-old Korean-American
married woman
diagnosed bipolar 1993
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| Niney
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
2393 Posts
Gratitude: 592
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Posted - 07/30/2007 : 17:19:12
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Hi sarcasticfish,
I'm wondering why you're working retail if you have a master's degree. As far as the other things go, I have found the best way to make a friend is to be friendly. When you talk to someone, ask them about themselves and really be interested in their reply. You have a choice in the way you act. If you decide it's important for you to have friends, then have a look at yourself and decide what things you would like to change . You might need some help with that if the way you do things is deeply ingrained. But you can change. You can make friends. You didn't sound superior in your posting, so you can do it. Post here whenever you like, even just to vent.
Niney
"Speak only if it improves upon the silence."Mahatma Gandhi |
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| MelbournePhoenix
Full Member (100+ posts)
111 Posts
Gratitude: 49
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Posted - 07/30/2007 : 20:43:23
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Hi sarcasticfish,
I think I have a fair idea of what you are going through. I have an honors degree in Biochemistry and have been working in a low paying call center job for the last 3 years. Unfortunately for me that is just the way it has to be for the moment. My depression and anxiety problems make it impossible for me to hold down a position of importance. I just can't cope with the pressure. I was sacked from my last job in my field because I couldn't manage my workload. At least I am starting to come to grips with the fact that my health is better off with less stressat work. Having said that , I do get very jealous at the success my friends from University are having and think....why can't that be me ?
I'm 45 and when I graduated in 1985 did not think for one moment that my working life would turn out as pathetic as it has been.
Hang in there.......MP |
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| firebird
Amazing Member (1000+ posts)
1555 Posts
Gratitude: 561
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Posted - 08/02/2007 : 14:42:31
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Dear Sarcastic fish welcome to MT. Thank you for sharing you story. About your problem, don't want to sound rude but you have got to drop the attitude that you are better than others, of course they resent it. You may be more educated, but so what. You have chosen the job you are in, its not other peoples fault. If this jobs a stop gap to you, good, you will eventually more on, keep that in mind. But here you are now, so you will be happier getting along with your co-workers if you stop worrying about having to do work that is beneath you. While I was working on exhibitions I have cleaned public toilets and floors where high heeled ladies stepped around me while on my hands and knees, then I went off to openings where I chatted with the same people over white wine and oeuvres. Some times you just got to do what you got to do and swallow your pride. Dont worry I know what its like to feel out of place (most my life) working in factories surrounded my workmates reading the Sun when I was struck in my Omni magazine. They all thought I was a snob, a wannabe intellectual, and all I wanted was to read my mag. You get hostility but the only thing you can learn to to is to neutralize it with good humor and friendliness, even if you have to act, act.
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| EmergingArtist
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
9136 Posts
Gratitude: 822
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Posted - 08/02/2007 : 15:27:20
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Hi Sarcasticfish,
It was good to meet you briefly there in our live chat area. Stick around!
-EA
unemployed
thirty-one-year-old Korean-American
married woman
diagnosed bipolar 1993
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| xek
Incredible Member (2000+ posts)
3676 Posts |
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